324 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Guilt Trippin’”

    2. This!

      Plus buying or drinking alcohol.

      And dancing.

      And wearing shorts to church.

      I’m getting over most of these, though… except for that dancing thing. I’ll probably never be able to do that. 😳

    1. Going to a movie. Even after many years and a number of movies, I wonder who might see me.

  5. Drinking alcohol. Even beer. I know there’s nothing wrong with an occasional drink (use a little wine ect…) but I still feel a twinge of guilt if somebody I know sees me coming out of the liquor store.

    3. I left Fundamentalism over 10 years ago. I decided Christians had the freedom to drink about 5 years ago. It takes another leap of pushing down guilt to actually walk in to a store and BUY a drink. Took my first drink of alcohol this year. I’m 38.
      didn’t like it. HA!

  6. Listening to the Beatle’s sing “I Want To Hold Your Hand”. I don’t know how many times that and “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” were mentioned as examples of songs that would lead to immorality and drug use.

    To digress a bit–back at Fundy High, we had the whole Frank Garlock series with examples of evil from albums. One of the upper class-men asked if we could have a series on pornography with examples of why that was bad. [Wasn’t too well received]

      1. Unless, of course, your the MOG who’s listening to hours of CCM, rock music, heavy metal music, ect. so that you can tell all those young people how sinful it is!
        🙄

    3. I remember hearing someone (an evangelist IIRC) tell a story about a church he visited that was doing a couple day seminar on pornography. They were showing “examples” and teaching against it. The person telling about it was furious, since it was so obvious what was really going on there.

      1. I see my alter ego forgot to change his screen name when posting. ME?? I love porn. I use it for “research”

  7. Going to church at a church that isn’t KJVO and has a praise band. The music is uplifting and I have learned so much from the NIV. I just can’t get the picture of my parents walking out in the middle of the service angry.

  9. Eating in a restaurant on Sunday.
    Going to the Movie The-a-ter.
    ANY music that isn’t classical.
    Being “unproductive” (readng falls into this category believe it or not)

  10. Our new church has no Sunday school. It’s so weird having a whole extra hour on Sunday mornings to take my time getting ready and feeling relaxed when we go rather than all tensed up. The service is slightly longer than an hour and we’re out by 12:10 at the latest so we are home nearly an hour earlier than we used to be. It’s been so relaxing and nice to go to a church with no pressure. But sometimes it doesn’t feel “right” only because it’s been something to get used to not because it’s wrong. I have to keep convincing myself that we’re not doing wrong by going to a church with a pastor who isn’t on such an ego trip that he doesn’t preach an hour or more and keep you captive. And guilt trip you for everything under the sun. And who doesn’t mention hyles in every sermon. 😉

    1. It’s scary how alike our stories must be. I’m still in a fundamental church, but not a crazy one like the one you & I used to be in. The love shown by the people for one another is amazing. The old church mouthed words of love, but was very short on action – the new church shows its love in deeds. A love for the Scriptures and Jesus Christ is emphasized, not obedience to the pastor. “Standards” are not preached every service; people who don’t have all of “the standards” are not looked down upon… it’s just great!

  11. OH! And walking on grass. ANYWHERE. Even in the park where you are supposed to.

    And NOT witnessing to every stranger who speaks to me in public.

    1. I have trouble with that, too. Not in a park, but I usually can’t bring myself to cut corners by crossing the grass in most other places.

  12. “Mixed Bathing” (Swimming)
    Going to the beach
    Secondhand smoking (Being next to someone smoking)
    *I could do this all day* 🙁

  15. Not going “soul-winning” still gives me a guilt trip; by the term, I mean what the old church did; go out on one or more weeknights, bother people in their homes, and try to sell heaven, using high-pressure sales techniques. Even though the practice made me nauseated, not going out still makes me feel guilty a bit.

    1. I feel the exact same way. To the point where I clam up on the subject even when an ordinary person might be able to “give a witness” I cannot. I just don’t want to get that intimate with a stranger. Ever. I feel guilty about that too.

    2. Not carrying tracts and feeling like I have to collar everyone in the store or anywhere I happen to be to force a tract on them, “here, read this when you have a chance!” Being able to carry on normal conversations without feeling pressure to start into the plan of salvation. It’s both a relief and a bit of a guilty feeling. 😕

  16. Naming ten things and then going back and seeing that the instructions say to name ONE thing. (Oh and also most of the other things people listed are on my list as well.)

