Darrell,
First of all, let me apologize for my lack of posting comments for a couple of months there. I had an unfortunate incident at the church gathering during the sack race portion. It turns out that having a servant’s heart and pairing up with the young girl from youth group who just got out of rehab and is starting her new life was not the wisest thing to do. It appears she has much to conquer in her weakness for competitiveness and non-‘meek & quiet’ methods of participating in games. I noticed nobody picked her, but I wasn’t aware that it was because she kept muttering “I’m gonna win this or die trying” over and over. Uriah told me he heard her but didn’t think anything of it. So, I didn’t want her to feel left out and showed her the love of Jesus by suggesting we be partnered for the race. I don’t remember much after “Go”, but people tell me that I didn’t say anything after I fell and her Doc Marten made contact with my right forearm. I always faint at the hint of too much pain. She made it across the finish line with me scrunched up in the bag. I am thankful that I am always modest and that my long denim skirt prevented any showing of my slip when I fell. That would have been very embarrassing. I wound up breaking both arms and getting pins in them. I have never taken pain medicine, but I did for several weeks. I am thankful for the experience of percocet, but am also thankful that God did not allow me to become addicted. He truly does not allow temptation beyond what we are able to bear!!!
So, that’s what’s been going on with that. I couldn’t write the full details because my arms were in casts for so long. I had physical therapy with a lady who called herself Max. She said it was short for Max. She was funny. She kept referring to her husband (Terry) as her “partner”. It sounded very New Age and and her hair was very short. But, I didn’t say anything because the last time Mr. Beverly made a comment to a lady at church about her hair being too short, she retorted that it was because she had just lost all her hair to cancer and it was growing back. He told her that she should wear wig in the meantime. I don’t really agree with that and that lady didn’t come back to our church.
So, I got engaged to Titus at Easter!! He proposed to me after taking me out for dinner at the Golden Corral, where he treated me to a steak dinner. It was wonderful and I almost ate too many yeast rolls! After our soft-serve ice cream dessert, he got down on one knee and said, “I have prayed for a Proverbs 31 woman for a long time. I think you are the epitome of godly womanhood and you are so beautiful it makes my heart hurt. Will you marry me?” I was so happy, I cried! Our wedding is in December, since the church will already be decorated and he has time after he graduates and before he starts his new job as associate pastor at a church. The church is rather large and the pastor is a direct descendent of one of the founders of the university! It’s like working with royalty. We are humbled to serve.
I was listening to some old cassettes of Elisabeth Eliot the other day. It was a Q&A session after a conference in New England. I don’t typically listen to her, because I don’t know if she is a fundamentalist or not, but she was hitting homeruns all through this tape. One girl asked her about submission in marriage starting in a dating/engagement relationship. The girl asked how to submit to her fiance. Elisabeth said, “You don’t.” I was floored. I had to stop the tape because I was very confused. Anyway, I put that behind me and began to think of ways to practice submitting to Titus in marriage. We pretty much agree on everything and he’s very wise for his age (he is a preacher boy, after all). I call this Preparing for Marriage. My youth leader’s wife cautioned us about spending so much time preparing for the wedding that we don’t get ready for the marriage. So, I’m trying to suppress all my excitement for the wedding preparations and channel that into focusing on running through scenarios in my mind about how to serve my husband best in my marriage. Listening to past years of “The Joyful Woman Jubilee” has been very helpful.
I liked this quote:
“Sometimes this isn’t possible or even right. A man’s life has a different nature than a woman’s. His is a leadership role. He also may play an important role in civic, religious, or social affairs. A woman’s role is supportive, and she is to be her husband’s helper, confidant, counselor if need be, friend and one of his greatest allies. Failure to place him in the number one position is often the reason a man turns to another woman. Women with less than good scruples are more than willing to make your man feel important, appreciated and admired.” ~Helen Andelin
Since I broke both my arms, I have not been able to write letters to Titus like he preferred. So, we have used a new program Uriah has been using called “Skype”. It has been wonderful to have real conversations since that is very difficult to do via written word. He tries out sermon illustrations or jokes for me and I tell him how good they are. I show him the dresses and skirts I’ve sewn or the gifts I’ve crafted (saving money!!) and he tells me they are wonderful.
