Let the child realize that you are simply representing God in the execution of the punishment.
Sometimes spanking should leave stripes on the child.
During the formative years, yea, the infant years, the child should be spanked. As soon as his is old enough to walk away from his parents he should be spanked if he does not walk where they say he should walk. … Parents should not have to remove vases and delicate glass ornaments from living room tables. A house need not become disorderly and full of riots because a baby has come. Start early in disciplining the child.
The [spanking] ritual should be deliberate and last at least ten or fifteen minutes. It should be a ritual dreaded by the child. He should not only dread the pain but the time consumed in the ordeal.
The punishment should always be far in excess of the pleasure enjoyed by doing wrong.
Never give a child that for which he cries. The baby who cries for attention and gets it will become a child who cries for a toy and gets it
The spanking should be administered firmly. It should be painful and it should last until the child’s will is broken. It should last until the child is crying not tears of anger but tears of a broken will. As long as he is stiff, grits his teeth, holds on to his own will, the spanking should continue. ¦
After the spanking tell him why you did it. While he is still crying have him sit down.
Happy is the child who feels the security of such punishment.
” Jack Hyles
How to Rear Children (1972)
Definitely heard this type of thing before. But hey, it worked for his family, right? Oh wait… 😐
And every time I hear that junk about not “giving in” to a baby’s cries I think of Matthew 7:11.
Attention? How about the fact that God listens to my every prayer and has given me the Holy Spirit as an ever-present comforter! How about the fact that no matter how undeserving I am, Christ DIED FOR ME! How about his Word, where I can feast any time I like?
I certainly wouldn’t say that his love and attention “spoil” me into wanting material things. “Well, the God of the Universe loves me. So now I want a Ferrari.” It just doesn’t follow. In fact, I wonder if a lot of children get greedy for material things because they DON’T have the security of parental love.
Sheesh. Sorry. You nailed one of my pet peeves. 🙂
I wasn’t going to go there but now that you mention it…
Spanking, when done right, is good for a child.
However, this article by Dr. Hyles isn’t right. First of all, it doesn’t take 10-15 minutes for a spanked child to cry. Many children start crying and begging forgiveness before the first spanking (though they still need spanked a few times because crying doesn’t change the fact that they disobeyed).
The way Dr. Hyles described it is only going to create rebellion in a child. That, or a very broken child who doesn’t have the ability to stick up for himself because he’s so emotionally weak. (I guess it depends on the child’s personality)
May I suggest Do You Mind if Your Kids Don’t? by Evangelist Bill Rice III. He is a “fundy” preacher that counseled me and my wife that we were spanking too much. A balance between instruction and discipline is needed.
emotionally weak people… Hyles… hmmmm….
Well, this is not exactly how I used spanking when disciplining.
But then again, none of my kids have had multiple sexual affairs while married . . .
Guess I’m not qualified to write a book. 🙁
I can’t believe this was actually written in a book somewhere. Oh, yes I can, it’s Hyles.
If kids are supposed to be spanked until the child’s will is broken, some would be spanked eternally.
A spanking is a punishment, not a tool for breaking the will.
I was raised in this kind of church… my brother still attends 1st Baptist of Hammond.
ugh. It has caused me so much emotional/spiritual distress. 🙁
so sad.
Just got done spanking my child for not obeying and then had the opportunity to present the law and the gospel to her once again. It took 3 swats and 3 minutes.
I think for Hyle’s it’s all about control, when it really is about love. “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
Wow, I thought it was made up until I read the signature at the end… Just wow,
When I was four years old, I did something to get my mom upset with me. Her brother and sister, my aunt and uncle were visiting at the time. My mom started spanking me, but as stubborn as I am I told her “THAT DOESN’T HURT!!” and “HARDER!!” Ah, I remember it well. It was all my aunt and uncle could do not to burst out laughing in the other room.
I will say, I deserved it, but like someone already said, if you keep spanking until the will is broken, you would be spanking until eternity. It would have been much better for me if my parents had broken my will then, but it seems only God had a big enough spank stick…
I would say that if I were to spank my daughter until I broke her will, it would definitely constitute child abuse. I noticed that there was no Scripture referenced in the article.
I’ve heard of guys in fundie colleges that think husbands should spank their wives. Not the fun kind, that would be deviant. They believed that if a wife was not submissive, showed any form of dissent, or just didn’t do something they asked, they were allowed to administer corporal punishment. Crazy, huh?
JJ Please tell me you’re joking.
JJ’s not kidding, Crystal. I once attended a church where the pastor advocated that very thing. BTW, nearly 3/4 of the marriages he performed ended in divorce, including that of his daughter and grandson. Surprised?
I meant “those” of his daughter and grandson. Oops!
