30 thoughts on “Bible Stories: Elisha And The She Bears”
You been listening to Phil Kidd sermons again?
I get this one a lot.
The time off did someone a lot of good–he has returned as Superposter! And I am thankful because there have been some super posts lately!
To this day when I’m mocking a preacher I still half-expect a bear to eat me.
It’s so sad that I have heard this used over and over again, in different contexts.
If you don’t do this, God might kill your kid to get to you!
If you don’t tithe gross, you are robbing God and he might just take your house!
If you aren’t in church everytime the doors are open you are gonna miss out on a blessing and God might kill your kids (never mind the fact I am blessed with all spiritual blessings…)
Apparently, according to IFB’s, God treats the saved worse than the unsaved. Also, God loves killing kids according to IFB’s.
I’m continually amazed at the amount of abuse that some of these folks have experienced.
I’ve been in the IFB since ’97 and don’t even remember the she bear being preached on. I’ve heard it joked about, but never in a serious manner, and to have preachers tell you that God is going to kill your kids?
What kind of wacko churches did you people attend anyway?
Oh right, the IFB kind. Nevermind.
I never actually heard this in sermon ever. However, I remember a comedy group did stuff with this few years back at a retreat I attended. Made t-shirts, which were kinda funny. Guess I’m privileged to not be haunted by bears! 🙂
Scare tactics are a sure way to manipulate young people to get down to the (so-called) altar for a head count so the puppet master can put more notches in his “spit-at-ual” six shooters. Angry preaching, angry gawd, crying, begging, screamin’ whatever it takes to fill the (so-called) altar and stroke the speaker’s ego.
Thank God I’ve been gone from Fundyland. I can honestly say in my years in ministry, I’ve never threatened a child with eternal damnation.
@exfundy I heard that so many times in reference to my parents. That God might just take them away if I didn’t honor them. My Dad and I never had a good relationship and my mom told me one time that she didn’t want her husband taken away from her because God wanted to teach me a lesson…ah memories.
I’ve had the she=bear thing pulled on me since 2001, when I started documenting abuses in Christian Fundamentalism. So far, I have successfully escaped the jaws of the she-bears, though I have been nipped by a few bitches here and there, and chased through the cow patties by angry bulls.
😆
Oh yes, I have been threatened with the she-bears many times when I dared to figuratively “touch God’s annointed” . Interpreted into IFBx-ese that means questioning an IFBx pastor. Non-IFBx pastors are entirely okay to criticize, of course.
I love that story! Whenever anyone teases me about being thinner and thinner on top (I wish they were teasing about being thinner and thinner around the middle), I remind them of that particular story!
We bald guys have to have some recourse for them young whippersnappers!
I’ve heard that if you use your children as an excuse (as in you stay home on Sunday and Wednesday nights so they can get a good night’s sleep and be able to function the next day) that God may very well take your children away from you so you have no excuse to attend church every time the doors are open.
Twisted. Seriously.
@PK —
:-O Oh my. Oh dear me. . . . Oh that’s bad.
Not the exact same thing. The music minister told my mom, the pastor’s wife and pianist for our church, that her talent would be taken away and/or her fingers taken away if she decided not to continue playing the piano after my brother was born. She stopped and still has all her fingers.
As one of my friends would say, “Mean AND delusional– wow, that’s quite a combination.”
On the flipside of things, I remember attending a conference in Rockhamption Australia where Doug Fisher opened his heart about how he had wanted to commit suicide during a time in his life because something happened in his life (I don’t recall, but I think his daughter died). I thought it was a wonderful sermon and it was refreshing “Hey, he is just like me, he struggles with sorrow and depression and God helped him!” but others were like “oh, he must have had some sin in his life for God to punish him like that” and “he shouldn’t have said all that, he is God’s man and shouldn’t reveal his weaknesses”.
I was horrified at the responses he got.
I didn’t know what y’all were talking about with the she-bears thing. Wow. Weird. Glad I’ve never heard that before. How twisted.
Stephie: See 2 Kings 2:23-24.
Some little kids made fun of Elisha’s bald head, so …
@exIFB
“Apparently, according to IFB’s, God treats the saved worse than the unsaved. Also, God loves killing kids according to IFB’s.”