We are chugging along here. We made it through our Patriotic Service at church. Nothing caught fire this year because Mr. Malone did not bring sparklers inside to use during “God Bless America” like he did last year. Mrs. Sandusky sang her usual solo of “Lady Liberty” in her Statue of Liberty costume. I don’t know how she holds her arm up that long. We are preparing for our end of summer Friend Day. We have two teams who will compete (Cowboys and Ranchers) and the winner gets a whole collection of Concordances. I am preparing a drama team to do a skit where the bad guy gets saved right after he gets shot and we all sing as he goes to heaven.
Thanks for letting me catch you up.
In Modest Apparel,
CampMeetingGirl
Nope, I have no life. Why?
Second? Holla!
“The church is rather large and the pastor is a direct descendent of one of the founders of the university! It’s like working with royalty. We are humbled to serve.”
This is just marvelous satire. If I had a dime for every arrogant ba$tard who announced to the church that they were “humbled to serve” (present company excluded). . . well, I’d be able to pay for CMG’s wedding decorations.
I heart CMG!
So good to hear from you, CMG. I do wish there was a youtube video of Mrs. Sandusky as Lady Liberty. 😉
I giggled over most of your note, but am concerned over this: “I’m trying to suppress all my excitement for the wedding preparations.” It is Biblical to rejoice in preparing for your wedding, in the wedding itself, and with your husband in your marriage. While wisdom and planning are good, they do not need to replace genuine joy in your heart.
No, PW. Logic won’t work here.
CMG!!! What a blessing to hear from you!! It sounds like God has been using you greatly to be a witness to those around you in physical therapy!! =) Isn’t it a blessing to think that God could use even a poor juvenile girl to bring you to be a shining light to others? =) It’s a privilege to serve God – I am reminded of Abraham who was willing to sacrifice his first and only son! Arms are nothing compared to that. =) I am sure that Max was VERY encouraged to see such a godly young lady doing physical therapy exercises in long skirts and not those awful, tight-fitting, form-revealing exercise clothes the world wears. (But I hope you didn’t do any water physical therapy, as mixed bathing would not be pleasing to God and would ruin your testimony!!!)
And of course, how could I forget, congratulations on your engagement!!! =) =) =) What an honor to be engaged on Resurrection Sunday. Every year, you’ll be reminded on your engagement anniversary that Jesus is coming soon and you should be ready when He comes. =D This is a very exciting time for you, but your youth leader’s wife is very wise to tell you not to make the wedding preparation an idol! I know that no one likes to talk about this, but the Christian divorce rate is just as high as out in the world. =( And that’s because godly Christian women make the mistake early on of putting wedding preparation first instead of God and their future husbands, like the heathen do. =( I knew a girl who did this, and when she finally got married, she didn’t know how to submit to her husband and caused much discord and strife in the home. She’s divorced and homeless and living on welfare and no longer living for the Lord. But continue steadfastly to be sober, meek, and submissive as the weaker vessel and God will surely bless your marriage!!! =)
Also, one more thing – isn’t Skype a blessing?? It is much easier to flee youthful lusts when the person isn’t really there, amen!! But I must warn you, the devil is very subtle these days. Sometimes strangers will find you on Skype and will IM you asking for filthy and pornographic things. Satan’s minions are everywhere! Be sober, be vigilant, and give no place to the devil!! I’m glad your engagement will be short so that you won’t have to be in danger on Skype so much.
Well, I hope you have a great summer! We love you very much, so please keep us informed of your daily Bible readings, minutes spent in prayer each day, and number of souls saved each week, so that we can keep you accountable to your pastor. =)
Love in Christ,
Senda
Oooo, Senda! You captured the tone PERFECTLY!! (Isn’t it scary how EASY it is to mimic IFB extremism?)
It is scary how real this post sounds
My own writing from months ago is triggering twitches 😯
CMG,
In Preparation for your up coming wedding perhaps you should spend some time reviewing last weeks posts in detail. I believe you will make a fine fundamentalist Pastor’s wife and you will be the number-one worshipper of your husband in public. We will likely be able to tell the number of times you allow him to know you by the number of kids you bear him. There will be joy in Titusville over those yearly attempts until you begin the next round of morning sickness. You will be able to be content knowing you have performed your duty satisfactorily achieving the intended results, and producing the fruits of that unsavory but necessary labor.
Titus has no idea what a blessing you are going to be around his neck. Your union is sure to be the model for all the youth of your church to emulate. I can imagine the influence you will be on the young ladies of the church. Yes, I can imagine that.
Dear CMG,
I know all of us here have been wondering where you were, praying for you and hoping that you were OK. I’m glad you just have a couple of broken arms nd that nothing serious has happened, like you becoming a New Evangelical or a Wiccan or something like that.