  19. Buying lottery tickets or scratch tickets, which is something I indulge in occasionally. I always look over my shoulder.

    I don’t think it’s a sin. Stupid, maybe, but not a sin.
    I did win fifty bucks once. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    1. My church was fundie-light, so a lot of the things that make others feel guilty weren’t as big of a deal in my church, or were things I got over quick (like pants in church, dancing, drinking, drums, not going to church every Wednesday night….) But Lotto. That was the worst kind of wrong you could do, trying to get money without earning it! I felt like such a rebel the first time I bought the Bingo scratch-off. Still feel guilty when I give my weekly dollar to the Mega Millions fund.

  20. This Friday Challenge was anything BUT… I think it is safe to say that it would have been more difficult to think of something I do that I do and do NOT feel guilty about.

    1. Oh, me too! So many things!

      In some areas, I’ve moved away from feeling guilty, but I still feel aware, having a knowledge that IF certain people knew I was doing that they would be angry at me. I have the judgmental words in my head, even though I know I’m free to do that activity.

      1. I feel the same way. I think it has more or less ruined my relationship with my family because so much of my life I just can’t share with them unless I want the spoken or unspoken disappointment and guilt trip that follows. It is such a strain just being around my mom for any length of time because there is just SO MUCH that I *shouldn’t* do.
        Of course there is no way I could ever turn it around on her and make her feel guilty trying to make ME feel guilty.
        I want my relationship with MY kids to be much more free and when they become adults I want them to know that I value them no matter WHAT decisions they make that I might not agree with.

        1. Like. Me too. Sometimes I feel that in Fundyland, if children don’t grow up to become perfect fundies, their relationship with their parents will suffer (or they’ll just pretend to be perfect fundies and their parents have no clue what their lives are really like). I have a young child, and I’ve determined that I will love and support him no matter what he chooses when he’s older. No rule is worth a break in relationship with him.

      2. Me, too, PW. I think Darrell hit a nerve on this subject. You know what I have noticed that when I tell my friends that are in my old fundy church how much I am enjoying visiting other churches I feel a little guilty because they look conflicted like they can’t just be full out happy for me.

  21. Wearing a shirt that shows clavicle. I still can’t wear a shirt that shows even the hintiest hint of cleavage.

    (Long time lurker. First time posting. *waves shyly.*)

    1. HI! (Yes, I feel the same way and often will get out of the house in a shirt that is a little “too low” and spend the whole day tugging it up so the girls don’t get too much daylight.)

    3. Welcome to the fun house 😀

      I’m the opposite though, I almost never wear shirts that follow the 3-inch-below-collerbone rule, except for t-shirts.

    6. Hi, HS!

      The thing that always flabbergasted me in my fundy-lite church were people who, while wearing a low-cut shirt, would pontificate about those liberal Christians who listen to CCM or whatever. Even before I left the IFB, it bugged me to see their hypocrisy: they were giving themselves liberty to wear those clothes, but they wouldn’t offer other Christians liberty in another area. It’s illogical and uncharitable.

    7. Welcome!

      I was nagged about my tops almost daily, because I’m “lavishly endowed,” and it kinda shows no matter what I wear. When I joined a sorority, the first thing my “big sister” did for me was take me to Victoria’s Secret to buy a push-up bra. 😆 It took a while before she convinced me, “if you’ve got it, flaunt it!”

    1. YES! And even just watching So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With The Stars!

      I used to exercise via aerobic dance and water aerobics and even THOSE were guilt inducing.

      1. HA! my pastor’s kids watched dancing with the stars and american idol, and no one ever said anything about it. it was ok to watch it as long as you didn’t do it i guess… 😆

  24. Using playing cards. My husbands family came for the holidays and wanted to teach us a card game. I had to go out and purchase 4 decks of cards and found myself looking over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me. 😳

      1. I used to be very well acquainted with Corporal Punishment, but that is as far as my military connections extend.

        4. I’ve been accused of being a Major Pain, and occasionally of living in my own Private Idaho. 😉 But since leaving the nuthouse I find I am Captain of my own destiny (and while God is always in control, there’s more than a Colonel of truth to the notion that He wants us make our own choices). :mrgreen:

  25. Sharing a meal with a homosexual. Hmm, I think there was someone who was railed on for “eating with sinners”.

  26. Browsing in a bookstore. Seriously. I enjoy walking up and down the aisles and scanning the titles. If one gets my interest I’ll look through it…but not before taking a quick glance around to see if anybody “from church” is there that I might offend, could cause to stumble, or would go tattling to the pastor, even though the book is entirely innocent. Years of that type of thinking doesn’t go away quickly!