Yeah, it’s kind of like God is the CEO of some kind of sales company only worse. You know how sales companies generally roll out the red carpet for their new and potential clients only to take away service after service from their old and loyal clients? Well, here’s how the IFB God is worse. You see, a sales company still treats their old clients as if they were customers. The IFB God treats them like a sales CEO treats his employees, which is like absolute crap. The customer is always right and the sales rep is always wrong. Guess who we are in this little analogy?
Thank goodness I got out of that and stopped trying to sell the Gospel.
I’m not familiar with the story, but I am with the tactic. My grandmother died in January of this year and my dad’s step-mom told me that because of the suddeness of her death, it could have been god trying to get my attention becuase I have fallen off the path, and that “you never know how he might try to get your attention next if you don’t turn back to him”.Yeah…I was a little put off.
What’s sad is that they think that kind of thing will get people to come to church, when in reality, it only turns people away.
Why would anyone want to worship a God who is so mean he would kill your grandmother for something you (not your grandmother) did?
Sorry, that’s not the God I believe in.
You know, if you really take a step back and look at the whole “she bear” story, how believable is it…really? Is God that insecure that He has to defend His honor by proxy? This leads to the story of the axe head floating, etc., etc. Making fun of bald men is what kids DO! That’s the sort of thing that makes them…well, KIDS. I mean, make a funny observation of some preachers male pattern baldness and it will cost him is life? It’s things like that that will cause credibility issues with Christianity.
hahah funny. but i think people are taking this too seriously…some youth were calling Elisha “baldy” and he called she-bears to maul them. I think its funny. some youth ministers i know had camp shirts that said “What’d you say about my hair??” with the verse under it. Its just one of those stories in the bible thats true, but funny. Elisha came before Christ when the idea of eternal damnation was different. With christ we are all saved…
At a youth camp I was a counselor at, there was a skit competition to see which group could come up with the best skit by the end of the week. The 4-6 year old boys’ group performed this Bible story as their skit, with the two counselors serving as Elisha and the She-bear and the kids being attacked. It was actually pretty funny.
I wonder how many Old Testament mothers warned their naughty children, “So you’d better behave, or, just like those boys with Elijah, the BEARS Will Get You!” 😀
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A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
You been listening to Phil Kidd sermons again?
I get this one a lot.
The time off did someone a lot of good–he has returned as Superposter! And I am thankful because there have been some super posts lately!
To this day when I’m mocking a preacher I still half-expect a bear to eat me.
It’s so sad that I have heard this used over and over again, in different contexts.
If you don’t do this, God might kill your kid to get to you!
If you don’t tithe gross, you are robbing God and he might just take your house!
If you aren’t in church everytime the doors are open you are gonna miss out on a blessing and God might kill your kids (never mind the fact I am blessed with all spiritual blessings…)
Apparently, according to IFB’s, God treats the saved worse than the unsaved. Also, God loves killing kids according to IFB’s.
I’m continually amazed at the amount of abuse that some of these folks have experienced.
I’ve been in the IFB since ’97 and don’t even remember the she bear being preached on. I’ve heard it joked about, but never in a serious manner, and to have preachers tell you that God is going to kill your kids?
What kind of wacko churches did you people attend anyway?
Oh right, the IFB kind. Nevermind.
I never actually heard this in sermon ever. However, I remember a comedy group did stuff with this few years back at a retreat I attended. Made t-shirts, which were kinda funny. Guess I’m privileged to not be haunted by bears! 🙂
This is a sister post to:
http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2009/02/hair-raising-sermon-illustrations/
Scare tactics are a sure way to manipulate young people to get down to the (so-called) altar for a head count so the puppet master can put more notches in his “spit-at-ual” six shooters. Angry preaching, angry gawd, crying, begging, screamin’ whatever it takes to fill the (so-called) altar and stroke the speaker’s ego.
Thank God I’ve been gone from Fundyland. I can honestly say in my years in ministry, I’ve never threatened a child with eternal damnation.
@exfundy I heard that so many times in reference to my parents. That God might just take them away if I didn’t honor them. My Dad and I never had a good relationship and my mom told me one time that she didn’t want her husband taken away from her because God wanted to teach me a lesson…ah memories.
I’ve had the she=bear thing pulled on me since 2001, when I started documenting abuses in Christian Fundamentalism. So far, I have successfully escaped the jaws of the she-bears, though I have been nipped by a few bitches here and there, and chased through the cow patties by angry bulls.
