I love you, and that’s why I hate you.

I’m totally separated from the world so I can reach the world.

I’m have a mind that is so chaste and pure that I constantly obsess about sin and impurity

I’m humble and I’m so proud of that fact.

I have total freedom in these chains.

I need only the treasure laid up in heaven for me so give me your tithes and offerings here and now.

I am at peace in Jesus so I fight endlessly with those in Church.

I study to show myself approved through honorary doctorates and fake degrees.

I have the joy of the Lord which is why I’m so angry.

I’m am your servant leader which is what makes you my slave.

I am a fundamentalist who can’t remember the last time I actually cared about, talked about, or preached about the real fundamentals.