504 thoughts on “The Pre-Courtship Questionnaire”

1. @.@

2. 406. How do you respond when you see a girl that isn’t dressed right?

   I don’t do anything. However, I am a grammar Nazi so if you insist on asking questions worded like this one I shall be forced to divorce you.

   1. Are you implying that a girl is a *who?

      Because if so, you’ve been out of fundyville far too long …

      1. Hey, don’t knock Whos, they did teach the Grinch about Christmas!

      2. also, right isn’t an adverb.

3. Fundystan in a nutshell:

   223. What is your definition of biblical modesty?

   Not what is a biblical definition of modesty? Rather what is your definition of biblical modesty?

   1. What kind of liberal tramp would have that question! 🙂

      1. Doesn’t it make you unacceptably liberal if you acknowledge that there is more than one possibly correct reading of the Bible?

         1. I think we all know the answer to that! 🙂

4. 294. How do you spend money?

   I generally take it out of my pocket and hand it to the cashier. Sometimes I use a debit card but the process is nearly the same.

   1. I’m not sure I want to marry into a family where they don’t even know how money is spent. 😐

      1. It’s hard to imagine someone answering this, “Frivolously” or “On myself” or “With little foresight”.

5. 84. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

   *sobs softly. I don’t have three friends.*

   1. 😆

6. That questionnaire is longer than most of my past relationships.

   Thing’s I like: People who use apostrophes correctly.

7. I remember this checklist from Bill Gothard’s ATI program.

   Yeah, it’s real…

8. 20. Do you read?
   Yes

   21. What do you read?
   This stupid questionnaire. Ask me again in a week.

9. 154. Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?

   Also, can we take a moment to appreciate that this list has apparently not been updated since the introduction of the PG-13 rating in 1984?

   1. or includes video game ratings

10. Question #424 should be something about valuing education or attention to detail seeing the unnecessary apostrophe inserted in the word “Thing’s”.

    1. Ah, I’m coming late to the game. Now that I’ve been reading all the comments, I see that many of you have already commented on this!

    2. They’re everywhere! 290, 388, 390, 392, 393, and the heading before 422.

11. 233: Contact with your family?

    b) who sends written letters to anyone beside the amish, or for effect?

    d [missing]) No one has any in person contact with there family these days? (completely skips the possibility of ever seeing anyone in your family in person at all)

12. 413. Do you play games?

    Maybe, but the person who hands this out is an expert at playing games! 🙂

    1. Follow ups to that specifically excludes the possibility of finding out if your potential courting partner has a gambling problem.

       Brilliant.

    2. I play head games. That should count for a lot in Fundystan.

13. 67. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
    69. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?

    It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.

    And how limiting on God, assuming that because a potential suitor’s parent had a disease that that suitor is no longer suitable.

    1. “It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.”

       That’s EXACTLY what this is. It’s disgusting.

       1. Especially when you consider this: “385. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?”

          I will only consider copulation if you’ve been properly vetted.

          1. Snrk.

             Vetted.

             We don’t need to go to a regular doctor. A livestock vet will do just fine for us.

          2. Answer: Does it have to be by a physician, or can I get a physical exam down at Aphrodite’s Massage Parlor?

       2. “It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.”

          That’s EXACTLY what this is. It’s disgusting.

          What do you think a daughter/wife is?
          Breeding stock for the Patriarch’s sons & grandsons.

14. 367. When someone upsets you do you write that person off and never speak to them again or do you go to them and try to work out the problem?

    Let me turn this one around: When someone answers a question on a questionnaire in a way you don’t like, do you write that person off and never speak to them again?

    1. oh! Gotcha!

    2. If you answer this question in the affirmative, it has to be points in your favor…

       Because that’s what an Indy Fundy does. Shun.

    3. When a family member leaves a particular brand of Xianity, do you write them off and never speak to them again?

       1. According to my fundy pastor uncle, yes.

15. I thought #254 pretty much sums up the insanity that is this list. Because anyone who is NOT a Baptist is not worthy, so apparently ALL Baptists (Independendent, Southern, Freewill, Missionary, etc…) qualify.

