Tag Archives: gossip

Poetry

Saying “A Prayer”

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Dedicated to gossips in mid-week prayer meetings everywhere.

Do you have a bit of gossip?
Say a prayer.
Have Joneses had a toss up?
Say a prayer.
Say it loudly in a meeting
Tell them all who has been cheating
And about the wife he’s beating
Say a prayer.

Is your story nice and juicy?
Say a prayer.
Is your neighbor loosey goosey?
Say a prayer.
Wear a most self-righteous look
Name the names of who partook
No, don’t write it in a book!
Say a prayer.

Finding sin within your campers?
Say a prayer.
Know who church revival dampers?
Say a prayer.
…or if you are not a man
At request time raise a hand
And we’ll find someone who can
Say a prayer.

Current Events

Silence (Giving Consent)

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"Loose lips might sink ships" - NARA - 513543

I have a message for you all from the First Baptist Church of Hammond, Indiana and their associated staff, members, fans, toadies, lackeys, and hangers-on: they would like for all of you to shut up now. Stop talking about Jack Schaap’s sin. Stop feeling sympathy for his victim. Stop recalling the sins of Jack and David Hyles. Stop bringing up all the many others just like them that have walked the halls of that church and school. Cease and desist. Just shut up.

You’re hurting the cause of Christ by letting the world know that (yet another!) fundamentalist pastor is a hypocrite. You’re hurting all the church members who sat and watched his shenanigans in silence and didn’t move to stop him. You’re vindictively hurting a good man who only made one little mistake and who has probably already suffered enough and should be back in another pulpit any time now.

Besides all that, you can’t possibly know the whole story. This seventeen-year old was just as guilty as the pastor who preyed on her. I heard from a very reliable source that he read on the Internet that she was a seductress trained by the Communists at the Vatican to ensnare fundamentalists preachers. And I like that story a lot better than the one you’re telling so it must be true. If there’s any victim here is that man of God who has lost his ministry. He’s all that matters, not some little tramp.

Is Schaap’s offense really all that great? He slightly stumbled. He merely tripped. He slipped a little, lost his balance and inadvertently penetrated a seventeen-year-old. It could happen to anybody. There’s no reason for all this fuss. After all, we can all agree that he’s still a wonderful man with a powerful ministry. Who cares what happens to one floozy? Is she more important than all the souls we’re trying to save?

All you have to do is be quiet. Sit silent. Do nothing.

Silence gives consent.

Sermons

Gossip That Isn’t About Me

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Transcript from a chapel sermon at a Fundy U not far from you.

Young people, today I’d like to say a word or two to you today about gossip. Gossip is a blight upon our world, upon our country, and upon this very community of saints on our college campus. It is nothing short of an epidemic of evil.

Why, just today someone report to me that there’s a rumor going around that I only have marital relations with my wife on major holidays*.  This is not true in any way shape or form. There are also plenty of minor holidays on the calendar as well. For example, today is Queen’s Night in the Netherlands and I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions about the significance of that.

But even worse than this sort of silly gossip are the repeating of news stories from the godless press about scandals involving indiscretions of our fellow fundamentalists.  When a story breaks about a fellow fundamental Baptist who stands accused (or even convicted) of rape, murder, embezzlement, or public urination our response should simply be to stick our fingers in our collective ears and hum a happy little tune. My personal favorite for this is a little song called “If I don’t believe it, it didn’t happen la la la la la.” If you’d like, I would be happy to teach you the tune and lyrics.

You know, this entire topic reminds me of a story about a church next to a railroad tracks in Nazi Germany. The people inside the church would hear the cries of hapless folks being shipped by cattle car to meet their awful fate. And so to drown out those sad sounds, the congregation would raise its voice in song and sing as loudly as possible.  I think that we can probably all agree, that’s simply a wonderful way to deal with such an tragic circumstance. After all, the folks inside that church didn’t know the specific details of every individual on those cars and for all we know some of them may have deserved to be there. It wasn’t their business to get involved.

In a similar way, we often lack 100% proof of any wrong doing  regardless of how many witnesses are brought forward. No matter how damning the evidence may seem as long as it’s happening far away and we weren’t personally there it’s just none of our business and we should just try to do our best to block out the noise of crying children and wounded adults as best we can. I say to you all: just sing louder!

When someone comes to you with news that there is abuse in fundamentalism…sing louder!

When your best friend is expelled from this campus for some trifling crime…sing louder!

When justice, and mercy, and humility are rarely to be seen in any of the leadership or this any other fundamentalist institution…then sing the loudest of all!

So heed this message well. Do no allow one word of negativity to cross your lips. Unless the story of scandal is about some other so-called “Christian” college or church with whom we have no fellowship, of course. Then you’ll hear it preached from this very pulpit and none dare call it “gossip.”

Every head bowed, every eye closed…

*Actual rumor spread about real life Fundy U VP earning him the nickname of “Doc Holiday.”