king james version, Odds and Ends

Readers Submitted Photo: Cards From Fundies

158 Comments

Oh, how nice! A fundy friend has sent me a card! Hello, cute puppy.

Let’s look inside…

Oh, a plan of salvation insert? My friend knows I’ve been a Christian for 28 years now but I guess one can never be too careful. Let’s look at the rest of the card…

Wait, this is a Get Well card?? I feel so much better now! I guess a combo KJV1611 Promotion/Gospel Tract card really is good for any occasion.

If you too would like to bless the hearts of others in any season, check out KJVScriptureGreetings.com

158 thoughts on “Readers Submitted Photo: Cards From Fundies”

      2. I’m so JEALOUS! (I got up at 5;30 and thought, “Hey! I might be first!” and was STILL tenth!!!) Of course there are those who don’t “get it” but I do.

    2. The first shall be last and the last shall be first, so you are really the last. And I am first…but only for a few seconds then I’ll be lost in the middle.

  5. Dog with head on the Bible – cute.

    The rest of it? Blech! I used to send out stuff like this to my family all the time. 😥

    1. So it would seem. Oh, dear. My toy poodle and my miniature schnauzer like the NLT. 🙄

  7. Lol sounds to me like a subtle slap in your face Darrel. I can’t stand tactics like these that IFB folks pull on people they think need “help” or whatever.

    The pious, prideful self-righteous tone I get from that card is disgusting. 👿

    1. This is what I thought, too. Good thing they shared the Gospel with you. It’s not like you would have heard that in your home as an MK or in BIBLE COLLEGE. 🙄

  9. How cute. Someone wants to save your little soul with a cute little puppy & KJV. 😕 How exactly do you spell the sounds of puking??

      1. One sincerely HOPES that when Jack entered eternity, that dog was waiting… though frankly, one sincerely DOUBTS the story was even true. 🙄

        2. HAHAHA.. as great as that mental picture is, I almost wish he would have to come back as one of his predatory son’s potential prey.

        3. Someone with Photoshop skills, please, please, give us a picture of Jack Hyles as a fire hydrant!

          Pretty please?

  10. The most interesting part to me is the use of Ecclesiastes 8:4 – “Where the word of a king is, there is power.”

    Proof-texting for the loss. Wow.

    1. What are you trying to say? That King James didn’t write the Bible himself? I’m shocked. 😆

  11. This card makes me want to run to a Charasmatic, NIV preachin, pants wearing women church.

    I make hand made cards and I would never send out something with artwork this bad, bless the artist’s heart. I guess getting the KJV 1611 part right is more important than having a decent picture/card.

    1. Oh, MY! I was thinking the exact same thing. From an artistic or even just ‘normal person’ point of view… I don’t know where to begin. It kind of reminds me of a card I might have made for a class assignment in fourth or fifth grade. The uneven hand lettering of the text on the front was what got me. I probably couldn’t draw a dog that well, but I could certainly figure out a way to make the words better.

      1. I don’t think the artwork is too bad, though I would definitely fix this up in one of my image editing programs. The lettering I would remove completely and rewrite it, though probably with a different verse or message. Using a better font. 😀

    2. Back in the 70’s I took a Calligraphy class (in my fundy high school) and enjoyed it greatly and did rather well in it. I took it personally when computers came along with all the fancy fonts that could do the lettering so much more perfect than hand lettering ever could. I was also way too critical of my end results. I could never get it perfect enough. This is why I am not an artist. Too much of a perfectionist in me. I would rather use photographs and computers.

      1. I used to do calligraphy, too, and made some spare change doing place cards for weddings, etc. I feel the same way you do about how fonts have killed the art.

        That being said, the hand-drawn calligraphy here is pretty atrocious – uneven spacing, no straight lines, etc. But that’s just a minor flaw in the scheme of things.

    3. Okay, I cannot draw to save my life, and though I love art, am no good at it personally. I am telling you, this artwork sucks. It reflects poorly on the whole fundy world, and they did not need any more help with that… 👿

  12. So these folks say God illumined the heart of King Solomon to prophesy about the coming of the KJV 2,500 years before it was printed? Wow, I wish I didn’t know that.

    Not to nitpick (but it is certainly what they do constantly), but how many kids in Mr. Burton’s Sunday School class in the early 1800s had their own Bible? My guess would be very few. Can you imagine Bible sword fights with those enormous hard-bound things? Those things would give you a concussion.