    1. Remember, this is just the pre-courtship questionaire. This just gets you to round to. The courtship questionaire requires you to be an independent, fundamental, KJV, pre-tribulation, non-drinkin’, sin hatin’, precher warshipin,’ old fashin’, Baptist.

16. This one explains a LOT:

    263. What would their education entail? (History, Science, Theology, Creation/Biology, Music/Arts)

    No mention of Math, English, Literature (maybe under Arts?), etc!

    1. Grammar isn’t on the list either, I see.

       1. I often use English as a subject to mean English/Grammar. I’m not sure if it’s correct, but the classes I learned both in were normally just called English class.

          1. Me too. I was just continuing to poke fun at the punctuation mistakes on this questionnaire.

          2. @PW

             I hate to correct you but I think you meant to write punctuation mistake’s.

          3. Thank’s for you’re advise.

          4. fore or four, plz 🙂

       2. Also, no Social Science/Studies/Civics classes. No Physical Ed…

17. This is the verbal equivalent of what some fundies do on their wedding night: they expect, in a course of a couple hours, to go from never touching at all to having sex.

    This questionnaire demands at the outset many things that would be revealed in time if people just spent some time together, but, in a pious attempt to remain pure, they make up onerous restrictions and then think, if they just follow the rules (or answer all the questions right), life will be perfect.

    1. Not just “having sex”.

       Having BARN-BURNING, SWINGING FROM THE CHANDELIERS, DYNAMITE S*E*X 24/7/365, fulfilling EVERY fantasy that’s been building for years, starting the first night!

       That’s what Fundy boys are promised as a bribe for staying virgins. (And they’ve been cultivating all their fantasies while waiting.) And Fundy brides have to become their hubby’s Perfect Fantasy Porn Star immediately upon saying “I Do.”

       This is not a realistic expectation.

       1. For some reason I’m thinking of Amish Erotica; wasn’t there some kind of advertisement for that a while ago?
          It may have been a joke, but it’s too good an image to let go. 😆 😈

          1. That’s sure to be a disappointment.
             The Amish do it the same way(s) everybody else does.

18. 408. Would you have a Curse Free Unit?

    What does this mean? I’ve heard of a service that censored movies & resold them, and I believe got shut down for copyright infringement or something. Is there such a thing as a device that mutes/blurbs out swear words for TV/movies?

    1. And if it is is a real thing, does it work, and is it legal?

       1. I found this:

          http://kwwtx.tripod.com/cftv.htm

    2. There are a couple types of these, actually. The one I had growing up was a box that censored language, along with scenes of violence, and many other things (innuendo, disrespect toward parents, disrespect toward the American flag, etc). You had to go online and download the movie data onto a jump drive, which then was plugged into the box. It was a ridiculously long process and it wasn’t that reliable.

    3. A Curse Free Unit sounds like some obscure Dungeons & Dragons talisman, capable of repelling any spell. 😛

       1. I would gladly have one of those!

    4. I might have been a Curse-Free Unit when I started reading this questionnaire, but I achieved “Cursing a Blue Streak” by the midpoint, and moved on to scaring the neighbors with my “Psychedelic Pswearing” by the time I finished reading.

       1. No kidding.

          The more I read it, the more claustrophobic I started feeling.

          1. It’s interesting to me that as much as I cringe at this list now, I probably would have loved it back in my fundy days. Growing up in a checklist-obsessed culture primed me for loving questionnaires.

          2. Me too. I still like taking fun quizzes like “Which Tolkien character are you?” But my perfectionist tendencies would also make a checklist like this overwhelming.

    5. There is a device (“TV Guardian”) that can be hooked up to your TV or maybe your DVR/DVD. It will block profanity from coming through while you’re watching. You can set it to strict, moderate, or tolerant. It’s motto is “No Cuss for Us.”

       1. **Its**

       2. My brother used to have a TV Guardian. It called the three tunnels in the movie The Great Escape “Tom, Jerk, and Harry.”

