126 thoughts on “D-A-F-F-O-D-I-L”

  3. Hahaha! This makes me laugh 😀 I want to send it to my crusty IFB dad and make him squirm lol

  4. They misspelled “Faithful.” And it should be “old-fashioned,” not, “old fashion.”

    1. Fundies misspell all the time. I’ve lost count of the fundy doctrinal statements that were against the “tenants” of Calvinism (including one Bible College) and stood for the “Diety” of Christ.

      3. The one good thing about tenants who are Calvinists is that you’d never have a late rent payment; they are fated to always pay on time and nothing can change that.

      1. Old people who are obsessed with fashion (skirts only for women, short hair for men, etc.)?
        Sounds like Fundies to me.

  5. My daughter, who dates a boy who was converted out of Mormonism lol and told IFB churches and Mormon wards have way too much in common. This is a page straight from that cult. Way to go Fundys

  6. Maybe my monitor is too dark but what does the “L” stand for? I can see fellowship at the end. But what kind of fellowship?

      1. WHOA!!! that’s WAYYY to broad. only with the other tithing members in good standing in our pastors church

  9. I picked a weed to represent how fundies often look at ex-fundamentalists.

    To them, we are . . .

    D – deniers of the faith
    A – ambivalent toward Scripture
    N – numb to the leading of the Spirit
    D – dancers and drinkers
    E – ecumenical, as if doctrine doesn’t matter to us
    L – liberal
    I – immoral
    O – overly sensitive to “supposed” faults in the IFB
    N – non-tithers

    1. PW – I think that you should pluralize this. The “S” at the end would stand for “Smokers”. I’m lighting one up as I type. Yes, I know it’s a bad habit, but it is stress releief from my fundy days.

  10. Pants are for men
    Evil is everywhere!
    One true faith
    Never question the MOg
    Everyone uses the KJV
    Yes men (oops, is that almost a repeat of #4? Oh well 😉

  11. R-Revere the pastor
    O-Obey the pastor
    S-Sing praises unto to the pastor
    E-Elevate the pastor above mere men

  12. Here at Olde Tyme Brush Arbor Baptist we like to present ouselves as sweet smelling savors to those around us, sort of like a rose from the Funeral Parlour. Amen?

    …..Redeemed
    ..KJVOnly
    Hymn Singin’
    …..Evangelist lovin’ Baptists! Amen!

  13. W – We have it figured out.
    E – Everyone else is wrong…therefore…
    E – Everyone else is evil.
    D – Don’t question the above statements.

  16. O – Others are wicked
    R – Race to the altar
    C – Church attendance every time the doors are open
    H – Hide your sins
    I – Indentured servitude
    D – D*mned if you do, d*mned if you don’t
    S – Shut up and build a bigger “ministry”

  19. Well, I’ll confess to being one of those Calvinistic Fundies!

    However, while I still use the “Fundy” label, I’ve come to terms with the fact that many of my choices are purely personal preferences, and not “biblical standards.” They do not have any place in the content of a sermon, and no one should attempt to defend them biblically, or impose them on others.

    I was the Assistant Pastor at a Calvinistic, Fundamentalist church that was pretty hardcore at times. My journey past that point is a long story, but the church I now fellowship with is Calvinistic and Fundamentalist without being overtly either. In fact, the pastor prefers to use the term “Evangelical” to emphasize the focus on the Gospel.

    The people are truly the most gracious, loving, and compassionate people I have ever come across in my Christian experience and being around them is always a very refreshing experience.

    My list comes from my time as an Assistant Pastor in the church I mentioned previously, and is something of a compilation of things I often used to hear the Pastor say both privately and from the pulpit.

    W – Where’s your tie brother?
    I – It’s either “Amen!” or “Oh me!”
    G – God will get his 10 % one way or another
    G – God has standards! That’s not legalism!
    I – I’ll tell you what the problem is with… (Evan”jelly”cals, Charismatics, etc.)
    N – Now, walking the aisle doesn’t save you, BUT…
    S – Somebody say Amen!
    I – I’m telling you, “The buck stops here!”
    A – Apostasy is rampant! It’s everywhere (but here)!

