Fundamentalists love comparing themselves to soldiers and the Christian life to war. Go to a fundy church for a few weeks and chances are good you’ll hear at least one sermon illustration involving soldiers, combat heroism, and a Christian in basic training who shined all the boots that were thrown at him (one can only imagine by Communist spies) as he prayed. If you’re a fundamentalist evangelist or preacher who has served in the armed forces and has good war stories to tell, your future is bright indeed.

It only stands to reason that fundamentalist would not only honor and respect the armed forces but actually imagine them to be a perfect representation of what Christians should look and act like. They love the uniformity, the short haircuts, the perfect posture, and the shiny, shiny shoes. They relish the idea of troops who are willing to follow orders from their leaders without question. They bask in the thoughts of a righteous army with very large guns blasting away the unholy denizens of evil empires.

Perhaps it doesn’t really occur to them that the aim of Christianity is to save people, not use Gospel foot soldiers to blow them into spiritual smithereens. Fundies may never ride in the cavalry but they’re in the Lord’s army. Yes, Sir.