          1. Poor Dick! Even the machines make fun of his name!

          2. Wow, reverse sexism. Not every Dick is a Jerk.

          3. It always replaced the word sex with hugs. 🙂

       3. Three guesses on how I know about this machine… 😳

    6. Aren’t curses usually free?
       I’ve never paid for one, nor have I ever charged for one.

19. I am very sad to realize that I know exactly the “right” way to answer all of these questions (if I were a potential suitor). Gothard-speak never completely leaves your brain.

    And relieved to realize that my “real” answers would bear little resemblance to the “right” ones. 😆

    1. ‘And relieved to realize that my “real” answers would bear little resemblance to the “right” ones.’

       Which makes you the same as everybody else.

    2. I feel the same way. As a person who also “left it behind” I’m both intrigued to remember how eagerly I would have filled this out in my jr. high school years, and sad that some people would still look at this questionnaire and think it was a remotely accurate indication of their future happiness. I used to know all the “right” things to say to impress people, still do, and am just grateful that I no longer define myself by the standards of others, but rather have learned to be happy being real, even if I don’t sound perfect all (or most of) the time.

       1. You’ve gotten to what really should be the main question that is asked. “Can you accept and love this other person with all of their faults?”

          I also like what you said about being real. My favorite TED Talk is on vulnerability. If you haven’t read it, I HIGHLY recommend it.

          http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

20. 332: Do you buy used or does it have to be new?
    Prefer new food, toilet paper, candy, etc. used might be difficult.

    1. ^ This made me choke on my coffee. 😀

    2. I’ve been offered used gum, but I politely declined.

21. “136: In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?”
    A beard. Definitely grow a beard before marriage.

    “212. Do you open doors for ladies? 213. Do you let them go first?214. Do you offer to help carry things for them?”
    Look here. I help people when it is obvious to me that they are struggling, or could use the help. I don’t presume that just because someone happens to be female that she is incapable of opening a door or carrying something. That said, I open doors for people who want to go through them, whether or not they are women. It’s called being polite.

    “220. When at home or in the car who does the –temperature have to be set to please, you or the others in the car? How about in regards to your Mom or Sister?”
    Huh, the temperature does not have to be set to anything. What adults do, is they explain to each other whether or not they are uncomfortable, and they work out amongst themselves the best way to accommodate the needs of the most vulnerable first, and then the majority second., irrespective of whether or not that person happens to be a woman.

    “225. Do you have Bible to back up your opinion? Is it a conviction or an opinion?”
    -In my opinion, it is a conviction; therefore it is an opinion, but that’s only my opinion, which means it could be a conviction.

    “248. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?”
    – I do not practice it. Physical violence against children eh? What do you think?

    “265. When does corporal discipline begin?”
    -Why ask if I believe in something, if you later assume it to be normative?

    “269. What words or phrases are off-limits?”
    -Would you like me to list them, or whisper them to you?

    “282. What is your view of Spanking?”
    -What the hell? Again?

    “290. Would you be willing to listen to Dr. Davis’ Parenting DVD’s before and after we have children?”
    -Is he a real Doctor (MD)?

    1. Since question 248 specifies spanking CHILDREN, perhaps #282 is referring to the husband disciplining his wife. (I don’t actually think it’s meant that way, but who knows?)

       You said,

       265. When does corporal discipline begin?”
       -Why ask if I believe in something, if you later assume it to be normative?

       This actually would be something to discuss because some people believe in spanking infants younger than age 1.

       1. “some people believe in spanking infants” full stop.

          1. My former pastor’s wife tried to convince my wife and me to start spanking at 3 months like she did to her children 🙁

       2. Consensual spanking is an entirely different question!

          1. Laters.

       3. Since question 248 specifies spanking CHILDREN, perhaps #282 is referring to the husband disciplining his wife. (I don’t actually think it’s meant that way, but who knows?)

          Pastor’s Wife, let me clue you in on something called “Christian Domestic Discipline”:
          http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/06/19/spanking-for-jesus-inside-the-unholy-world-of-christian-domestic-discipline.html

          I will let Blazing Saddles speak for me:
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ce-zC_n8E

          1. CDD, Christian Domestic Discipline, isn’t Christian or discipline! It’s demented and wife abuse!I wonder if they’ve been reading Debi Pearl’s books and gleaned inspiration from them? Those people are sick!