    For those who don’t know, a wigginsia is a small, prickly cactus. Somehow it just seemed to fit…

    2. A bit of a derail, but you put your finger on something important. Growing up a military kid, I got to attend all sorts of churches. At the end of the day I can truly classify them into two groups – those who loved God and loved their neighbor and were trying to come to terms with God and His word, and those who paid lip service to the great commandment while pursuing worldly success, power, fame, and bent God’s word to fit their desires. All the other doctrine stuff sort of melts away.

      1. I completely agree. I too was a military kid, and on top of that my parents went to the mission field in my teen years. So I saw a lot of churches and your grouping is dead on.

      2. Right doctrine should lead to right practice. But I think a right emphasis and balance are also essential.

        I find the issue boils down to maintaining a right emphasis on the Gospel and on Christ. The folks I’m among now certainly aren’t doctrinally deficient or receiving weak teaching. On the contrary, it’s because they regularly receive sound, balanced teaching that they abound in the fruit of love, joy and peace. They appreciate God’s holiness, but also his mercy. They desire to do good to those of the household of faith, but also to all men.

        We can get our i’s dotted and our t’s crossed just right, but become terribly unbalanced in our emphasis, and that’s where I’ve found things go horribly wrong.

        1. That claim would need a lot of nuance. And I mean a lot. There have been scores of Christians, churches, denominations, and movements that had “right doctrine” on paper, and were all kinds of evil. But I don’t think the conception of doctrine as a series of propositions is either correct or complete.

  21. I was walking in the California desert recently and found this particular flower…

    T-Total obedience to me
    R-Reflect me and MY ministry!
    I-Independent thinking not allowed
    E-Every three weeks a haircut
    B-Birthday gift of $100! (minus tithe and taxes)
    E-Enjoy being my servant (or you’re fired!)
    R-Replace deodorant brands regularly

  22. H-hair shall be short. High and Tight like the military…cause we’re in the Lord’s Army
    Y-Ye must be born again
    D-demons live in rock records
    R-Reformed Theology is heresy…they don’t even have altar calls!
    A-Altar…if you ain’t spending 45 minutes a week at the altar you need to check your heart, brother
    N-NIV the Not Inspired Version. A PER version of the Gos…spull
    G- God hates Gays
    E-Evangelists…because there are no new sermons just new audiences
    A-Abstain from all appearance of evil…and from all appearances of appearances of evil

  23. M. Mog is always right
    A. Accreditation is compromise
    R. Right about everything.
    I. Independent of everybody.
    J. Jesus is on our list, just not first.
    U. Unusual ways for women to dress.
    A. Against everything.
    N. Never question.
    A. All of your time and money.

  24. T – Tithing regularly
    I – Independent
    T – Terrorizing outsiders
    A – Always right
    N – Never wrong

    A – Altar calls
    R – Relentless pursuit of souls, and I do mean relentless
    U – Under the pastor’s rule
    M – MoG FTW

    I felt this flower to be particularly appropriate.

  25. Dear SFL Readers:

    Shouldn’t DAFFODILS ‘F’s be reversed so your money makes it to church whether or not you’re well or able enough to get there?

    Christian Socialist

  27. The IFB loathing for “Calvinism” is a bit strange, since the Fundy movement has deep Calvinist roots. To outsiders, IFB Fundies look like Calvinists with weird dress code obsessions.

    1. If by “weird dress code obsessions” you mean “cheap polyester suits”, your are right on the money. I don’t ever remember seeing natural fabrics in my old fundy church.

    2. Ever since my true conversion (1-1-1988) and embracing of Calvinism, I have learned that all Fundies are Calvinists…they just don’t know it. *Yes, I was once a IBF Fundie and preached that Calvinism was from the pit of hell)

  28. I’ve always loved the flower Gloxinia, especially its name. I’d like to someday name a daughter or a pet Gloxinia (my wife would rather it be a pet).

