43 thoughts on “Attendence To Special Meetings”

  1. It must have been your Fundy upbringing that stopped you from putting the dance in attenDANCE. 🙂

    1. I always misspell that and now you’ve just given me a really good excuse. 🙂

  3. “Three to thrive” is a lie! You’re actually wanted in your place every single time the doors are open. This tends to be more than three times per week, given visitation, revivals, etc.

  4. My interpretive dance would be sitting silently w/ your hands by your side King James Bible open on lap, and occasionaly HAY-MEN yell, but only at such time as the preacher doth require it. That might be more performance art than interpretive dance, but I think it’s perectly sums it up, and would have to be performed for 6 to 8 consecutive days while ignoring family emergencies & cancelling previously planned events to make attenDANCE.

  5. So many possible levels to this post, not all applying to attendance. It made me think of the fundy “caste” system as well.

  6. Then there was the church that proudly proclaimed they were family oriented and expected Deacon Smith” to be at the & am Sunday prayer meeting, SS, AM service, afternoon nursing home service, choir practice, evening service, Monday night deacon meeting, Tuesday night visitation, Wednesday night prayer meeting (where no one prayed), Thursday night babysitting the kids while the Mrs. goes to ladies’ fellowship, Friday night youth group, Saturday morning men’s prayer breakfast followed by more visitation.

  10. Note also it turned out in the shape of an inverted five-pointed star (pentagram), which probably places me neatly in the Satanic category, now.

  17. @Tikatu: let’s see. I’ve been through the entire series multiple times in both hard copy and audiobook. I’ve watched all the movies at least twice each, have gone to midnight showings for the last two (at the evil theater) and intend to do so for both parts of the last one. Yeah, I think that makes me a Harry Potter fan. 😉 I also like to listen to rock. I’m such a heathen.

    @Dan: you’re talking to a bunch of ex-dispies (and probably a few current dispies as well). What do you expect? 😛

  18. @Jordan where to rap fans fit in on the chart? It’s gotta be worse than the satanic rockers, no?

  19. How is Sesame Street “gay”? C’mon, Bert and Ernie are two roommates that teach children about sharing. Oh, the bathtub scenes? Nevermind …

  22. @Rob: Rap probably fits in with rock, though I’ve never heard a fundy argue that rap is satanic the way rock supposedly is. I sweated over this thing and eventually had to leave some archenemies out–hence the “simplified field guide.” 😉

  25. @Don NICE! Man of God is right where he should be, direct horizontal relationship to God himself, the center of the churches life, and the final authority in all things! 🙂 It’s a shame Scripture never set that system up, seems to work pretty well for the happy fundys! 🙂

  26. @Jordan, I just felt left. Rock is good, so I suppose I still qualify as a Satanist, and it’s comforting to know the odds are rap falls in one of the satanist overlaps! 🙂

  27. BTW, I love the inclusion that not only is the Pope Catholic & greedy, but also GAY! I suppose it’s all the fabulous robes that got to him.

  29. @Rob: Yeah, I figured the Pope’s gayness would be implicit in his status as head of all Catholic priests, fundy opinions of whom are clear and frequently voiced.

    @Don: Love the “cloud of witnesses” and the direct correlation of the Man of God with God!

  35. @Jordan: That chart is amazing. I believe I’ve heard sermons that mentioned Sesame Street, boy bands, and the Pope all under one point.

    Great thread.

  36. @TomK must’ve been the point on the gays as the chart clearly indicates all 3 are well within the gay circle of sinners.

  38. Where is the SFL poster shop so we can buy these?

    An SFL stores? That’s an idea I can get behind. I need me a t-shirt, desk calendar, and a set of Stuff Fundies Like shot glasses.

  39. Thanx Jordan…. “The Man of God” insisted that I make his billing a larger and bolder font as well.
    btw, I like the SFL Shot glass Idea and maybe some KJVO beer glasses as well. We have all been in the Fundy, “God Marketing” schemes before so surely we could market this stuff out the wahzoo. Probably raise enough to pay for publishing Darrell’s SFL book as well… hummmmm. What say ye?

  40. I like Don’s marketing idea. 🙂

    And great diagrams I must say. Such great truth is spoken!! All ye satanists best be repentin’ now!

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