          2. Well, “Erotic Flagellation” (as they called it back then) was the most popular kink among Respectable Victorian Englishmen.
             “KINK OF ENGLAND!”

             This is just justifying their kink with a Christianese coat of paint.

    2. ““282. What is your view of Spanking?”
       -What the hell? Again?”

       I’m right handed, so that’s typically the one I use.

       1. I’m beginning to think whoever created this questionnaire had a bit of a thing for spanking.

          1. I guess if I ever get handed this questionnaire I’ll just ask her if she’s ready to skip the BS and go straight to the spanking part.

             And after the spanking…

          2. Elijah, would this be the Bishop you’re spanking? 😈

          3. I *am* a bachelor. 😈

          4. Well, I could stay a BIT longer

          5. I’m beginning to think whoever created this questionnaire had a bit of a thing for spanking.

             “KINK OF ENGLAND!”

    3. “290. Would you be willing to listen to Dr. Davis’ Parenting DVD’s before and after we have children?”

       Sure, if you’ll listen to my 64-hour Screamin’ Jay Hawkins marathon.

    4. #269 “What words or phrases are off-limits?”
       I have explained to my children that in our family, we don’t say “Sucks”, unless they are referring to Disco, as in; “Disco Sucks”.

22. 357: Can you tell me no or will you let me walk all over you?

    “No, I will not fill out your stupid questionnaire.”

    1. ^Bingo!

23. 377. How often do you go to the altar?

    Are we really supposed to be keeping track of this? Wouldn’t counting the number of times we go forward end up causing us to become either self-conscious or else a manipulator, using the altar call as a chance to look “super spiritual” and impress people?

    1. Answer: Every Sunday, to receive the Blessed Sacrament.

       Oops, I don’t think that’s the answer they wanted…..

24. After reading through 368-383 (the section on your willingness to admit that you are wrong and change), I realized that most honest fundies would fail that section.

    Seriously think of every fundy that has been highlighted on this blog (hyles, Schaap, the Joneses, Hortons, Stephen Anderson) and imagine them answering those honestly.
    “Does God have to “knock you over the head” before you will change something in your life?
    Are you hard-headed?
    Are you teachable?
    Can you give me an example of the last time that you recognized an area that you needed to change in your life?”

    1. “Imagine them answering those honestly.”

       Sorry, I just can’t do that.

25. 93. Why do you feel like I’m the one for you?

    After this, I’m honestly not sure anymore.

    122. Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? How do you feel about guns?

    More and more, favorable.

    123. How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?

    In light of the above question, not so well.

    137. What does “leave and cleave” mean to you?

    At #137 of 431, I’m thinking of Leaving you with a Cleaver in your head.

    139. What is your view of Divorce?
    140. Is there ever a cause for divorce?
    141. Can you ever justify it?

    If I remember to keep a copy of this questionnaire for my lawyer, I think so.

    152. What are your views on public swimming?

    Mostly from a balcony with binoculars.

    153. Do you use offensive language?

    Right this minute? You bet your ass.

    185. Do you like to write your feelings?

    Yes. RAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGE.

    226. Are pants ever acceptable?

    No, unless I have to go out in public.

    294. How do you spend money?

    By exchanging bills in my wallet for shiny things in a store.

    296. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?

    I will no longer have bills in my wallet.

    301. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

    To keep my wallet stocked for you.

    306. What is your current job?

    Filling out this %*&($ questionnaire.

    395. Do you think you should give Birthday Presents?
    396. Decorations?
    397. Cake?

    Yes, I believe in giving cake. Always.

    406. How do you respond when you see a girl that isn’t dressed right?

    That’s a pretty personal question.

    423. Favorite foods
    a. Desserts
    b. Snacks
    c. Fast food
    d. Home cooked meals

    E. Alcohol

    1. I’d like to publicly apologize for the length and unfunnyness of the above comment and blame my lack of caffeine for my indiscretion. 😉

       1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The “swimming pool views” one got a good snort out of me.