    G Gay Christians need not apply.
    L Love should be reserved for your Pastor.
    O Offerings are never big enough.
    X X is the letter we never use to abbreviate “Christmas.”
    I Independent thinking is a sin.
    N Never question a Mannagawd’s doctrines.
    I Introverts should be ashamed they aren’t out soul-winning.
    A Any other ideas are unwelcome.

  29. I’m not clever like many of the folks here, but

    D – Denial of scandals. It’s just gossip-mongering by bitter people
    A – Altar calls. When is the last time YOU came forward? Well, that’s too long.
    H – High standards. You can tell how godly we are by our high standards
    L – Love for only those than can help build our church or MOG
    I – Ignore the needy
    A – Absolute authority of the MOG.

  30. T – Total Conformity
    U – Uniformity in everything
    M – MoG is always right
    B – Better than the other churches out there
    L – Liberal hating
    E – Everything in the church goes through the MOG
    W – Women are to be submissive
    E – Eyes to the front during preaching
    E – Every Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday
    D – Dare not to cross the Mog or deacons!

    1. Tumbleweeds have almost no root – kinda like churches that rely on standards instead of Christ. And then they get blown away with the first good wind.
      I know there are some IFB’s that have Christ as their root – the one my hubby goes to sometimes is one of them. I wish they all did.

  31. S- Safe only at church
    T- Trying to be good enough
    U- Utter Hypocrisy
    P- Pants for men only
    I- Ignorant of all science
    D- Don’t question the pastor

  33. Pansy. So pretty but may have a dark center. LOL!

    P- Painty-waist! That’s what you are if you let your wife have and opinion about anything!
    A- Ain’t. You Ain’t gonna do this, and you ain’t gonna do that. And AIN’T no BODY gonna remove me from this pulpit but GAWD, because GAWD put me here! HayMAYUN!!!
    N- Nursing Home Ministry. Because we got to get out there and drag old people out of their beds and convert them before they die and go to HEYULL!!!
    S- Satan. Satan is EVERYWHERE! Anything you think that I don’t agree with is SATAN working in your life!
    Y- Yeller. As in “yellow”. If you can’t control your wife and kids you must be scared of ’em…that makes you YELLER Brother! You ain’t nothing but a YELLER COWARD!

    And just for the record…go ahead and wear that pink shirt…You ain’t nothin’ but a PANSY! In your pretty little pink shirt that your wife who tells you what to do and what to wear bought you!

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist. All of it came flooding back to me!
    Apologies if someone mentioned any of this stuff on theirs…just consider it an echo! :mrgreen:

  34. VERILY, I say unto thee, I, the MOg am always right.

    INTOLERANCE is what we preach–not only for sin, but for atheists, Muslims, Jews, and any non-Christians.

    OTHERS are for soulwinning, not co-conspiring. Bad company corrupts good character. Be in the world, but not OF the world!

    LET the little children come unto me, but only if they’re behaving perfectly and know what plumbers’ supply line is for (besides plumbing).

    EVERLASTING perdition awaits those who are not of our faith, or may be of our faith but aren’t too zealous about it. “I will spue thee out of my mouth,” saith the Lord to lukewarm Christians!

    TRACTS are our best friends next to the Bible. Our Scriptures can get awful heavy sometimes, but not the “Four Spiritual Laws”!

  35. T Trouble maker-what you are if you ask a question
    H Happy-what you are when you leave Fundydom
    O Out of luck- what you are when you try to get a job
    R Rejoicing- what you are when the MOG “gets his”
    N Neo- what you are when you find a new church

  36. B – BAPTIST!
    O – Obedience is the very best way…
    U – UNDER GOD!
    G – God calls MEN to LEAD
    A – Authority. MOg has it, you don’t.
    N – No other opinions tolerated.
    V – Violence is the means of sanctification
    I – INDEPENDENT!
    L – Liberals are demons
    L – Lesbians are too
    A – ALTAR!

    1. Have you ever tried to prune a Bouganvilla?

      Completely covered with two-inch thorns?

      Let’s just say you better have your tetanus shots up-to-date.