Speaking of New Evangelicals, Elizabeth Elliott is NOT a fundamentalist. But she does have a lot of good things to say about obeying your husband. Her remark about not obeying your fiance was made in jest–of course you should submit to him! Women are supposed to submit to men in general, and certainly your fiance deserves the same respect and obedience he will get as your husband. What a wonderful engagement gift to give him, the gift of your willing submission.
Finally, now that you are engaged, you need to be very careful with your testimony and not give any appearance of evil. If you use Skype, make sure that you and Titus both have access to the same account. It would be a good idea if you start to use the same email address, too. Satan’s temptations are everywhere, but your fiance/husband will help you to overcome them!
CMG, the Lawd brought me to SFL while you were gone, and I can’t wait until you are back and a regular poster again. Blessings to you on your upcoming marriage.
“Mrs. Sandusky sang her usual solo of “Lady Liberty” in her Statue of Liberty costume” reminds me of Eulalie Mackecknie Shinn — the mayor’s wife in The Music Man
LOL @ not being sure whether Elisabeth Eliot was a fundamentalist or not. I remember back in my BJU days, wondering if certain authors were acceptable or not, especially if they dated back to before the fundamentalist/evangelical split (1957, according to BJU). 🙂
Congratulations CMG! Can’t wait until the wedding in December!
Perhaps you could do a re-enactment of Luke 2 at your wedding with a live nativity scene. That would be such a blessing!!
Does this mean the ask CMG column is back? I have some pressing questions to ask her. As well as some ironing questions.
Dear CMG, I’m very concerned as to the nature of this “proposal” you speak of. There is no mention of Titus asking permission from your father for you two to be betrothed. Also, don’t forget that a marriage is for your family. Only selfish people think a marriage has something to do with the couple exchanging vows. I say this because there is no mention of your family being present at the Golden Corral for this joyous engagement. Also please remember, when taking your engagement photos, make sure to not pose while touching your fiance in any way! So many Christians let the world infiltrate their Godly lives in this way and we all know it is not good for a man to touch a woman! Your high standards will wave a banner of righteousness! (Let me know if you can’t find a Godly photographer that will work with this request. I have a Nikon around here somewhere and would be happy to help keep you away from this temptation by snapping the pictures myself!)
May God bless your union with a child nine months after your vows.
Your sister in Christ,
MKXcomm 😯
I have known several fundy couples who were blessed with a full term baby 7.5-8 months after their wedding.
Well, now, Apathetic, God is in the business of doing miracles.
😉
It was a saying where I grew up: The first baby can come any time, but the second one always takes nine months.
There was also mention of 9 lb “preemies”.
That seems to happen a lot in Pentecostaland, too. It’s amazing how many young couples (and their parents who defend them) think that the rest of us can’t do the complicated mathematical operation called “subtraction.”
Don’t you know that the human gestational period is often up to 2 months shorter for first babies? Thousands of fundy marriages have proved this fact of science, just as certainly as we know what Noah wore on the Ark.
Be careful of saying that a full term baby can’t happen in 8 months! My son was born at 8 months – really, a full month before he was due – and he was 6 pounds, 5 ounces. Indistinguishable from a full term baby. Also, a lady in TX just gave birth to a 16 pounder! Wonder how much he weighed at 7.5 to 8 months?
I’m deeply concerned as you appear to be settling for God’s permissive will in your life. I know that God’s perfect will would have been for you to marry my son, Stephen. He was named after a martyr. Titus was named after an immature preacher who needed advice in order to lead his congregation. You appear to have been lead astray by the blinding lights of Golden Corral..a sinful place that is open on Sunday! If Titus was really God’s man for you, he would have proposed at Chick-fil-A!
Any good fundamentalist knows CFA isn’t open on Sundays! And in order for their union to be most holy and blessed, Titus had to propose on a Sunday. The only way he could have done better would have been to propose after the 14th verse of “Just As I Am.” 😆
Well, now I know what I will be doing for the rest of my day. Fending off the title song in my head. :p
Yep, same here.
Congratulations, CMG!! You must have shewn yourself to be a true Lady in Waiting for God to have so richly rewarded you. I look forward to hearing about your wedding, which I trust will be TRULY Christ-centered. The more of the ceremony lifted directly from Scripture, the better. And, please, oh please, at the part where the pastor says “You may now kiss the bride,” have him announce to the whole congregation that this will be Titus’ and your first kiss ever. There’s something so heartwarmingly pure about hundreds of relatives, friends, and casual acquaintances staring as two young people experience their first kisses.