What fundies love more than spanking is telling stories about spanking. The more accurately you can describe it, the more details you include, the more you can make us feel like we were there when you spared not the rod, the more you can make us laugh with you the better preacher you are! Preach it brother, preach it. = (
This is sickening to me. And I had better just stop there.
Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like “Supernanny” and “Dr. Phil” are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit http://www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
Churches’ Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus’ Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
There’s websites you can visit which caters for these sorts of interests…
What do you mean, it’s not sexual?
Yeah, right.
OH, i remember when i snuck into a child-rearing conference at my church. my pastor beleivesd that as long as your child lived in your house you as the parents had every right to spank them. . . then he was very descriptive on how he spanked his 17 year old daughter. . .
Spanking to break a child’s will? That is horrifying. My parents were like that, not just with spanking but with emotional and verbal abuse. They thought that always telling me that I was a horrible child, overreacting to me being “bad”, and screaming were the only way to teach me how to be a good Christian. It was so bad that I couldn’t make any descisions for myself. I always had to have either my mom or dad’s approval. I was spanked for sillly things like foregtting to close the front door properly or looking like I had a “bad attitude”. To this day I have problems with my independence and I’m 23. My own personality, creativity and will to do things had been so stifled as a child, I find it hard to function as an adult and now have a *gasp* pyschologist that has been such a wonderful help. I feel like I own my life now.
“Stop your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
The sad thing is, I knew who wrote this even before I got to the end. My parents believed in Jackism to the hilt. I grew up hearing all of this.
I can testify to the lasting damage that is done by this kind of thinking. I have only recently been able to overcome my bitterness through the help of the Bible.
What’s even more sad?…I thought it was more well-written satire…
I was spanked, and slapped (a LOT), and whipped, and had my will broken. I also had to stay home from IFB school “sick” to hide my mother’s shame that she split my lip the night before while swinging hard plastic within-reach objects around my head. I really would have no good idea of how to discipline a child due to my own childhood, which is partially the reason why I’m glad my wife and I are childless by choice. Hitting your kids may have its place in your household, but please remember all you parents out there to temper your discipline with real love.
If you think Hyles’ stuff is bad, read what Michael and Debi Pearl have published repeatedly on the same subject. They advocate spanking infants, for crying out loud.
The worst of it is, I believed some of it. I never totally bought everything the Pearls were saying, but I went through a phase when my daughter was little, that if she did not respond to my commands I instantly spanked her. This only lasted for a couple of months, thanks to my husband’s common sense stepping in. Later we discovered that she was handicapped (autism) and had no comprehension of more than half of what we were saying to her. And I had made her life miserable through my own willingness to follow someone who said they were speaking for God. I have asked both God and my daughter to forgive me many times since, and they have. But the hardest part has been forgiving myself.
My dad always laughed as he’d tell the story of how he’d spanked me when I was a baby (young toddler? not sure of the exact age) because I wouldn’t stop crying, then he discovered that I was crying because one of my diaper pins had come unstuck and was poking me. He claimed to feel really bad when he saw that, but I always wondered why he’d repeat the story and laugh.
If he’s still a true fundy, I think you know why he laugh’s about it…
I was spanked as a kid mostly by my mom, but it was never out of anger and i always understood and never feared her. When done the right way, spanking can work, but its hard to find that balance. I think if you cant do it right, you just shouldn’t do it. I don’t understnad this kind of stuff from Hyles, it’s really sick. I don’t think some of these men understnad the influence they have on people, I wonder if they would write things like that if they did. I don’t know, it just hard to imagin anyone being that cruel.
No…they clearly understand the power they hold and the influence they have on their followers…and they LOVE it!
When I was a little boy, sometimes stubborn and defiant, throwing a temper tantrum, the best remedy for disobedience was a good, hard spanking on my bare butt. It was a clear and unmistakable signal for me that I couldn´t get my way. I had to submit unconditionally to dad´s and mom´s loving authority. No drugs and no sympathy for rebellious kids but the rod of correction! Children need love, instruction and biblical chastisement. It works wonder since thousands of years.
On the bare butt…what? you can’t inflict enough pain through a pair of pants?…well, anyway you seem quite “well-adjusted” now…
What a sick human being. And this is what passes for godliness?
My will was broken by the Hyles way when I was a kid. Now that I think of it, I remember seeing “How to Rear Children” on the bookshelf. Parents must be doing something right since they’re reading the instructions. They never were very bright people.
I turned out OK, other than the fact that for fun I sometimes hire beautiful women to beat me even worse now and I take it with a smile.
I guess that’s a normal adulthood, right? After all I’ve been able to earn enough money through my Baptist Protestant work ethic to afford such diversions.