  38. a seven point fundy

    v . vain

    i . intimidator

    o . offensive

    l . loud

    e . extremist

    t . terrorist

    s . suppressive

    roses are red
    violets are blue
    every time i flush the toilet
    it reminds me of you

    1. a seven point fundy

      v.ain = having or showing an excessively high opinion of one’s appearance, abilities, or worth

      i.ntimidator = bully

      o.ffensive = causing someone to feel deeply hurt, upset, or angry

      l.oud = powerful or offensive. a particular opinion or attitude expressed

      e.xtremist = a person who holds extreme or fanatical political or religious views, esp. one who resorts to or advocates extreme action

      t.errorist = alarmist, someone who is considered to be exaggerating a danger and so causing needless worry or panic

      s.uppressive = prevent the development, action, or expression of; restrain

      roses are red
      violets are blue
      my heart is broken
      because you

  39. Since leaving the IFB, I’ve exchanged the Daffodil for a Lily (a lily symbolizing Christ’s resurrection):

    L – love, both for God and others
    I – involvement in our culture instead of separation
    L – liberty, freedom of conscience & freedom from fear
    Y – yoke of Christ – His yoke is EASY not burdensome

    1. I struggled a bit with the Y.

      My other idea for Y was “yes” as in 2 Cor. 1:20:

      “For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our ‘Amen’ (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.”

      1. PW, thank you so much for the beautiful grace that you share here. You are truly a testimony of someone living like Christ.

        I do get lots of giggles from everyone else too! 😆

        I tried to share this site with a cousin that recently left the IFB and she said she doesn’t like it because it borders on mocking and I told her its because she isn’t over being a fundy yet. Please pray that God will use me to show her how to let him out of the fundy box she has kept him in for far too long.

    2. Dear pastor’s wife:

      Beautiful statement. Thank you for that. Just had to say it.

      Christian Socialist

  40. I don’t see a K for King James only. Does anyone know the history of the KJV only movement? Isn’t it a fairly recent phenomenon, such as from the 80’s or so? Most of the people I’ve talked to have never even heard of the King James only movement and don’t even know it’s an issue. It seems to be a subset of Christianity that is majoring on this issue.

    And on a side note, does anyone know if FBC Hammond really cares about this issue? I know a former member there who moved away and no longer attends there. They had a theory, and it was only a theory and couldn’t prove it or back it up with any evidence, that FBC in all honesty couldn’t care less about the issue (like most of Christianity). They theorized that it was picked up as an issue as a strategic tactic to ward off attention from the whole Biblical Evangelist issue. I recently talked with this former member and he just laughed when talking about musings about how “the church is facing problems because they have let up on the KJV issue” and this is somehow a judgement. Of course, the obvious ironic joke is that the leadership (dead or alive) really couldn’t care less about the issue and was just using it as a diversion. You almost feel sorry for those concerned about the “strayings” of FBC from the KJV issue when some theorize that they never cared about it in the first place and it was a fake agenda……….Has anyone else ever heard this?

    1. I don’t know about FBC Hammond’s stance on the issue. I just looked KJV onlyism up in Wikipedia, and it said that, although a starting date of the movement is not known, the earliest known point of origin for the concept is in the 1930’s. I do know that the NASB came out in 1972, and the NIV in 1984; those bibles influenced a lot of people to no longer use the KJV, and the more people started using non-KJV Bibles, the louder KJV-onlyists got. Also, as far as I know, only Fundamentalists are KJV only.

    2. The movement started with the pubication of Benjamin Wilkinson’s book “Our Authorized Bible Vindicated” in 1930. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Authorized_Bible_Vindicated He was a Seventh Day Adventist.

      David Otis Fuller quoted this book extensively in his “Which Bible” published in 1970. This book began the movement in its fullest form. There were KJV advocated before this, but not KJVO.

      1. And I read the book “Which Bible.” It was a textbook at Maranatha Baptist Bible College in the 70’s and 80’s. When they came of age in the 90’s it was dropped. They are no longer KJVO.

