Fundamentalists believe in the doctrine of Eternal Security otherwise known as the “Once Saved, Always Saved” approach to soteriology. However, this assurance robs fundamentalists of a vital tool used by other sects for keeping people in line; namely, the ability to threaten damnation for the malefactor’s eternal soul.

Not at all deterred by this, the fundamentalist simply modifies the approach slightly and instead suggests that if a person is currently in indulging in unspeakable wickedness, worldliness, and other types of wayward wandering that it’s likely they were never actually saved to start with. One way or another, if you sin you’re gonna burn.

Here’s the process.

1. The Question
“Would any true Christian be interested in reading that book?”

“Could a person who truly has the Holy Spirit happily go to that place?”

“If a person is truly born again could they really love that worldly thing?”

2. The Feigned Concern
“I’m concerned about your walk with the Lord.”

“I’m just don’t see the kind of growth that a true believer would have.”

“I think you may be self-deceived. Did you really mean it when you prayed?”

3. The Benediction
“Has there ever been a time in your life…”

“I’m going to see about getting you some spiritual counseling.”

“I will pray for you.”

Your eternal destiny is heavy price to pay for wanting to read the latest fantasy novel or listen to the radio.

By the way, if you’re going to stay in fundyland, my advice is to learn how to cry on command when confronted with these individuals. Show remorse and let them move on to the next victim. The penitent man shall pass.