  13. They let the DOG put its head on their Bible? I’d think that was irreverent. I was taught that the Bible should never be under anything; it should be stacked on TOP of other books or things. I don’t think the artist is a true KJVO. 😕

    1. HAHA! Tammy, I remember that too!!! If you put any other book or anything on top of your Bible it is a sign of disrespect. I hated one year in school, one of my school books was just a tiny bit smaller than my Bible and when I stacked them they didn’t go from largest to smallest. (The Bible was on top of a book smaller than it was.) The OCD in me really wanted to buy a smaller Bible or leave that book out of the stack.

      1. Haha! That would have driven me crazy too – the conflict between biggest to smallest and the primacy of God’s Word. It’s so ingrained in me that I still can’t put another book on top of a Bible.

    2. I knew a pastor who not only wouldn’t allow another book to sit on top of his Bible, he wouldn’t allow his wife’s Bible to sit on top of his Bible.

      Yeah.

        3. Yes, Christopher, of course, and boymom, as much as I love your humor, you may have gone too far. Suggesting that… well, I don’t really know WHAT you were suggesting… 😉

        6. Well, you actually beat me to it, Boymom, but I am saying mine anyway:

          He should let her put her Bible on top of his sometimes. Who knows, he might like it. 😉

      4. Oh for heaven’s sake! Was he so domineering that he actually believed his KJV was superior to her KJV? Weren’t they exactly the same? What a jerk! 👿

    3. That’s one of the funnest things about being IFB: playing the “I’m holier than you” game. And I had the same thought as Tammy: WHY did they allow the dog to have his head on the Bible? They’re dishonoring God’s Holy Word! 😉

    4. Yeah. I still cannot put anything on top of a Bible, and much as I adore my baby girl doggies, there is no way I would allow that.

    5. OK, someone beat me to it. That was the rule at my fundy Christian elementary school, too (nothing on top of Bible). Trouble was that most of my school books were smaller, so the stack fell over in my desk multiple times per day. I’m not very OCD, but I am enough to where I’m surprised I didn’t go postal one day. “Eight-year-old shoots up classroom — film at eleven.”

    1. Why better, of course.
      Nothing says “I love you” like a card sent to say “I hope you get well soon, because if you die now, you’re going STRAIGHT TO THE UNQUENCHABLE FIRES OF HELL!!!”

      I mean, how sweet is that?

  15. So, Darrell, if this was a get-well card sent to you, have you been ill? (or was this a long-ago card?). If you have been, I hope that you ARE feeling better.

    In this day of electronic email and cards, it’s nice to get a real card from someone. I think that if I were to receive such a card (one I didn’t really care for), I’d try to focus on the thoughtfulness/kindness of the sender(s).

    2. I DO appreciate thoughtful gestures, but the message sent by this card seems more one of convenience than truly thinking of the sick friend: “Why bother going to the store for a get-well card when I’ve got this lovely stack of hand-made cards I bought at the last Sword of the Lord conference. I know Mary’s been saved for 28 years, but. . . well, she IS going to that liberal church so it’s a good thing the salvation plan is in there just in case. And the last Christmas card she sent me had a Bible verse from the NIV so I’m going to slip in this little poem about the Bible to make sure she knows it’s only the KJV that God has blessed.”

      It seems that the sender was concerned less with her actual friend and more with presenting herself as a holy person. (My elderly neighbors across the street – we mowed their lawn and went with them to visit the nursing home – always included a Gospel tract in our Christmas card. I NEVER understood why.)

      1. PW, when it comes to handing out tracts, the question is never “Why?” it’s always “Why not?”

  16. Maybe it’s a get well card with a back-up plan salvation insert in case you *don’t* get well?

      1. Now THAT is funny. And yet, it worries me, in that it shows a possible over-exposure to Jim Vineyard and his way of doing things… JK!!!! 🙂

        1. Lol the world has yet to see all the ways Jimmy V deals with those he disagrees with! 😈

  17. “Much prayer has gone into every aspect of it.”

    Seriously?? The Holy Spirit spoke and told them to draw a golden retriever sleeping on a KJV? I highly doubt that. I also doubt that the Holy Spirit gives advice in matters of “how to spiritually manipulate in the guise of sweet Christian concern.”

    1. … Why… what… can you possibly… mean, WAW?