CMG, To truly have a blessed honeymoon in the trailer behind your parents house may I give you a couple of suggestions. Have your facial hair removed and get a good bikini waxing, this will truly give you a happy marriage.
No! No! No! How could you even suggest the bikini area to be seen by anyone else than Titus. And before the wedding. Shame!
If it were a female doing the waxing, it probably is okay – as long as it’s not Max! 😆
Ow!
“Nothing caught fire this year ”
I wish I could say that I’ve never seen this happen during a fireworks display at a church.
I can’t.
I also wish that I could say I wasn’t responsible, but I’m a lousy liar.
This happened during a wedding at my church while growing up. The candle lighting ceremony took on a life of its own, and it *almost* lasted longer than the marriage. 🙁
Camp Meeting Girl, HOW COULD YOU??????? 😯 How could you so boldly disregard the good and perfect will of Godly Authority? I know it is God’s will for you to marry me because my Pastor told me I should date, I mean court, you. 🙁 Must I remind you of The Three Bibical Laws Regarding Godly Authority?
1. Godly Authority must never be questioned (Hebrews 13:17)
2. God gives Godly Authority special revelation regarding your personal life (Hebrews 13:17)
3. Even if Godly Authority is wrong God will bless you if you obey….and curse you of you don’t! (Hebrews 13:17)
Therefore, even if it is God’s will for you to marry Titus it is not God’s will for you to marry Titus because Godly Authority does not want you to marry Titus so you must repent of following God’s will to marry Titus and submit to God’s will of obeying Godly Authority without question because if God says one thing and Godly Authority says another you must ALWAYS OBEY GODLY AUTHORITY EVERY SINGLE TIME! REBELLION IS AS THE SIN OF WITCHCRAFT!
However, if you do marry Titus we could just have an affair. After all, it worked for Jack Hyles.
Winning! Hay-men?
That third paragraph made my head hurt. 🙄
A pox on you Darrell! That cursed song has been running through my head all morning! 👿 👿 👿
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMfrLFirGWc
CMG, please allow me to offer you my heartfelt and enthusiastic congratulations to you and your betrothed! I am sure that you will be a wonderful helpmeet to this awesome man of God.
However, I must admit that there is one thing about all of this that concerns me, and that is the length of your engagement. The time between Easter and December is over half a year, and I wonder how either one of you expects to keep from falling prey to your sinful desires before the wedding for so long. Isn’t an engagement that is longer than three months unusual for fundamentalist baptists? Do your parents and your pastor approve of such a long engagement?
I’ll be sure to pray to God that he can keep you and your fiance pure until your wedding day, especially under such difficult circumstances as you have created for yourself.
Elizabeth Elliot is a good woman but she has gone astray. Her own brother became a Catholic and she refuses to shun him. I thought you should know.
Let’s not forget that Elisabeth Elliot has been married a whopping THREE times. Sure, because each of her husbands died but, you’d think she’d want to abstain from all appearance of evil.
Tee hee hee. 😀
In many of her books, she also quotes from the Phillips NT. As a teenager, I was concerned because she seemed so committed to Jesus but she didn’t read the KJV (which according to my parents was the ONLY correct Bible).
(And I’m not being satirical. I truly was concerned about this because there’s no way anyone could convince me that she wasn’t a godly woman, yet here she was violating one of the main tenents of my church’s belief.)
Camp Meeting Girl! I’ve missed you so much! Congratulations on your engagement!
Hmmm, I’ve seen Elisabeth Elliot’s name spelled wrong a couple of times in this comment stream. She’s one of the few Elisabeths who’s name is spelled correctly, the way Elisabeth should be spelled, with an “s”. (BTW, Beth is short for Elisabeth, with an “s”.)
I avoided her actual name because I couldn’t remember either the S or Z or one or two L’s in her last name and didn’t want to take the time to look it up.
BTW, I prefer the name spelled with an “s” too!
Hey, is this campmeeting-girl for real or is she/it/they a product of satire?
I’m hoping for satire!
While the jury’s still out on CMG’s true identity (as far as I know), the writing’s definitely satire.
Miss CMG : Can I buy your left over Percocet? You could use the money to tithe and buy your new husband his wedding ring. Skype Me
Welcome back CMG!!! You are the funniest thing on here, IMHO.
😆
Not the only funny thing…just the funniest.