Every fundamentalist knows that all public schools are bastions of devil-worship and endless drug-fueled orgies. The public schools are obviously a mess because after prayer was removed from them by the Supreme Court, real Christians stopped going there. And in a feat of perfect circular logic it then follows that (unless they are protesting something) real Christians should stay far away from public schools since only infidels attend and teach there. This is know as being “in the world but not of it.”

To solve the problem of how to educate their children, fundamentalists in a church of any decent size will inevitably start a school. Often times these schools have neat rules that require the parents of students to be members of the church in order to keep the riff-raff out. Unfortunately, government regulation has stepped in here as well to prevent many of these schools from carrying out biblical corporal punishment on children for offenses such as not raising their hands before talking in class or wearing the wrong colored socks with their uniform. It is obviously the age of Laodicea when you can’t even whip a child at school anymore.

For the most part fundamentalist schools run just about like any other school with the exception of having a pledge to the Christian flag, having chapel services ever day, and having a curriculum from the greatest minds that non-accredited fundamentalist colleges have ever produced. This curriculum is in turn taught by top-flight teachers who earn less than the pay at a good fast-food job.

Never fear, these schools are sure to give students have all the tools they need for a successful career at the basement bible college of their choosing. ab ove maiori discit arare minor