      ….Sincerely,
      William… Shatner

  19. I have always had a HUGE issue with stuff that is marketed to “Christians” under the guise of being “Christian” (example: “Christian artwork, jewelry, greeting cards, etc.) I just feel like they think by slapping a Bible verse on it that Christians will flock in and buy it because of brand loyalty or something like that, completely ignoring the juvenile or cheap quality of the product. I realize that the person who made these cards probably wasn’t looking to become rich or famous, but the fact that she is SELLING them bugs me. It would be different if she just made a card to send to a friend. Then it might even be considered sweet. (In a very passive-aggressive-I-have-what-you-need kind of way of course.) I just can’t believe that ANYONE went on that website, looked at those cards and said, “I need a box of those lovely cards for whenever my friends get sick or have a birthday or something.”

      1. Thomas Kinkaide (or however you spell that guy’s name) actually has a good deal of skill, but chooses to make bad art with it. “Diana” seems to be doing the best she can with very limited artistic endowments (and maybe little or no formal training). So I’m inclined to judge Kincaide (sp.?) more harshly.

    3. I’ll give them a pass on the card, since they’re probably terrified of buying anything worldly and went with the full court press of fundyism. But I so agree with you on the marketing of Christianity, and I hate hate hate the fact that big gaudy crosses have become “fashion”. I get a western wear catalog and it’s pages and pages of crosses on everything, including cowboy boots.

    4. My favorite example of “Christian” marketing is, and probably always will be, Tammy Faye Bakker’s line of “Christian” cosmetics. Whatever you think about wearing makeup, the idea that some cosmetics are more “Christian” than others is, well, unique.

    5. I’ve met this lady and she often donates her cards and a distribution rack to churches where her husband has preached at, so it’s very possible the sender picked up the card for free.

    6. I think another aspect of “Christian” products is that some (fundies, naturally) want to isolate themselves from “the world” as much as they possibly can. (Never mind that Christ teaches–and lived–IN the world, just not OF.) “We are Christians, you can only trust other Christians, we will only buy ‘Christian’ so we can give our money only to Christians.” Hence things like http://www.christianyellowpages.com/. My dad is totally like this.

      Speaking of him, the card is SO something he would do. In fact at most Christmases in recent memory, he has given each of us some “gospel” type item. All but 1 of us identify as Christian (if not in close relationship with Christ–and certainly no longer fundy!). He also gives it to my sister’s boyfriend and his son. I think the bf would say he believes in Christ; the son is still trying to figure out what he believes I think. Anyway, the gospel-type item has been, by turns, a saintly poem (or was it a hymn) printed out on fancy paper, a ‘life’s questions and answers’ booklet (like a tract only bigger), a CD of music by…whatever Ron Hamilton’s company is called. Each of these items is quickly relegated to the trash when he’s not looking.

      I can’t decide if he does it because “that’s just him” (and since he’s dyed-in-the-wool fundy it may well be that) or whether it’s because he thinks we’ve strayed. Either way it’s very sickening, since the hypocrisy is overwhelming. Just hearing the words (and he’s forever saying stuff like this) “I thank the Lord for my blessings”…makes me wanna gag. 👿

  20. The whole dog resting its head on the Bible – I can’t tell you how many time I heard the MOG preach that if you leave your Bible on the coffee table and let it get a ring on it, you’re disrespecting the Word of God. Plus, what does the dog have anything to do with the message of this card. Maybe I’m missing it.

    1. It fits with the verse: Its eyes are open and its a dog, so its under law. Though, technically, since its laying on the Bible, its over the law, but we won’t let facts get in the way of theology.

        3. You know, when I read SFL and my doggies are with me, I find it very calming. When they are not, it can be more stressful. You make an excellent point, Boymom.

  21. Oh my goodness, I was looking in a Christmas magazine for a fundraiser for my sister’s (fundy) school. And in a Christmas card, mind you, was an insert detailing the separation of church in state, with quotes by the founders. Along with a detachable bookmark. What the heck?!

    1. Do they really think that will raise lots of money for their cause??? Whatever happened to chocolate turtles and popcorn? 🙄

  22. What? Is this a “get well card” or a Fundy “Church Service” complete with a hymn and a four point alliterated sermon? (proof text: check…. well sort of)

    Side Note: I LOVE the fact that the artist must insert how spiritual she and her puppy are….just in case the Fundy Consumer had their doubts. 🙄

    1. And there’s fundamentalism for you: always having to “prove” how spiritual you are, striving to be holy.

  23. Is this a ‘get well from a physical sickness’ card, or ‘get well from the illness that’s making you not want to come back to the IFB cause we know you can’t seriously mean that’ sort of card?

