114 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Package Labeling”

    1. Warning: If Bitter, Angry and Pharisaical people read this it may cause you to fall on your knees and cry out to a Holy, Righteous and Forgiving God to forgive you (Darrell beware it may happen to you).

      2. For What, Don?

        For reading the Chick tract in the first place, that’s what you should “fall down on your knees and cry out” for.

        B.R.O.

    1. Oh well, almost.

      WARNING: The Surgeon General has declared that not reading a Chick tract may send you to the smoking section of Eternity.

      1. Oh, wait! Was this from JTC ‘s point of view or a scared kid worried about his thoughts shown up on the heavenly Jumbotron?

  5. WARNING: The Surgeon General warns that if you do NOT read this tract, you will, in fact, actually become just like the Satanic witch depicted therein.

  6. This pamphlet distorts the Bible, misinterprets the traditional understanding of Christianity & will leave you vulnerable for manipulation & brainwashing.

  8. I guess there are two ways to view the warning. One warning like the cigarette boxes against usage:

    Warning: Reading such tracts can result in feelings of condemnation and judgment. Loss of faith has also been reported in clinical tests. Fits of laughter can be a minor side effect.

    One from the tract creators point of view:

    Warning: Not reading this tract will result in hellish death scenes and eternity with cackling demons.

  10. WARNING: The Holy Spirit General has determined that Chick Tracts are not a save substitute for actual Biblical Doctrine and may be hazardous to one’s spiritual health. Babes in Christ should not attempt to use any Cartoon Tracts to establish their theology. Dispensationalism has been known to cause cancer in the Body of Christ.

      1. Wow, they really have a lot of poultry breeds, from Buff Orpingtons to Black Swans to … Sacred Ibis? 😯

        1. It is the most fowl company.

          Picking up a package of live chicks at the Post Office is always a bit amusing.

        2. Lots and lots of people where I live keep chickens, and in the springtime, the Post Office often echoes with incessant peeping.

          Once, I was in line at the P.O. when there were some roosters in a crate in the work area. Unsurprisingly, they were crowing nonstop, and one of the postal clerks was frantically trying to get the addressee on the phone to come pick up the package to get that racket out of the building.

          Some old loophole in the postal regs lets people send live chickens through the U.S. mail.
          Apparently it was also briefly legal (sort of) to mail children back in 1913-14:

          http://postalmuseumblog.si.edu/2013/02/very-special-deliveries.html

          http://www.snopes.com/photos/people/mailingchildren.asp

        3. B.G.- Once when we had ordered a few dozen chicks from the aforementioned company, My wife went to pick them up.

          Mrs. W- “I’m here to pick up some chicks.”

          Postal employee (city dweller) “Ummmm, how will I recognize the package?”

          Mrs. “Look for the box saying ‘peep peep peep.”

          Postal, returning looking embarrassed “I should have known that.”

  12. Warning – This tract may cause a false sense of salvation if you do not follow up by attending a Fundamental Bible-Believing Baptist Church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, and whenever the doors are open, along with tithing and having at least two ministries, one preferably bus.

    1. That describes a former church (except they didn’t use Chick tracts, probably because they weren’t written by Jack Hyles or Bob Gray, Sr (TX).)

  15. There is no controlled clinical data on the safety or efficacy of Chick Tracts; if to be read, this should be done with caution. Groups especially at risk are:

    • Readers who have suffered a hit-and-run soul winning experience within the last 6 months;
    • Readers prone to bouts of religious guilt
    • Readers with compulsive personality types;
    • Readers with low discernment;
    • Readers who are prone to easy belief in what they read or hear.

    Prolonged religious sermons greater than 4 hours and IFBism (painful soul winning attempts greater than 6 hours in duration) have been reported frequently since market approval of Chick Tracts. In the event of a sermon that persists longer than 4 hours, the Reader should seek the nearest exit immediately. If IFBism is not treated immediately, potential soul damage and permanent guilt could result.

  16. Warning: your gerbils will die if you give them Chick tracts for nesting material.

  17. Warning: Jack Chick is responsible for the content of this tract. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the views of God the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, and no deity or angelic agent thereof has authorized its content.