       2. At least you know you’re not fundy. A fundy never apologizes.

          BTW, you had nothing to apologize for.

          1. Hitting the submit button, I had a moment of “oh wait, I can’t take this back. Ack!” lol

       3. Until your comment length approaches 1/4 of the questionnaire length, no apologies necessary. Besides, your answers were amusing.

       4. It wasn’t unfunny. It was hilarious. Just ask my colleagues in our “open workplace.” I have been laughing my head off here. 😆

       5. Leave and cleave was pretty funny! 🙂

       6. I laughed louder at your answers than at anything else today. 😆

       7. I laughed. Lots! I think my favorite answer was to how my use of money would change after marriage — “I will no longer have bills in my wallet.” Too true!

       8. Good golly, Miss Molly, you had me under your spell… Very funny stuff!!

    2. I noticed the gun one too. I rephrased that one in my head to be, “Are you willing and do you have the means to defend to the death your wife and children?”

       1. “ZARDOZ YOUR GOD GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF THE GUN!
          THE GUN IS GOOD!”

          1. Yep.
             🙄

          2. Any pastor who preaches a “Second Amendment Sunday/God & Guns” from the pulpit should be required to preach it in red speedos with matching bandoliers, black hooker boots, and a Zardoz helm.

    3. I believe receiving cake. Not so much giving it. Yes, receiving is much better.

       1. *in

       2. The cake is a lie. :-p

       3. Cake, or death?
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVjKlBCvhg

          1. That’s funny. I had never heard that before. 😆

26. Holy. Cow. Every time I thought I must be getting to the end I scrolled down and there was more.

    1. That was my reaction, too!!!

27. 334. How do you feel about making car payments?

    I hate it but I do it anyway. Otherwise they come and take the car back.

    226. Are pants ever acceptable?

    On me yes. But never on Donald Duck.

    132. What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?

    Family worship sounds like pre-Christian paganism to me.

    190. How do you express anger?

    By bottling up my feelings. I am from TN. We are famous for bottling up spring water, whiskey and THINGS.

    351. Would you be willing to go to communication classes?

    Yes. Provided that you are willing to go to a remedial grammar class.

    243. Do you believe in abortion?

    I am aware that it exists.

    1. “Do you believe in abortion?”

       There are a couple of those “do you believe in” questions. Badly, badly worded, but on par with the generally poor quality of the work.

       1. … and many “‘s” where they do not belong.

          1. 428. With what level of excellence do you do your work, recognizing that we are to do all we do to the glory of God?

             429. Are you details-oriented? If you are not, do you think God cares about little things? If He does, shouldn’t you? Errr, I mean, shouldn’t I, seeing that I typed out this questionnaire?

          2. (And to clarify, I was writing above in the voice of the author of this list. I, thankfully, had never seen it before today!)

          3. Ooooo! I just found a question about excellence! However, tellingly, it applies to CHILDREN and not to themselves: “260. What are the duties of children?
             261. What standard of excellence are they held to?”

          4. I’m so thankful that the supply of reasons to have left never seems to run out. I thought Japanese culture was strict, this puts them to shame.
             I also think of the quotation, “No more wire hangers!”

28. I thought the Bill Gothard questionnaire that fathers are supposed to ask potential sons-in-law was bad. This is worse. Although, to be fair, Gothard’s questionnaire asks them how they feel about the sexuality, and I don’t see that here. Probably they got tired of coming up with questions before they thought of it.

    1. About *their* sexuality, George! Not *the* sexuality!!!

    2. And they appear to be more hung up on spanking than generic sexuality questions. 😉

    3. 444. What is your favorite position?
       445. When you let go of your collected gas, would you blame it on your spouse?
       446. After such an incident, would you be willing to see pastor man-o-gawd for counseling? (see numbers 1-10)
       447. If pastor man-o-gawd wants to live in our house, would you be willing to live in the basement and maintain the home?