  24. You know, I don’t know if that’s actually a dog, it looks kind of like a sea lion resting its flipper on the Good Book. That would actually be more biblical: “Bind up the testimony, seal the law among my disciples.” (Isaiah 8:16)

    “He that hath received his testimony has set to his seal that God is true.” (John 3:33)

    …I’m having too much fun for a Monday morning! 😀

        1. Well, you KNOW, don’t you, that the Song of Solomon is an allegory? Of the love that Christ has for his bride, the church? GAHHH. I will NOT forget the “family devotions” (ALL unpleasant memories there, BTW 👿 ) times when my DAD would be reading one of the, shall we say, more explicit portions of the Song of Solomon 😯 and then intoning that “of course this is a picture of how Christ loves the church.” Years later, I asked my Bible Study prof at the non-fundy school I went to about whether one could “take the liberty” of ‘making’ some Biblical text out to be an allegory when there was nothing in the text to indicate that it was. (Just the fact that I asked that shows how fundy-mindset I still was!) And I’ll also not forget her (yes, her!) reply: “Well, then you’re…taking a liberty.” 💡

    1. Aw, how could anyone stay upset for very long at that face? 🙁
      Of course that’s probably how Denver gets away with it all the time. 😀

  26. For every special occasion except my son’s birthday, we get additions of “prophetic happenings from Israel.” ❓ Apparently, it is necessary for my spiritual growth for me to know what Jewish feast is coming up, what Iran, China, and Russia are doing, and what significance this all plays in the imminent rapture of the church.

    Somtimes, I read it, somtimes it goes straight to file 13.

  27. I remember setting chapel on Wednesday morning eight years old: white shirt, red white & blue tie, quivering, afraid that any move would warrant me being forced to lay on the back pew while my teacher paddled me, the pastor yelling that we shouldnt cry over dead pets animals had no souls any way. I kind of find the card ironic. After 30 plus years I can say this. Pastor you are wrong animals have a soul, however you and your droned minions dont. 😈

    2. I always wonder what is missing from the psyches of people who can’t love animals.

      More to the point, there is widely held to be a high correlation between animal abuse and physical abuse of children, women, and other humans. The teacher who spanks (or worse?) children over trivial infractions comes to mind here.

  29. sorry I got so serious for a minute. I find the art work on the card along the same lines of precious moments figures. Such items for some reason are too cute and illicit a rage response from me :mrgreen:

    1. No problem. While in general we respond with humor to SFL, many of us have found that certain posts trigger flashbacks and result in tears or anger! (And I’m sorry for the scared little boy in chapel being shown a warped picture of God.)

  30. At my parents church, they just buy get well cards from the Christian bookstore in town (probably run by southern baptists). Those cards always have a verse reference at the bottom and before the cards are sent out, someone goes through and crosses out the “NIV” in the reference and writes in “KJV”

  31. Whats with the dogs all of a sudden? In downtown Greenville this weekend, I was plied with TWO tracts about being “always faithful”; the come-on was: “Do ya like dogs?” and there were cuddly dogs on the covers. Not one word about Jesus!

    Yeah, I like dogs, but I don’t like YOU okay? :mrgreen: (no, I didn’t say that; as usual, I was polite and took the dumb crap…)

    1. i NEVER take the tracts in Greenville. . .I don’t even know what they say on them. I always say “no thank you” and keep walking. Although, I did see Mormons passing out tracts a couple months ago. I was tempted to take one, but I didn’t want to get into any conversations, so I didn’t take anything.

  32. Something sketchy about the handwriting (the note, not the calligraphy on the front). I see a little hook in the C in “Cecil” and “can.” Handwriting looks slow and deliberate.

  33. [cue scary music]It’s obligatory to send the gospel with any notes you may bless someone with because you can never be sure if that person is really, really saved, and if you don’t take that opportunity, God will make YOU push that person off the cliff into the Lake of Fire where the worm never dies. Some time you need to get a stethoscope, and put it on the ground to listen to the screams from hell.[end scary music]

    2. Is that a Wendy’s in that drawing?
      And if so, is the artist trying to say that Wendy’s is holy or unholy?
      Or was she/he just hungry when the drawing was made?

      1. I’m less concerned with the Wendy’s than I am with the fact that the little people are preaching to cars. At least they aren’t trying to preach inside the Wendy’s. They would be wearing some ketchup if they did.

