Odds and Ends

Assuming the Worst

54 Comments

Suspicion is the rule of the day in fundamentalism. While one may make exceptions for pastors, deacons, or the president of the local Fundy U, the actions of all others must be immediately attributed to the worst possible motives. Whatever the news from those outside the camp, it must be some new scheme of the Enemy.

Is the Baptist church down the street replacing its wooden pews with padded chairs? They must be “seeker sensitive” and trying to draw people in with something other than the Gospel!

Did a well-known philanthropist just donate millions to charity? He must be a Catholic trying to work his way to heaven!

Was there a recent fad involving teenagers wearing, doing, or saying something odd? It must be an attempt on the part of Hollywood, the Illuminati, and a postman named Bob from Fresno to subvert our youth and turn them into sex-crazed drug fiends.

Whatever the story or event, you can be guaranteed that a fundamentalist will be able look beyond the headlines and find the root of liberal deceit. It’s quite a talent.

54 thoughts on “Assuming the Worst”

  1. Postman named Bob from Fresno feels like it’s from a movie or book or something?

    Or I could be completely wrong & fundy style paranoid.

    2. Bob from Fresno
      Sounds like the caller on line 3
      “Hello, Welcome to SFL! Your’re on the air what would you like to talke about?”
      “All you bloggers, conservatives,and radio talk show types are the cause of all the hate in this country man! and I hate you!”

      Unfortunately we are the product of decades of being dumbed down and coddled. Now the media outlets are at war with one another each side blaming the other for a culture that cannot think for itself. We have become so used to having our news and information prechewed and regurgated back on us in 15 second to 2 minute sound bites that we do not get enough information to form an opinion… even if we were able to.
      The Americanized Church is guilty of the same lethargy and bottle feeding techniques. Hey, when you find something that works why not take full advantage of it? It is the price of Pragmatic Religion, and it it pragmatic religion what keeps peoples in the pews. Give them what they want to hear. They want to hear how they are better than others… so as long as the pulpiteer can keep up whether we are at war with Eastasia or Eurasia and how we are winning the battle…. the Winstons can be content.

  2. BTW, I found it.! Political heavy hitters take on the College Bowls, which is clearly a plan by the US Gov’t to secretly cover up the Bowls of Judgement in Revelation.

    1. No Rob, you have been deceived. It is the photograph of the people lining up to vote in Sudan. It is obviously a ploy by satan to have those unsaved heathens voting without the knowledge of a good republican candidate that is clearly outlined in the KJV 1611 :mrgreen:

  3. Oh, and you know that the “seeker sensitive” business stretches far beyond church pews. What about these liberal, worldly churches using vans instead of god-fearing school buses to transport members? Obviously another ploy to lure in people with promises of conditioned air and superior vehicular safety (which if the Gospel doesn’t condemn, it should).

    1. We know that Jesus’s disciples were “all in one accord,” which doesn’t sound very safe at all. More than five of them inside the Accord, plus more hanging on the roof and trunk – that was a disaster waiting to happen!

  5. Looks like a ecumenical prayer circle in the pic. We all know what that means. Compromise! The IFB folks will mention the shooting but they are tooooo separated and sanctified to be seen with all those people with no standards. 🙁

    2. Yeah, I was thinking the circle too. All those folks holding hands – you’d think they were being unified about something and we can’t have that. If the community is getting together FOR something, we fundies can’t EVER join in! And for sure people who aren’t married to each other are holding hands too which is a sure sign of the moral degredation of our country.

    2. There does seem to be a lot of indiscriminate hand-holding in that photo.

      Before I started hanging out with the SFL crowd, I thought my sex life was pretty dull (to understate things quite a lot).
      But I now know that the following things count as sex:
      Holding a female’s hand.
      Looking at a woman, especially if I look her in the eye.
      Sitting near a girl on the same bench.
      Driving or riding in a car with a woman.
      Wearing shorts.
      Reading magazines with pictures of “immodestly” dressed people in them.
      Going to a movie theater or bowling alley.
      Going for a walk with someone of the opposite sex.
      Having lunch with a woman other than my wife.
      Exchanging e-mails with a woman.

      Seen in this light, my life is pretty much a nonstop orgy. Thanks, SFL!

      3. You forgot the most dangerous one – sharing a water glass, cause that’s where babies come from.

        4. I gotta remember to start buying my own water, and not sharing! I think I could be pretty entertaining on Maury explaining that all I did was share a glass of water!

        6. Yep, and all those women on Maury are going, “UH-HUH! I TOLD YOU!!!” with poor Rob sitting up there with his water cup.

          Rob, you better start saving for Pampas. 😉

  9. Great post, Darrell, although I’ve got to add that in my experience, pretty much anything my husband ever proposed was met with suspicion by the deacons. New carpet for the church sanctuary? The orange one from 1964 doesn’t have any runs in it. Using a different VBS curriculum? This new stuff doesn’t emphasis that Jesus is the Son of God enough (ironically the RBP curriculum they’d always used was about Daniel that year so it wasn’t about Jesus at all). Starting small groups to include the fringe folks? Why change things for those people anyway? You want to sing some praise choruses along with the hymns? Next thing you know you’ll have a band on stage.