      1. I was thinking the same thing. And I’m married. I guess it’s because I’m on my 2nd husband, even though I was widowed from my 1st. Oddly enough, I felt *less* guilty before we got married last January. Of course, he’s divorced.

    2. My first boyfriend and I just broke up. (I left fundyism because I didn’t want to court the guy my parents had picked out for me. HA!) Pretty sure my ex never thought he’d date anyone who broke down and started crying after kissing. hahaha. managed to get over the crying by the time we broke up, but I still felt like a terrible person every time we kissed, let alone anything beyond that.

  28. I’m feeling guilty because I can’t think of anything that makes me feel guilty anymore. 😕

      1. Well, you know there is something about covetousness in the “Big 10”.

        …wait, that didn’t sound quite right.

    1. I feel guilty if I cut my hair short (above my shoulders). My mom always looks at me with disappointment in her eyes: “Ohhhh. You cut your hair.”

      1. I have a friend who shaves her head. She says it’s her head of hair, she’ll do what she wants with it. Next time Mom speaks up, just innocently comment “It’s getting so hard to manage, I think I just might shave it all off”.

  31. KJV, Soulwinning, skipping a random church service, NO TIES….Naming 1 thing is not fair. It’s the whole package of guilt and mental bondage that makes me want to…..focus on freedom in Christ. I don’t think it ever goes completely away no matter how wrong know it is. So strange….

  32. Wearing pants to church, not closing my eyes when praying, using a non-KJ Bible, watching/laughing @ Seinfeld, not going to church on Sunday/Wednesday nights, clapping in church – just a few. I still can’t wear pants to the church I grew up in. I get all tied up inside when packing to go home b/c I don’t want to drag a dress/hose/heels along but then I don’t want to get the “looks” on Sunday AM! So not important I know but what are you gonna do?

  34. wearing jeans, shirts that are not two sizes too big, attending a secular college, and thriving in a career not suited for a proper christian girl.

  35. Doing Yoga, even though it’s only for exercise. I can still hear my mom chastising me for it. “But you’re not doing transcendental meditation…”

    1. Ooh, that one will be mine too! I’ve recently started doing yoga regularly and I’m sure my mom is going to be pissed when she finds out. =P

      1. MissSarahN, doesn’t it just suck! For me, I have lots of pain limitations in my back (seriously, it’s difficult to walk a block or two from the back pain) and I finally found something that I could actually do without a million years of training up to it first, or special equipment like having a pool, *and* relieved the pain. I told my mom and she freaked. I’ve been an atheist for close to 10 years and my mom’s been deceased for over 3 now and I still have a difficult time taking it back up. Those damned tapes in our heads that just won’t shut off! 👿

  36. Ok, I have a question for you all. My daughter is 13. She has been looking for a certain style of dress for quite some time. I finally found it and she put it on and first thing she asked was, “Is it too short?” (It was as long as her shorts are when she wears shorts, about halfway between her knees and the top of her legs.)
    I didn’t know how to answer her. It was definately not indecent and very cute on her, but without a ruler I was at a loss. I don’t want HER to be insensitve to the natural modesty she already has, and I also don’t want her to feel self-conscious for anything I might say… What are your opinions? (EX-Fundies only please. I know what the fundies opinions are. Hence the question.)
    (I ended up copping out and saying, “What do YOU think?” and she couldn’t decide either.)

    1. Sims, the main Sweet Potato Queen said something along the lines of, now that I’m old, and I realize how cute I was when I was young, I realize I should have just walked around naked all the time. I’m not suggesting your daughter should do that, of course, but being young is a time for being young, because you’re a long time old, and these days the barn not only needs painting, but sometimes floor jacks and support beams.

      I have a dress that is cute as heck, but I realized when I wore it to work that I was constantly pulling at the neckline because when I sat down, I showed more cleavage than should be shown at work. (Now I just wear it to church. KIDDING!)

