Once a year, fundamentalists pack their kids a suitcase and wave goodbye as the youngsters are hauled away to Christian camp. This is considered vital to to the children’s spiritual upbringing and also gives mom and dad a break — defined as “only taking care of the four youngest kids.” It’s a win-win.

Christian camp is a wonderful time to enjoy the outdoors, participate in sports, make new friends, and listen to approximately 3,468 sermons over the course of the week. This presents plenty of opportunities to get saved as many time as you like. After all, going forward to get saved again is always preferable to being stuck in your seat through an hour of singing while the counselors save other kids. It’s far better to walk the aisle and join in the fun.

Getting saved isn’t the only highlight though, there is also Scripture to memorize, crafts to make, and a camp store full of enough soft drinks and candy to ensure that the counselors never get a moment’s peace from chasing down hyper eight-year-olds. Another bright spot in the camping week is regular visits to the swimming pool (no mixed bathing of course). While dunking kids in chlorinated water may not be a substitute for daily bathing, it certainly doesn’t hurt.

As the week draws to a close, it’s a time for tearful farewells and getting saved one last time just to be sure. Then it’s back on the buses and back home until next year when they’ll do it all over again. No fundamentalist childhood would be complete without it.