Tag Archives: football

Sermons

Top 10 Thing You’ll Hear Fundamentalist Pastors Say On Superbowl Sunday

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The teams are chosen, the date is fixed, and all that remains before the Superbowl is hearing your favorite fundy preacher bloviate about how wicked it all is.

10. Those players should be in church!

9. Your posters on your bedroom wall should be a pastor or missionary not some cursing, fornicating sports star.

8. Why don’t people get as excited about soulwinning as they do about football?

7. The rock and roll debauchery of the halftime shows just shows how far America has fallen.

6. At the Great White Throne Judgement, Jesus isn’t going to care how far you could throw a football. He’s going to ask you how much you tithed.

5. What if we spent all the money that we pay those football teams on missions instead?

4. You all will go to a ball game and scream and yell but you come to church and I can’t hardly get you to say “amen” or get excited at all!

3. Those cheerleaders are immodest harlots. And you men who lust after them should be ashamed of yourselves.

2. Most of you aren’t going to listen to a thing I said here and you’re going to run straight home and put the game on.

1. Honey, are those nachos done yet? The second half is about to start!

Church Services

Asking Why We Don’t Cheer For Jesus

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It’s nearing that time of year when fundamentalist pastors dust off their extra-long Super Bowl Sunday sermon and prepare to castigate their congregations for loving sports more than they love Jesus. “Can somebody tell me why,” the preacher will bellow, “that people can get all excited and cheer and scream for a football game and yet they can’t get excited and cheer for Jesus?” Paradoxically, this line will generally produce quite a bit of cheering indeed.

The real question here is that if the behavior at church is going to be held to the standards of a sporting event, exactly how far is too far? Should we wear our team colors to church? Do we even have team colors? (Red, White, and Blue?). Would it be appropriate for brother “Big Jim” Smith to paint them on his naked torso?

What about concessions? Peanuts? Hot Dogs? Locusts and wild honey? Is it appropriate to do “the wave” when the preacher makes a great point and should the preacher in turn be expected to do an end zone dance at the end of the sermon?

I’ve certainly wondered if the pastor who chides his people for ‘not cheering’ really knows what he’s asking for. I trust you have too.