29. 201. What are the areas that drive you crazy if they aren’t clean?

    This is a family site.

    1. BAH!

30. Almost 500 questions??? WTF is this, a background check for a position with the NSA???

    1. They think they can stave off pain and grief if they only ask the right questions, do the right things, and make the right choices, never realizing that time and chance happen to them all.

       It’s a mad treadmill of trying to achieve utopia by one’s own efforts.

       1. #24. What breaks your heart?

          This. The demands, the perfectionism, the endless striving, the wide-eyed hopes that will eventually crash into reality, the emptiness of legalism when God offers grace and freedom.

31. The Jack Trieber influence is strong in this!

    1. Interesting how Dr. T’s name comes up on these control-freakish posts! Somebody knows Jack!

       1. Trieber is no doctor…

          1. Oh, yes he is! A doctor, just like all the other “Great Mogs” of IFBdom! They humbly accept their honorary doctorates and humbly wear the title to every pastor’s conference in the country.

             How dare you say he isn’t a doctor! 😉

          2. With liveried Armorbearers preceding them, blowing long trumpets to announce how Humble they are.

          3. “They Humbly accept their Honorary Doctorates…”
             From each other.

             Larry awards Moe an Honorary Doctorate.
             Moe awards Curly an Honorary Doctorate.
             Curly awards Larry an Honorary Doctorate.
             NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!

32. I have a security clearance for my job. Getting it was way less intrusive than this!

33. 26. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

    Sex.

    Duh.

    And since this is a Fundy questionnaire, I will be so bold as to say that it should be three times per week.

    “Three to thrive,” hay-men?

    1. Hm. I’m not really willing to pare back to three…

34. There are some weird details in here like who sets the temperature inside the car or whether you serve cake on someone’s birthday.

    Yet even with all these questions, there are still more things that could cause division in their marriage.

    Shouldn’t they ask what NFL/NBA/college teams they support?

    1. Believe it or not, Bill Gothard even has a process that pastors are supposed to go through to hire a church secretary!!! Nothing is too trivial to be dictated. Even at my fundiest, I thought that was nuts.

35. Gimme a “C” “C”
    Gimme a “U” “U”
    Gimme a “L” “L”
    Gimme a “T” “T”

    “What does that spell?”
    Independent Fundamental Baptist!
    yay!

    1. The guy who wrote this (or most of it) is actually a presbyterian, lol

36. By the time a woman finishes filling this out she will be past child bearing age…

    Please tell me this isn’t real, that it is a parody of some kind.
    Who created this? Has anyone ever known someone who had to answer trash like this??

37. Unless I’m mistaken, I know the man who wrote this thing. Note that I said I know him, not that I’m friends with him.

38. Found this. This isn’t pre-courtship, but pre-marriage.

    http://harbourchurch.org/fort-lauderdale/wp-content/uploads/Pre-Marital-Questionaire.pdf

    It isn’t just fundies…

    1. I looked at their website. They may have a different church model than IFBers, but they are still fundies. I would venture to say that they appear a bit more cult-like in some of their practices.

       1. I agree. Legalism and control comes in many flavors. I once went to a “church” that told me to take off my tie. “We don’t wear those here.” I was told.
          Even someone with a soul patch can smell of the leaven of hypocrisy.

39. I failed. Now I have to get a divorce.

40. #33 is really a nine-parter: “When did [fruit of the Spirit x] start appearing in your life?” Can you imagine even trying to answer this honestly?

    “Let’s see. I think I began to exhibit faithfulness on May 17th, 2004.”

    1. Even without trying to pin a DATE, how difficult would it be to evaluate when you STARTED showing self-control or gentleness or love?

       I have never believed those who say that there’s no such thing as a stupid question.

       1. Even without trying to pin a DATE, how difficult would it be to evaluate when you STARTED showing self-control or gentleness or love?