    All those examples happened to us at our church and are not exaggerated. The deacon board spent their whole time instead of appreciating and supporting their pastor in whining and complaining.

  10. Pastor has urged us not to read the paper on Sunday Mornings before Church. It is full of things that will lead your mind astray during the sermon. I made the mistake of looking at the paper one Sunday Morning and, you know, he was right! My mind kept wandering back to the sale paper for The Dollar Store! They had a sale on knee-high pantyhose and I also had a coupon for them, so they basically would have been free. You have to get there early though or all that is left are the Orange-ish ones. I like to stock up on the white ones. And that’s all I could think about. I almost missed my cue to go to the piano for the invitation.
    My dad reads the paper first and will cut out any articles that he says are not for young eyes to see. Well, he did that until he got a blister on his thumb from the scissors. He says we are old enough now to be discerning, but reserves the right to break out the scissors. My brother, Uriah, says the paper is available online without many of the temptations the print edition has. But, my father says that he needs to hold the paper in his hands to be able to drink his coffee correctly. He’s so funny!

    1. Well, there can be a lot of women in underwear for Uriah to see. Not that he would. I’m sure Uriah is a clean-thinking young man, who would instantly dismiss the photos as pornography and throw them away.

    2. If you’re not wearing pantyhose, young lady, you are in league with ole deluder Satan himself! You wicked Jezebel! And make sure that you don’t wear patterned hose, because Bill Grady says they are evil!

  11. This is my absolute fundy pet-PEEVE!

    What always tickles me is when you have someone who ministers the gospel to people in a more passive way, but is truly ministering, and fundies accuse them of sugar-coating and make it wrong somehow.

    So, what?!? They’re STILL ministering to people!

    1. Exactly! That’s why the Bible uses the image of the BODY for the church: we’re not all alike and our ministry styles or focus won’t be the same. But none of us can say, “I have no need of you!” or “That part of the body is less important than this.”

      1. Now you know that the only really important part of the Body is the mouth that preaches from the pulpit every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday night. 😀

        1. Err… haven’t you got the mouth mixed up with the other end, the bit that warms the pew?

  12. Of course, the sin could also be the title near the bottom of the page: “A Single, Terrifying Moment: Shots, A Scuffle, Some Luck.” You see, years ago, people would have credited the hand of God if they had escaped being killed by a gunman. Now it’s just attributed to “some luck.” See how pagan America is? “Luck” has replaced God as the influencing power behind events.

  13. I remember when they started to change the times of the different services. Meeting on Saturday night! That was…Catholic! Until they found out the Catholics were following the Jewish custom of a day starting at sundown…then it was ok.

    But to offer people options of an early morning or afternoon service? It says right there somewhere (and if it doesn’t we’ll twist so that it does) that Sunday Worship takes place at 11 pm. Doing it earlier or later would just be accommodating the flesh! 😛 Its wrong! 🙂

    1. I love listening to AM radio, especially near the mountains, because that’s where the best bluegrass is played.

      ANYWAY, you’ll get advertisements for churches and I love when they say the church times (which of course is the standard 10 SS, 11 worship) and then they say, “Just come as you are”.

      But, you better be dressed right. 😉

    2. For years, I belonged to a church that had its Sunday worship service at 10 a.m. First-time visitors would invariably arrive just before 11 o’clock, despite the fact that the sign out front announced the worship and Sunday school times. Church is just supposed to be at 11, apparently.

        2. Someone called the church office for information once and asked “What time is your 11:00 service?” That was good for a laugh for weeks.

  14. what about the ungodly reference to “luck”? clearly a liberal attempt to deny the providence of God.

  15. Is this the same thing as assuming guilt on the part of a fundy pastor whenever a new scandal du jour comes up? :ducks:

    1. With me, no, because I assume innocent until proven guilty.

      But, then after you have countless victims or witnesses and say, in the cases of violence, the guy has a tendency in his past toward violence (fights, threats, etc.), then it raises an eyebrow.

      But, who am I to talk? Defense attorneys don’t usually like people like me on jurys due to being a po-po wife.

  16. CampMeetingGirl, you are such a liberal! We buy the early edition Saturday evening so as not to draw anyone (the paperboy or the store clerk) – further – into sin by inducing them to work on the Sabbath. 😳

  17. “Did a well-known philanthropist just donate millions to charity? He must be a Catholic trying to work his way to heaven!”

    A story to illustrate this. My father was in hospital with Cancer. He had a lot of Roman Catholic friends (he had been involved in Cross-Community work at the height of the Northern Ireland Troubles) and a lot of them came to visit him regularly and faithfully. He remarked on this to a Protestant friend of his, who happened to go to a Baptist Church which was basically Ultra-Fundamentalist in outlook. This friend said “They are doing that because they believe they are earning their way to Heaven”. Dad was hurt.

    1. That is terrible. A lot of Fundies are ice-cold-hearted. Why do they always have to be all about their fundamentalism?

Comments are closed.