    1. Side effects may include, nausea, profuse sweating, diarrhea, dry mouth, male pattern baldness, hot flashes, mood swings, joint pain, incontinence, painful urination, uncontrollable flatulence, memory loss, thoughts of suicide, excessive alcohol consumption, and erotic thoughts of Black, Calf-skin leather codpiece wearing, 17th century Monarchs. 😯

        1. Did you have erotic thoughts of black calfskin leather codpiece wearing 17th century monarchs? 😯

  22. Just to show how little I knew about this, I thought that these were tracts directed towards Women’s ministry. Having read up on Wikipedia, I’m glad I never had a chance to read one. 😳

  23. Indulging in religious paranoia will greatly increase risks to your mental health. Even second-hand fear can have serious adverse effects on those around you.

  24. Warning: This tract will make you twofold more the child of hell than the person who handed it to you. (Matt. 23:15 KJV.)

    1. DS, if this were the case, multiple uses of the same tract could result in exponential damnation. This of course would be no laughing matter. At any rate, many of these comments are very clever and you yourself obviously have a lot of talent when it comes to writing.

      That said, I’m going to take what looks to be the extreme minority position here and state that, in my opinion, at least some of what Jack T. Chick produces actually can be used to spread the gospel.
      His material really does contain scripture, at least some of that scripture is in correct context, and the comic book format could expose some scriptural truths to some who would not normally be inclined to read a Bible or attend a church service.

      I wasn’t saved as a direct result of reading Mr. Chick’s tracts, but I did have some exposure to his material before trusting Christ and God used the scripture contained in that material to work on my heart. In particular, after making my last confession, I walked away from the priest feeling a tremendous heaviness. After walking over to the USO, I came across something published by Chick, and started looking up the verses in the Gideon New Testament I had been given. While looking up one of the verses in Hebrews chapter 10, I came across the verse that said, “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Some here know what it feels like to see one’s self as a “sinner in the hands of an angry God.” To those who haven’t had that experience, it’s really not possible to explain what it’s like.

      To make a long story short, I went out behind the USO, fell on my face, and told God that if there were any way to keep me out of Hell, if He would show me what it was, I would do it. Bottom line, God did show me, and about a month later I trusted Christ at a prayer meeting in the home of a senior enlisted man.

      Anyway, here’s my warning:

      Warning: Chick tracts are not a substitute for a balanced spiritual diet. If you experience symptoms of irrational fear, paranoia, or unbiblical doctrine, DISCONTINUE USE IMMEDIATELY AND CONTACT THE GREAT PHYSICIAN!

      1. Jack Chick does very occasionally get some things right – in pretty much the same ways as an old fashioned broken clock can tell the correct time twice a day….

      2. On the most important issue related to us sinners on how one can be saved, Chick is blatantly unbiblical:

        in his booklet “This was your life” the sinner asks what must I do to be saved? Chick writes “Repent, surrender your life to Christ”.

        What is the Bible’s answer to what must I do to be saved? Acts 16:31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

        At the end of the tract he formerly had written that there are 4 steps to be saved and repent was defined as forsake your sins and turn from your sins. Now it is “be willing to turn from your sins”. Maybe he will get it right and understand that the only requirement to be saved and have eternal life is to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ

    1. WARNING: When you consume Chick tracts you inhale/ingest Chickotine, a hallucinogenic drug commonly found in American Christian Fundamentalism. In a short time you may find it difficult to control how much you inhale/ingest, or to quit. Many people don’t realize they have been conditioned to be unable to thrive without at least 3 weekly doses of Chickotine until they attempt to reduce or eliminate their dosage. Be Aware, even people who have inhaled or ingested Chickotine since the cradle can quit. If you need assitance, call the religious poison control hotline, contact your Medical Doctor or a licensed therapist experienced in Chickotine withdrawal, or visit http://www.stufffundieslike.com for more information and assistance

  27. Warning: this booklet contains elements which have been found to cause mild psychosis and moderate to severe disdain for all things Catholic in the state of California. Surprised? We certainly weren’t. Surprise is also regulated in the state of California due to links to cancer.