          Well, since a Fundy is expected to know the exact year/month/day/hour/minute/second he Said the Magic Words and was SAVED…

          (I am not making that up. During my time in-country I heard bragging about it, down to the second. And woe to anyone who DIDN’T remember it down to at least the hour and minute…)

          1. At various times, I’ve heard people insist that you had to know WHEN you accepted Christ as Savior. This terrified me because I didn’t know the exact date (much less the time). I’d try to remain calm by remembering that the Bible doesn’t record the moment the disciples believed either, but those preachers were so adamant that they used to really scare me.

41. Oooooo, I could see #18 going bad very, very quickly: “What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?”

    Well, Martha plays piano really well; I like that. And Mary has such a sweet, pleasing voice. And have you noticed how good Susie looks in those jean jumpers? I want my wife to look as good as Susie.”

42. 160. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    You’ll need to speak to my lawyer.

    1. Plead the Fifth!

43. 181. Are you open to God changing His will and you going in a different direction if He so chooses?
    182. Is quitting or giving up an option for you?

    Umm, how could you answer the first with a “yes” and not then answer the second with a “yes.” To onlookers, wouldn’t going in a different direction mean one was giving up on one’s original direction?

    1. Don’t 181 and 182 basically mean, “Pastor and/or your father-in-law-to-be have decided that you need to come work in our church for $11,000 per year, so you better do it or else no marriage?”

44. “132. What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?”

    http://www.pantheon.org/articles/a/ancestor_worship.html

45. 156. Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    If I am watching pornography, I am usually exposed.

46. 157. Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    No. But your brother is kind of cute.

47. 251. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Baptist classmates/friends?

    254. If there are members of my family that are not Baptist, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

    😥

    Notice there’s nothing about whether they’re committed Christ-followers or not, just whether they identify as “Baptists.” This makes my heart hurt.

48. 171. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

    Finish this questionnaire

    1. 😀

    2. For the love of sanity, Scorpio, WHY?

49. This is most definitely real. I used to attend this church & I know of two families who used this to question/interrogate the male before entering betrothal. For one, it took 4 hours. It is done in a sit down, one on one manner with either both parents or the parents & the daughter in attendance.

    1. I have to ask–did the gentlemen in question actually bring four months of bank statements?

    2. I read this as “before entering a brothel.” That’d have been funny.

       I still don’t get the difference between courtship and dating. Unless they’re just using a different name to be different from The World ™.

       1. I gather that they believe if you date you are giving away bits and pieces of your heart to different people instead of saving yourself for just your spouse. They want to avoid any “emotional impurity” (i.e., emotional connection with a person of the opposite sex whom you do not later end up marrying).

          They are also very concerned about “defrauding” each other or leading each other on, awakening interest (lust) that they do not intend to meet.

          To avoid that, they plan on courting: carefully choosing a potential suitor, evaluating that suitor’s qualities, and then entering into an agreement to “court” with the understanding that they intend to marry one another. Sometimes there are extra rules in that courtship about where they go or what they’ll do too.

          1. So, PW, after reading your summation, I’m still left wondering what is the difference between courtship and dating.

             I think that the difference is more along the lines of who is actively involved in the process. In dating, the young couple are mentally and emotionally engaged; the leading actors in the drama, while the parents are in the background. In courtship, the parents are mentally and emotionally engaged, while the young couple sits passively in the background and awaits the announcement of their doom.

             Courtship is for people who don’t let their children grow up naturally (with increasing responsibilities and freedoms as they get older), but who expect their children to go from Helpless Childhood to Responsible Adulthood in the blink of an eye…at the moment they say “I do.”

             But I never had to go through it, so maybe I don’t understand.

          2. Betrothal (as described by Davis on a tape when I was about 15) puts even greater emphasis on the parents doing all the choosing and decision making, with the daughter ostensibly getting to confirm the choice at the end of the process. Once the two are betrothed there is absolutely no out because in the Bible it says that Mary and Joseph were betrothed and he would have had to divorce her to get out of marrying her. Courtship is more like dating with parents chaperoning every encounter. Courtship is not as spiritual as betrothal.

       2. Unless you are going to a brothel for some very specific unusual stuff, you wouldn’t think bank statement would be necessary! 🙂

50. “12. What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through?”

    You mean besides endless Fundy questionnaires?

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