        1. BMC- “All those other versions, well, I just call them perversions, well amen, there now!” Was Dr. C always KJV only? It seemed like he hired a few faculty members, especially, Strouse, who really took up this issue. I never went to a Dean Burgeon Society Meeting(however you spell his name), but I remember Dr. Donald Waite (dry as dust)and his statement in preacher preacher boys class (that seems like a strange name for a class), “There was a man sent from God, whose name was John, John Dean Burgeon.” I don’t think AQW was of that stripe.

    3. Since the work on the Revised Standard Version in the 1800s, there have always been those who have defended the KJV. Until recently, such defense generally took the form of the manuscripts from which the KJV was translated as being superior (not trying to debate the issue here, just give a history).

      In the 1970s or thereabouts, Peter Ruckman started up with the idea that the KJV itself was inspired, and his “position” has gained quite a following. Jack Schaap (bad as he is in all other areas) correctly refuted the idea that the KJV is inspired (it is a translation; only the original texts are properly said to be inspired). For those preachers hoping and wanting to be THE IFB leader, and bring Schaap down, they jumped all over his statement and screamed at everyone that Jack Schaap doesn’t think that the Bible is inspired. It has been this feuding that has drawn so much attention to the King James Only position, by which most people mean the extremist Riplinger / Ruckman variety.

      1. I am an evangelical, but know many people who are IFB whom I consider friends. I have never even heard of this whole KJO-only issue until I heard them mention it. It seems almost cult-like in it’s following. Although, even in the evangelical world it is widely acknowledged that there are potential problems with paraphrases of the Bible. If some guy wants to sit in his basement and come up with a new “version” of the Bible that is fine, but please call it a paraphrase of the Bible and not a real Bible. Other than that, I know of no one other than IFB’s concerned about the KJO-only thing.

        1. There are several subsets of Pentacostalism that also take the KJVO position. They are pretty much IFB plus Holy Spirit emphasis. Those are the only two places I have ever seen it.
          Considering that Jack Hyles started to help Bob Jones with their newer Bible version translations and didn’t come out as strong KJV (not full on KJVO) until after John R. Rice died, I doubt it was more than tradition tacked on after the fact.

  41. C hristians – they attend our churches, not yours.
    L echery – Keep your wives and daughters close!
    I ndependence – means no accountability. Never!
    T ranslations matter – you know what we mean.
    O pposition – proves that we are right. ALWAYS.
    R ules – invented by the MoG have divine authority.
    I diocy – justifies itself. If it works, it must be right.
    A varice – whatever you have belongs to us first.

    Christian Socialist

  42. Well, I’m not a poet…but I’ve tried. I chose the monkshood, because it’s fatal:

    M usic can’t have a backbeat!

    O bey the pastor!

    N ever miss a service!

    K ing James only!

    S eparation from everybody and everything!

    H arangues from the pulpit!

    O bey the pastor!

    O bey the pastor!

    D on’t wear slacks, ladies!

    1. Dear ChainedNoLonger:

      Your analogy is intriguing, but it needs to be explored further.

      The monkshood blossoms are beautiful [ http://tinyurl.com/9mnpf9e and http://tinyurl.com/8rsef3m ].

      This plant also has some resilience. It is a very long bloomer. Monkshood is extremely toxic [up there with the water hemlocks]. Every part of monkshood is toxic; skin contact alone produces sickness. It is also fatal to dogs and other animals.

      Also called aconite and wolfs bane, monkshood remained the world’s most deadly toxin until the last century. It leaves no trace of itself in the blood. Some therefore regard it as the weapon for the perfect murder. Monkshood foliage has been mistaken for parsley.

      Because of the positive traits, I acquired monkshood seed with the intention of germination and cultivation. Owing to other traits [the ‘Queen of poisons’], I never started it.

      Like monkshood, fundamentalism mimics what is good and tries to present a good image. But it is not harmless. If ingested, it kills. Mere contact is enough to sicken and pollute. As monkshood blooms from summer and even into winter, fundamentalism virulently resists the elements around it which ought to kill it.

      Just as an avid gardener handles monkshood only with gloves and thinks twice about planting it, those new in faith and unskilled in the word would be very well advised to stay away from fundamentalism.

