A good fundamentalist is in church every time the doors are open, no matter how often that may be. (Hint: it’s often).

Whether it’s Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night prayer meeting, Friday night Youth Group, or a myriad of special events, attendance is not optional. To a fundy, to miss a service is to miss out on the very blessing of God. And you don’t want to miss a blessing do you? Well do you? I didn’t think so.

Some fundy preachers take pride in reminding everyone of the time that they were sick with the bubonic plague, had their car stolen, broke both legs, and had just gotten off a shift at the salt mines where they had worked 73 straight hours nonstop, BUT HE STILL CAME TO BIBLE STUDY ANYWAY! So don’t even bother trying to use the excuse that you have the sniffles and didn’t want to give them to everyone else or that you’re just too tired after work to make prayer meeting. That sort of lily-livered tale is only for sissy’s and compromisers.

The postal service may still prevail through rain, sleet, and dark of night but the fundamentalist isn’t even deterred by hurricanes, wildfires, or the church being full of fresh paint fumes. Open the doors and see all the people.