    3. “And how shall they hear when they’re passing by at 70mph with their windows rolled up?”

    4. But they have a card on their site with a girl in bib over-alls. All of the sudden I am double minded and very unstable…I better go sit down.

  35. “Open my eyes, that I may behold wonderous things out of thy law.”

    This is obviously from a calvinist Bible, probably an ESV or RSV. God’s Authorized Word would have said “I am opening my own eyes by my own free will, dammit, and will behold the old paths at my whim.”

  36. Pretty sure the picture of the dog resting on the KJV was intended to be cute; but how did that not get flagged for being “disrespectful to the Bible {specifically King James}” or something before getting published? 😕

    1. If it was just the dog, a verse and a note to get well soon… that’s one thing. But this a full on, passive-agressive presentation full of sentimental-emotionalism designed to be some sort of Gospel Tract greeting card. When you use sappy sentimentality with cheesy/shallow theology then it goes from “nice” to manipulative.

    2. Are some people so wrapped up in their ‘version’ that they can’t send a ‘Get Well Soon’ card without a 4 point alliterated sermon?

    4. But this isn’t sentimental and nice. This is crass and manipulative. It’s also thoughtless. Using a tract about death as a get-well card? Not to mention assuming that somebody who is sick enough to need a get-well card gives a crap about which Bible you think is best? Classic fundamentalist failure to love.

      For lurking fundamentalists, here is how you send somebody a get-well message without giving money to a greeting card company you consider to be Godless: Take an ordinary piece of paper and an envelope. Write the date in the top right corner of the sheet of paper. Skip about half an inch and on the left side write, “Dear [recipient’s name here],” then skip down a bit and write, “We heard you weren’t feeling well. I hope you feel better soon. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.” If you feel moved to do so, add, “We will pray for you.”* Skip down a short way and write “Sincerely,” “With love,” or something like that on the right half of the paper, and below that sign your name(s). Fold the paper, put it in the envelope, address, stamp, and mail.

      This is called a “letter.”

      *STOP RIGHT THERE. If you expect somebody who is sick enough to need a get-well note to wade through a tract or a bunch of Bible verses, put your pen down and go for a walk until the fresh air blows some sense into your head!

      2. I’m tempted to clip out Jenny I’s instructions and mail them to some people I know.

    3. Aw, but she’s a country girl! You wouldn’t want her to muss up that purty church dress of hers while rakin’ the chicken coop, would ya? 😉

  39. I’d hate this card to be seen in a culture where dogs are considered unclean. They would think we had no respect at all for our holy book.
    Personally I find it much harder to read the Bible with a dog sprawling on top of it.

    1. That reminds me of my brother’s answer to “Where do you stand on the King James Bible?”

      “I don’t. I have too much respect to stand on any translation of God’s Word.”

  40. There was a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek book published back in the ’70s entitled “Games Christians Play.” I can’t remember the author’s name, but it was published by Revell. There was a whole chapter in it devoted to How To Write a Christian Letter, which included advice on buying Christian stationery and greeting cards. Cute pictures of puppies and kitties were de rigueur, and the more nauseatingly florid the language, the better. Highly recommended.

  41. Someone extends some kindness to you in their own way, and this is how you treat it? That sure says a lot about you.

    1. Dear Drive-By Possible Troll:

      This is kind in the same way that explaining to a depressed person that he needs to snap out of it or he’s going to the mental ward is kind.

      This is kind in the same way that telling somebody juggling three children and a WIC check in a long line at the grocery store that she really should have a job is kind.

      This is kind in the same way that petting a lost dog and then telling it to go home is kind.

      Can you seriously imagine being so sick that people are sending you get-well cards and–in the midst of your pain, fever, worry over tasks undone, and so on–being happy to get this antifreeze-flavored glurge?

  42. Ha! I thought these looked familiar–they are sold at the campus bookstore at PCC, my alma mater. Pensacola certainly seem to be afflicted with more than its fair share of dealers; I’m now wondering what it is about the Florida panhandle that makes people highly susceptible to bad artwork.

    http://www.kjvscripturegreetings.com/links.php

  43. “I, Yellow Dog, do hereby swear, to bark the truth, bark the whole truth, and bark nothing but the truth so help me Attic Dog.”

    I was inspired by that picture actually. 😎

      1. “I. Yellow Dog swear to bite with the Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing but the Tooth”

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