      Christian Socialist

      1. Christian Socialist,

        Your reply made me begin thinking more deeply. I picked that flower because of its beauty and its poisonous qualities, which you explained far better than I could.

        Fundamentalism – at least the kind I escaped from – is just a “beautiful” and deadly. To me, it sounded so good. It was so easy: do these things and you’ll please God. So simple – so I wore my skirts, threw away my music, and obeyed the pastor in everything. (A friend mentioned the other day that she remembers me sledding in a skirt.)

        But being chained in fundamentalism goes far deeper than the clothes and music rules. It’s a mindset of fear and of judgmentalism.

        As I think back, I realize that I was always so afraid. For example, the KJVO never made sense to me, but I was afraid of asking questions. I knew I’d be told to get my heart right. I remember when I finally bought a “New KJV” (what a rebel!), I accidentally left it on the piano after church one Sunday morning. I was physically ill all afternoon – scared to death that the pastor or choir director would find it.

        I didn’t realize at the time how judgmental I was toward everyone on the “outside.” I truly thought my church had a corner on God and that everyone else was going to hell. Or at least would have their works burned up on the day of judgment.

        It’s been 21 years since we left. I’ll never forget the first time I heard a preacher say, “This is a difficult passage and some Christians interpret it differently than I do.” What?! The pastor wasn’t going to tell me what I had to think? What was I going to do?

        How wonderful to find out God doesn’t live in a tiny IFB box. How good to know I can pick up a Bible in a version of my choosing (using the NAS right now) and hear His voice. How freeing to learn that I’m not a second-class citizen of the kingdom – God actually gave me a mind to learn and the ability to teach.

        So, yeah – fundamentalism is poisonous like the flower I picked. I think we should all be glad we either didn’t eat enough of it to kill us or that someone came along just in time with the antidote.

        Thanks for making me think – I didn’t mean to go on so long about it, though!

  43. Prayer only succeeds when you work hard to earn it.
    Immorality is excusable for preachers.
    Grace is conditional upon works.
    Walk the aisle to get right with God.
    Evil exists in objects themselves: wine, tvs, etc.
    Education must be local church based.
    Daily devotions make you holy.

  44. A- Atheists we hate them
    S- Sexual Perverts yep them too
    T- Tirades from the pulpit
    E- Evolutionists, yep
    R- Rapist, not our youth pastor thats the first baptist church thats kitty corner from us. Just so you know they stole our name we where here first.

  45. I thought it was an actual IFB thing until I got to the point about forced tithing. I doubt any IFB church would admit it was forced.

      1. In some churches you sign a leadership pledge or some other thing, saying that you’ll be loyal to the pastor and support the ministry with your tithes.

  46. D-Do as I say, not as I do
    A-Assume that those with differing views are damned
    I-Independent to the point of being unaccountable to anyone
    S-Sex is discouraged except for the pastor who can molest children and have affairs until finally exposed or arrested
    Y-You must work to prove that your faith is real (Catholics and Baptists aren’t that different–it’s just semantics)

  47. For the “Jacks” of IFB:

    Ridiculously

    Obsessive

    Self-centered

    Expression

    Or…..

    I’m

    Really

    Into

    Self

  48. S – Standards! God has (our) standards, and you’d better meet them!

    A – Alcohol! None for you! Don’t even go down that aisle in the grocery store.

    L – Love! Only for the MOG. If you do it right, there won’t be time for anyone else.

    T – Tithing! Give it up, or God will take it from you.

    C – Clothing! Make sure yours is modest, by whatever standards the MOG sets.

    E – Enthusiasm! Show it at all times, whether you feel it or not.

    D – Damnation! What everybody not in our church is going to suffer, eventually.

    A – Antagonism! What we have toward everybody who isn’t us.

    R – Rules! Boy, do we have them! Follow them all, even the ones that aren’t written down.

    1. Another appropriate plant choice. Salt Cedar posions the ground so that other plants can’t grow there.

      It’s also very poor habitat for wild animals. Land managers in the state parks and the wildlife sanctuaries here in south Texas are trying desperately to figure out how to get rid of it. It’s an imported invasive species, and very, very tough to eradicate.

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