😆
Oh yes, I have been threatened with the she-bears many times when I dared to figuratively “touch God’s annointed” . Interpreted into IFBx-ese that means questioning an IFBx pastor. Non-IFBx pastors are entirely okay to criticize, of course.
I love that story! Whenever anyone teases me about being thinner and thinner on top (I wish they were teasing about being thinner and thinner around the middle), I remind them of that particular story!
We bald guys have to have some recourse for them young whippersnappers!
I’ve heard that if you use your children as an excuse (as in you stay home on Sunday and Wednesday nights so they can get a good night’s sleep and be able to function the next day) that God may very well take your children away from you so you have no excuse to attend church every time the doors are open.
Twisted. Seriously.
@PK —
:-O Oh my. Oh dear me. . . . Oh that’s bad.
Not the exact same thing. The music minister told my mom, the pastor’s wife and pianist for our church, that her talent would be taken away and/or her fingers taken away if she decided not to continue playing the piano after my brother was born. She stopped and still has all her fingers.
As one of my friends would say, “Mean AND delusional– wow, that’s quite a combination.”
On the flipside of things, I remember attending a conference in Rockhamption Australia where Doug Fisher opened his heart about how he had wanted to commit suicide during a time in his life because something happened in his life (I don’t recall, but I think his daughter died). I thought it was a wonderful sermon and it was refreshing “Hey, he is just like me, he struggles with sorrow and depression and God helped him!” but others were like “oh, he must have had some sin in his life for God to punish him like that” and “he shouldn’t have said all that, he is God’s man and shouldn’t reveal his weaknesses”.
I was horrified at the responses he got.
I didn’t know what y’all were talking about with the she-bears thing. Wow. Weird. Glad I’ve never heard that before. How twisted.
Stephie: See 2 Kings 2:23-24.
Some little kids made fun of Elisha’s bald head, so …
@exIFB
“Apparently, according to IFB’s, God treats the saved worse than the unsaved. Also, God loves killing kids according to IFB’s.”
Yeah, it’s kind of like God is the CEO of some kind of sales company only worse. You know how sales companies generally roll out the red carpet for their new and potential clients only to take away service after service from their old and loyal clients? Well, here’s how the IFB God is worse. You see, a sales company still treats their old clients as if they were customers. The IFB God treats them like a sales CEO treats his employees, which is like absolute crap. The customer is always right and the sales rep is always wrong. Guess who we are in this little analogy?
Thank goodness I got out of that and stopped trying to sell the Gospel.
I’m not familiar with the story, but I am with the tactic. My grandmother died in January of this year and my dad’s step-mom told me that because of the suddeness of her death, it could have been god trying to get my attention becuase I have fallen off the path, and that “you never know how he might try to get your attention next if you don’t turn back to him”.Yeah…I was a little put off.
What’s sad is that they think that kind of thing will get people to come to church, when in reality, it only turns people away.
Why would anyone want to worship a God who is so mean he would kill your grandmother for something you (not your grandmother) did?
Sorry, that’s not the God I believe in.
You know, if you really take a step back and look at the whole “she bear” story, how believable is it…really? Is God that insecure that He has to defend His honor by proxy? This leads to the story of the axe head floating, etc., etc. Making fun of bald men is what kids DO! That’s the sort of thing that makes them…well, KIDS. I mean, make a funny observation of some preachers male pattern baldness and it will cost him is life? It’s things like that that will cause credibility issues with Christianity.
hahah funny. but i think people are taking this too seriously…some youth were calling Elisha “baldy” and he called she-bears to maul them. I think its funny. some youth ministers i know had camp shirts that said “What’d you say about my hair??” with the verse under it. Its just one of those stories in the bible thats true, but funny. Elisha came before Christ when the idea of eternal damnation was different. With christ we are all saved…
At a youth camp I was a counselor at, there was a skit competition to see which group could come up with the best skit by the end of the week. The 4-6 year old boys’ group performed this Bible story as their skit, with the two counselors serving as Elisha and the She-bear and the kids being attacked. It was actually pretty funny.
I wonder how many Old Testament mothers warned their naughty children, “So you’d better behave, or, just like those boys with Elijah, the BEARS Will Get You!” 😀