  28. Warning: prolonged exposure to this booklet may cause rectal-cranial inversion; if left untreated, rectal-cranial inversion can cause a crappy outlook on life. If you experience signs of rectal-cranial inversion, seek help immediately.

  29. Of course, let’s just pretend that such warnings really were required. That would lead to Jackie making a tract called:

    SURGEON OF DEATH

    Panel 1: “America: 2014. A Muslim occupies the White House.” (Image: Obama wearing a turban and bowing down on the oval office rug while a chubby imam rubs his hands in glee. In the corner, Bo, the Obama dog is terrorizing the White House thanksgiving-pardoned turkey. An asterisk next to Obama points to a footnote referencing an article on fox news that shows the picture of Obama wearing the turban when he was in Kenya.)

    Panel 2: Imam says to Obama: “It’s time.” Panel expands to show Michelle Obama and the two daughters wrapped in burquas and sitting on the couch. Michelle has very evil looking eyebrows, of course.

    Panel 3: Obama picks up the phone and says, “Dr. Lushniak, its time we stopped those Christians from spreading their false message of hate and intolerance.”

    Panel 4: Surgeon General’s Office. Symbol on the wall replaces the Great Seal of the United States with a skull and crossbones. On the wall is a chart reading ABORTIONS with a bunch of hatch marks and a smiley face. On the desk is a bottle with XXX on it. The Surgeon General (depicted in full Masonic regalia) is sipping from a martini glass while the stub of a cigar burns in a ashtray on the desk. Surgeon General: “Yes, Grand Master.”

    Panel 5: Surgeon General, now wearing a black pointed hood, stands in a witches’ circle around a pentagram festooned with a skull and some candles. “Oh Satan,” they all say, “Please reward us for stopping these Christians from handing out their tracts.”

    Panel 6: FLASHBACK! Show a bunch of medieval Catholic priests burning a wide-eyed little waif at the stake who is praying, “Father forgive them!” Several priests are throwing Bibles into the flames. Footnote: “The Catholic church burned more Bibles in the last decade than they have burned in the entire history of the Church!”

    Panel 7: Satan on his throne in Hell. Tells some minions: “Go to our faithful servant, the Surgeon General, and tell him that he must stop putting his warnings on tobacco products and instead must put them on tracts!”

    Panel 8: Shows the founding fathers gathered in a Masonic Lodge. George Washington (in drag queen style makeup) says: “. . . and after liberal elitism has triumphed in our nation’s universities then we shall place labels on tobacco products to make the masses more comfortable seeing them.”

    Panel 9: Continue Masonic Lodge scene. A spectral demon says, “yes, faithful servant Washington. And then, you must transfer these labels to tracts!!” George bows his head in submission to the infernal will of Satan. Footnote reads: “George Washington was a southern planter who grew tobacco! The founding fathers knew that by getting people hooked on sin, they would be able to intrude the words of the government into peoples’ homes!!”

    Panel 10: Shows the tract printing press. A man stands with his head bowed holding a paper that says: “Notice. Include these labels on all tracts.” Several boxes stand nearby branded with stars of Baphomet, skulls and crossbones, and XXX.

    Panel 11: The nice Christian tract printer is on the phone. “Mr. Gibbs, please help us!”

    Panel 12-13 (two-page spread): United States Supreme Court. All the justices sit in the shadows. More drag-queen-style makeup. For some unexplained reason, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is seated in the Chief Justice’s chair. An asterisk next to her head points to a footnote reading: “6 of the 9 Supreme Court justices are Catholic!! Two are Jews!!” The poor little Christian tract printer stands boldly before the godless throng of justices. David Gibbs (the part that fits in the frame) stands next to him clutching a book that says: “THE LAW OF GOD. KVJ 1611.” Tract Printer’s family waits anxiously in the gallery.

    Panel 14: Justice Ginsburg pronounces her sentence: “Because you have defied the powers of darkness and refused to warn people of your evil teachings, I hereby sentence you to prison!!”

    Panel 15: Shows the Innocent Christian being murdered in prison by tattooed thugs who say “HIC” a lot. Two birds fight in the air overhead.

