Still in ‘vacation mode’ so instead of writing a real post, I’m giving you more of this:
Category Archives: Preachers
Cleaning Toilets
No matter how autocratic a fundamentalist leader may be, he will be obligated from time to time to pay lip service to the concept of servant leadership. This usually takes the form of recounting stories from the early days of his ministry when as a young preacher boy he served as the junior assistant to the associate youth pastor. Whatever else this story may involve there will without a doubt be a mention of cleaning toilets.
Indeed, in fundamentalism it appears that cleaning a toilet is the mark of a servant leader. It’s as if sometime during Bible college, the entire graduating class of preacher boys is taken by night to a candle-lit ceremonial loo scrubbing after which they are inducted into the society of Preachers Who Once Actually Got Their Hands A Smidge Dirty.
So, young man, shoulder your scrubber and clean with care. You too someday may regale your flock with stories of a time when you did your obeisance before the porcelain throne. And then you’ll stand in the ranks of the Servant Leaders, flushed with pride.
(Many thanks to Justin for the idea and my apologies for the tardiness in adding this acknowledgment.)
The Theory of Devolution
another David Grice special
Ministry Updates Featuring Bro. Dr. Chuck Cofty
Today we have Evangelist Bro. Dr. Chuck Cofty who demonstrates for us how to post a ministry update.
If the caps is a bit much for you just pretend that the whole thing is being bawled in your ear by R. Lee Ermey. Or Jesus. I get the impression that some fundamentalists think that they both sound a lot alike.
PASTOR SPROWLS HAS BEEN THE PASTOR HERE FOR TWENTY-ONE YEARS. WE HAVE HAD GOOD MEETINGS SO FOR THIS WEEK WITH THE OLD FASHIONED ALTAR BEING USED GREATLY. THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL CHURCH NESTLED IN THE MOUNTAINS OF CENTERAL PENNSYLVANIA AND COMPLETLY SURROUNDED BY LARGE MOUNTAINS. THE VIEWS ARE SIMILIAR TO THE PAINTINGS OF NORMAN ROCKWELL AND THE PEOPLE VERY KIND AND ATTENTIVE. WE HAVE HAD A LARGE NUMBER OF VISITORS EACH SERVICE WITH PASTOR JOHN LEATHERMAN AND MANY OF HIS FOLKS FROM HIS GOOD CHURCH IN ATTENDANCE LAST EVENING WITH PASTOR LEATHERMAN SINGING THE OFFRATORY. IF YOU ARE HEADED TOWARD PENN STATE THIS CHURCH IS JUST FIFTY MINUTES EAST. TRY IT – YOU WILL LIKE IT AND WANT TO STAY.
AFTERNOON OF THE 21ST A LADY FROM THE CHURCH WITH A THIRTY YEAR SON WHO IS A DRUG ADDICT ASK IF I WOULD MEET WITH HIM IN AN ATTEMPT TO LEAD HIM TO THE LORD. I MET WITH JOHN THIS AFTERNOON, HE SAID THAT HE HAD BEEN SAVED; I ASK HIM AND SHOWED HIM 11 COR 5:17 AND HE SAID THAT HE HAD NOT CHANGED WHEREUPON I SAID IN ALL PROBABILITY YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN SAVED. HE AGREED AND PRAYED WITH ME THAT THE LORD WOULD FORGIVE HIM AND SAVED HIM. WE WALKED BACK TO THE PASTOR’S HOME WITH JOHN NOW ON HIS WAY TO HEAVEN AND A PROMISE THAT HE WOULD BE IN THE SERVICE TONIGHT. PRAISE THE LORD!
Dr. Bro. Cofty stand out in my memory as the man who once in my hearing at Pensacola Christian College compared the ‘intelligence network’ of competing school Bob Jones University to that of Al-Qaeda. He was serious.
Speaker Introductions
And when the time shall come upon thee that thou shalt be blessed with the radiant presence of a GUEST SPEAKER then that shalt surely introduce him before the face of all the congregation that they might marvel before the greatness of his countenance and the sizableness of his church’s Sunday School attendance. This shalt thou do without fail for thou shall also be a GUEST SPEAKER someday and wilt need the favor returned.
And thou shalt raise thy voice aloud and long and tell of all the wondrous works of the GUEST SPEAKER with great praise of people he has saved, building funds he has gathered in, and liberals he has smitten with great smiting. And the people shall be suitably impressed and gather to have the word of his name writ upon their textus recepi.
And thou shalt not fail in extolling the many academic accomplishments of the GUEST SPEAKER making long mention of his degrees and accolades from various and sundry institutions of fundamentalist learning. But thou shalt in no wise use the words “unearned” or “honorary” or make mention of the fact that the greatest legitimate academic accomplishment of the GUEST SPEAKER‘s career is writing a curriculum to teach dispensationalism to 3rd grade Sunday School classes.
But whatever thou dost, leave some wiggle room in thy endorsement because thou may need to separate thyself from him someday and then thou shalt need to disavow ever really liking him in the first place.
And when thou has finished thou shalt in any wise give the invitation “Now, come and give us whatever God has laid on your heart.”
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, pp 42-43