The challenge today is to rewrite (or invent) hymn titles to demonstrate fundamentalist reality.
Here are a few to start…
Break Thou The Purely Symbolic Matzo Cracker Of Life
When We Baptists Get To Heaven
Blessed Be the Standards That Bind
Blindly Trust And Obey Without Thinking
Revive Us Again, and Again, and Again, and…
When I was in college, the school choir used to sing:
Like a mighty turtle
Moves the church of God
Brothers we are treading
Where we’ve always trod
Tune of “There is a Fountain”
There is an altar w/ tissues…
“Ole Camp Meeting Time Song”
Many, many years ago
When I was just a lad
Preacher used to come to church
And tell us what was bad.
Pictures Shows and Rock and Roll
Women who wear slacks
Non K-J-V Bibles
Playing cards and dating blacks.
I like the old time
Screaming
Yelling
Ranting
Raving
I like the old time
Preaching at the choir
I like the old time
Shouting
Judging
Finger Pointing
I like the old time
way it was before!
Holy, holy, holy! Pastor Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
God in One Person, blessed more than me!
From a Facebook friend who wishes to remain anonymous:
Master, the Joneses are raging,
The enrollment is going down,
We’re having to lay off staff members,
while bank accounts start to drown,
Carest Thou not that we have TRACS,
it looks so good on our site,
but since grads are beginning to speak out,
there may be a great college flight!
Work for the Pastor is Coming
(to the tune of ‘Work for the Night is Coming’)
Work for the Pastor is coming
Work in the setting sun
Work that is given to women
Means man’s work is done
Free from the Law,
Oh, happy condition!
Sin all I want
And still get remission.
(borrowed from RC Sproul)
Some of these are quite funny. . Thanks! 🙂
Oh happy day!
Oh happy day!
When Jesus took
my sense of humor away!
I just caught myself mind-humming “let the lower lights be burning”. Pretty classic as is!
Some highlights:
Some poor struggling, sinking sailor you may rescue, you may save
&
Trying now to make the harbor, some poor sailor may be lost.
Actually the chorus we sang was “Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.” Rather archaic verbiage and imagery.
Nearer, My God, to Thee,
Nearer to Thee,
Nearer than the Methodist,
Since I’m IFB!
Oh, just thought of another:
Shall We Gather at the River? = Shall We Gather at the Buffet?
Just as I Am (which is still better than most)
Just As I Am (which is a lot better than some others I know)
More about Pastor would I know,
Less of God’s grace to others show:
More of his saving sermons give,
More like my hero would I live.
More, more about Pastor;
More, more about Pastor;
More of his huge insanity.
More of his rank brutality.
I know it’s not changing the words, but that one hymn that talks about “millions groping in darkness” always made me chuckle.
“Oh Lord my god When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works they hand hath made
I see the cars, I hear the pulpit thunder
Thy power throughout the Old Downtown Church displayed…
Then sings my soul my pastor-god to thee
How Great thou art
How Great thou art
Then sings my soul my pastor-god to thee
How Great thou art
How Great thou art
(Be Thou My Vision)
” (Pastor) Be thou my conscience,
O lord of my life;
Naught be all else to me,
Except what thou write!