      So I would ask her again how she feels about it and how she will feel wearing it. Will it make her self conscious or will she feel happy and confident? Would another inch of hem make her feel better? Will it hang in the closet because she feels guilty wearing it?

      1. Clothing has always been a difficult topic for me. There was always so much emphasis placed on how we looked, but then so many rules that made it impossible to look our best. (or even good at all) I have memories of my mom sewing a ruffle on the bottom of really cute dresses, or letting out the hems and leaving the line around the bottom, or lace in the neckline, or added on cap sleeves and completely ruining it. She was always altering my clothes so they would be more “modest” but almost always only made them more ugly.
        I always think my daughter looks good, and I have told her, “Just don’t try to draw attention to any part of your body and you should be ok.” But I’m not sure even THAT is sound advice. She is much more sensitive to wearing modest clothing than I am FOR her. I have NEVER had to send her back up to change her clothes for modesty purposes. Once in a while for weirdness, or not matching, but so far she seems to WANT to keep the important stuff covered. I just don’t want to ruin her because of MY issues.

        1. I’m probably the oddball here, but I prefer very long skirts on women; there’s something very alluring and mysterious that I like. I know, I’m just weird (er, make than unique).

    2. Sims, I probably would’ve said the same thing and asked her if she would feel comfortable dancing and moving around in it. After all, if she’s concerned the entire time she’s wearing it, how much fun would wearing it be? If she thought she’d be OK, I’d let it go. If she said she thought she’d feel like her booty was showing, then I’d say maybe we should look around a bit and revisit it if we don’t find anything else we like. That still leaves the option open for later. Shorts that length might be comfortable because she knows they’re not going to fly up and show her underwear, but with a skirt there’s always the thought in the back of the head that it might fly up.

      Course, I wasn’t raised ultra fundy, just fundy lite. Showing a little skin was allowed, and tight shirts that showed our blossoming figure were allowed too. I probably wouldn’t have chosen a dress that short to wear when I was younger, but my mom raised me with body weight issues, not modesty issues. 🙄

      I think you handled it well, considering. Let it be up to her, unless it’s really, really out of hand. You know where to draw the lines.

    3. Sims, that’s a beautiful opportunity to teach her to trust herself and be truthful. It’s a growing up moment too. Ask her if she feels uncomfortable in it. If she does, but she still wants to wear it, do some problem-solving. Maybe leggings under it would make her feel more comfortable? If she’s too uncomfortable to wear it at all, let her know that’s ok and there are always more dresses out there. Teach her never to settle for something that makes her uncomfortable. It will teach her more than just what to wear.

    4. Not an ex-Fundy (not a Fundy, either), so I may be disqualified, but I have been the mother of 13-year-old girls. One way to answer the question of the short skirt is to ask “Does your underwear show when you bend over?” In my experience, most adolescent girls would be embarrassed to death if it did, because they will, eventually, pick something up off the ground without thinking about their skirts.

  37. I feel guilty about this verse: “But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23).

    A sensitive conscience combined with a fundy upbringing means you have doubts about LOTS of stuff. If I didn’t do anything I doubted about, I’d sit at home doing NOTHING!

    1. I have what you have: a sensitive conscience + Fundy upbringing. That = agony.

  38. Walking down the liquor aisle in the grocery store. I really wouldn’t call it guilt anymore as much as just that the fundieness pops in my head every time. 👿 I’m sick of all the stupid fundie reminders in so many areas of life. And they happen ALL THE TIME!

    I put on pants, the no pants thing pops in my head.

    I listen to something besides traditional, sacred music, the music thing pops in my head.

    I go into a restaurant that serves liquor, all that pops in my head.

    Movies – same thing.

    🙄

    1. Residual pavlovian conditioning. There will always be things that trigger at least an initial mental response. *sigh*

  40. Beer and tattoos. I still feel like I have to hide my tattoos in church even though my half of the church has them too, but they weren’t raised crazy Baptist.

    1. When I was fundy and on eHarmony, I would disclose to each guy that contacted me that I had a tatoo from back before I was saved. I treated it with such sensitivity because I thought it would be a deal breaker … and for some, it was a deal breaker.

      Funny, though, most of them didn’t care too deeply when I disclosed to them that I wasn’t a virgin.