    Panel 16: Shows a tombstone reading: “RIP. Faithful believer in Christ.” The outline of a body floats up into the sky where Christ’s hand is reaching out from a cloud to welcome the saint home to heaven.

    Panel 17: The Track Printer’s family visits the tombstone and leaves a box of tracts.

    Panel 18: A Catholic funeral is being held at a grave nearby. A child sees the box of tracts and picks it up.

    Panel 19: The Catholic priests kisses her lesbian lover and then grabs the box of tracts out of the child’s hand: “Don’t touch those! Those are dangerous!!” Footnote at the bottom: “Be careful Catholic Witches! This little boy has something in his pocket that you don’t know about.”

    Panel 20: Little boy alone in his room, reading “This Was Your Life.” Sees the Surgeon General’s warning on the back of the tract. Says: “Wow. If they did not want me to read this, then it must be true.”

    Panel 21: Little boy prays the sinner’s prayer.

    5. YOU WIN ALL THE INTERNETS, EVER!!!! 😛 😛 😛

      Bonus points for starting the madness out slowly (I could actually see a Chick tract creating the scenes exactly as you described.)

    6. I thought it was certain Fundamental Baptists burning Bibles (all but the KJV), not Catholics. Did you ever see the You Tube of Steven Anderson and the people of his church burning Bibles on his bbq grill at his home? Seemed to me they were having WAY too much fun doing it!

  31. Warning: This pamphlet is not intended to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any diseases, whether physical, mental, and/or spiritual, real or implied.

    FOR SPIRITUAL BDSM ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY

    1. Sorry about the double post. But then again, the warning needs repeating…. 😛

  34. If Chick tracts write their own warning:


    WARNING: This tract contains undiluted truth. May cause hissy fits in liberals and modernists.

  35. Darrell should host a three day event called Chick-Con, where the attendees dress up in costumes based on their favorite JTC characters.

  37. WARNING: There is no such thing as a “good” Chick tract – not even “One Way.”

  38. Warning: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

    1. Warning: In order to use J.T.C. characters as your own sermon illustrations you must open your story with “I knew this pastor who….”

  39. Warning: Do not consume more than (6)six J.T.C. Tracts in a 24 hour period.

    May cause uncontrollable urges to crawl to an Altar to make another rededication decision about getting your life fright again.

    2. Contact your local honorary Doctor for dosing instructions for children under the age of 2

  42. Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Chick Tracks.

    Caution: Chick Tracks may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

    Chick Tracks contain a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

    Do not use Chick Tracks on concrete.

    Discontinue use of Chick Tracks if any of the following occurs:

    -Itching
    -Vertigo
    -Dizziness
    -Tingling in extremities
    -Loss of balance or coordination
    -Slurred speech
    -Temporary blindness
    -Profuse sweating
    -Heart palpitations

    If Chick Tracks begin to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

    Chick Tracks may stick to certain types of skin.

    When not in use, a Chick Track should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration…

    Failure to do so relieves the makers of Chick Tracks, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

    Ingredients of Chick Tracks include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

    Chick Tracks have been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

    Do not taunt Chick Tracks.

    Chick Tracks comes with a lifetime guarantee.
    “Accept no substitutes!!”

  43. WARNING: Parents should be aware that the contents of this tract will probably haunt the dreams of your children, especially if you sheltered them from death, horror, and the occult in every other media.

  44. CAUTION: Do not read without a sense of humour.

    If you find your sense of humour is insufficient to neutralise the toxic effect of Chick Tracks, drunkenness is an acceptable substitute.

  46. Warning: “Big Bad Bob” is really Big and Bad. If you hand this tract to him he will knife you.

  47. WARNING: May produce closed mindedness, bigotry, and general hatred for any person who does not believe the exact same way.

  48. WARNING: This Chick tract may cause you to give all your money to a corrupt, greedy pastor.

    Chick tracts not recommended for Catholics, liberals, homosexuals, feminists, environmentalists, or anyone with a conscience or open mind.

  50. Reading this tract can cause significant psychological issues, including excessive guilt, paranoia, and may result in generally becoming a judgmental ass.

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