  41. That, and half of my children are black(adopted from Haiti) and we know how the fundies love interracial families. And that’s why I run for the hills to aviod the old fundies from my past 🙂

  43. An old friend confided to me that he was gay. I did not scream at him and cut him out of my life. I continued to treat him like I did before.

    Reading SFL.

    The bottle of Old Grandad I have been working on.

    Skipping church.

    Attending an avowedly secular university.

    Movies.

  44. I have no guilt. I gave up on feeling guilty long ago. There were so many rules from so many churches and schools when I was growing up that is I felt guilty every time I broke one, I’d be in Confession every day (even though I’m not Catholic), and then I’d just have something else to feel guilty for.

  45. Its not something that I continue to feel guilty about it, but when I was growing up as an associate pastor’s kid in a mildly fundamental baptist church (GARBC), my mother continued to threaten me with guilt as a teenager that if I ever rebelled against them (going to movies, dances, drinking, immorality, etc…) I would probably cause my father to lose his job and cause him to leave the ministry. This caused me to walk on eggshells while I was living in the home, but when I left for a “GARBC-Approved” college, I did have a little guilt when I went to my first movie, went to my first dance, and drank alcohol for the first time, but that might have been because I was secretly breaking the college’s lifestyle statement.

    1. I have the same problem. I don’t feel guilty about drinking, but the thought is always there: “What if someone from church sees me? What are they going to say to my dad? What if they treat my sister badly because they think she’ll end up like me?”

  46. I physically and literally am incapable of dancing anything except a slow dance (which is just hugging with music on). And it’s not because I’m too white. :mrgreen: I feel the guilt crap welling up inside me every time I try.

    1. Yes, I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld. The “no dancing” rule was one of the blessings of being a fundy for me. 🙂

    2. For those who don’t dance well, learning dances with steps (latin dances are great for starters)
      can really ease the fear of dancing. It really helped me because there’s a lot of structure there. It was the “just feel the music!” kind of dancing that totally freaked me out. I took a free salsa class at my college and was petrified, but that’s where I also got to know my husband! Dancing is something that is so natural that we’re robbed of in Fundystan, learning some structured dances can help you re-learn that joy of dancing that was probably spanked out of you as a child :/

  48. Wow. I tried to think of things that make me feel guilty… and wondrously, I can’t think of much. Hooray! I’m making progress.

    Wearing a bikini does induce some guilt, sometimes, but only because I know I look really good in it. Is that weird, that I feel more guilty because I know it’s flattering on me?

    I guess I also sometimes feel guilty when I say something critical about a “man of God” from my former fundy days.

    I’ve long since given up guilt about music, movies, books, using certain words, talking dirty with my husband in private, pants in church, reading SFL, dancing, etc. because I know there’s nothing to feel bad about. So I don’t. It’s very freeing.

    1. OK HazelEyed, heres the deal, you just send me a picture of you in that bikini and let me judge how it looks on you. Then if I give you a negative report so you can wear it with out guilt. SEE? It works out for you and I wont mind at all. I love being useful.

      1. Actually, why don’t you just post your pictures here? And then we’ll all tell you how bad you look in your bikini, so you’ll feel much better wearing it.

        3. I would feel guilty if I wore a bikini because I am pretty sure anyone who saw me would go blind and turn to stone. Or suffer such psychological trauma they would be in a coma for the rest of their lives. Ahhh… guilt, no matter HOW you slice it, it is there.

  49. Talking to girls. Hence why I’ve NEVER in my life gone on a date or had a girlfriend. 😥 I wonder if I’ve been ruined forever.

    1. Yikes, dude. Just try it. You’ll figure it out. Don’t let anyone who “rejects” you get to you. Those girls are just weeding themselves out for you. Just see it as making it easier, not harder. IOW, if they treat you poorly, you wouldn’t want them anyway. Go. Have fun.

  50. Relaxing. Some would say that doesn’t sound like a such a bad thing, but it’s actually a health hazard. When I get sick, I’m usually sick for a while because I can’t make myself take a rest. I feel guilty if I just spend a day or two drinking hot tea and napping on the couch and watching the Game Show Network.

    1. Wow Miranda, I have problems with just taking it easy, too. I also feel incredibly quilty over saying no to anyone about anything. If someone asks me to do something or asks for volunteers I feel obligated to say yes even if I am not so inclined or legitimately don’t have the time.

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