Websites

FWOTW: The Center For Expository Preaching

89 Comments

Today’s website pick is the The Center For Expository Preaching a place where you can get a real Bible college doctorate from a real Bible college no matter what your education level. It’s got super-low tuition, no books to purchase, and apparently has graduated at least two people.

If you’re too lazy to actually learn Expository preaching, however, you can just buy outlines from their online store. I do have to wonder what makes the difference between a $4.00 sermon and the $12.00 variety. Is there a money-back guarantee if the altars aren’t full?

As tempting as all this is, Old PU is still a better deal. We’re even going to get a mascot soon.

89 thoughts on “FWOTW: The Center For Expository Preaching”

  2. Darn you, database error, but congratulations Crankenpants.

    Of course, I read this as “Suppository Preaching”. I’m guessing they are quite similar.

  3. Stinkin’ database errors…..

    I haven’t looked at the site yet, but my guess is “good” alliteration will cost a little more than just points.

  5. Sermon alliteration is a great tool, and this technique requires hard work and time, which is the reason why many will not use it. An alliterated sermon is easier to read, preach and listen to.

    Or just a good thesaurus and the desire to confuse.

    I preached Sunday night for my vacationing pastor. I think I prefer the un-illiterate approach. Alliteration isn’t really hard, unless you want the points to make sense and match Scripture.

    1. I know I put the html commands around only the first section. Is George playing with the database as well as my reply? Does he ever take an off day?

    2. Aha! Now we know the difference between the $4 sermons and the $12 sermons.
      The $12 articles have absolutely austounding amounts of amazing alliteration for amplification of their allusions.
      (Whew, I just wrote a $10 sentence there.)

        1. Rasslin’ Rusty the Revivalist and the Candy Crooners of Canaan, coming soon to the Independent Baptist Tabernacle near you.

    3. Alliterating a message requires knowledge of the alphabet, and knowing whether words start with “PH” or “F”.

      Just sayin’…

    1. I haven’t made this announcement yet but I’m moving SFL to some (hopefully) better servers this coming weekend.

      It will likely be an ordeal.

      1. That’s great! And I’m hoping to get a new computer soon which will be faster than this snail! Most of the time I don’t blame the servers (since it’s always slow) but my computer. But between a better server and a new computer I should be able to access the site a lot more easily! :mrgreen:

  7. America’s Most Unique School. Because America’s Most Unusual School would have been a copyright violation.

    Also: Fundies offering degrees in expository preaching? Is that like West Point offering degrees in peaceful conflict resolution?

  9. Dr. Wayne’s other site: http://sermonoutlines.org/

    My first thought viewing the Center site was that maybe Don or Gary had started a new line of business and put Poe to work. Especially when I saw that Rusty Rector was the dean. After very little research, it seems this Hinson guy is real.

    I guess anything for a buck……………

    1. love the application on the “free” sermon on his page. Thought dispensationalists were against equating Israel with the church? But lo and behold, in Exodus 32 Israel is compared to a “partying church.” “Their morals were gone, music had changed. If you want to change a church, change their morals and their music.”

      Amen brotha, that’s exactly the intended application of the golden calf story! 🙄

  11. they’re first graduate is also their english teacher!!! keep it in the family

    2. Came here to say this. Looks like they’re already following in the all-wise footsteps of leading fundie colleges by appointing their own non-accredited doctoral graduates as professors of more classes to give more non-accredited doctorates. Brilliant.

  12. I love the name “Rusty Rector”. It’d be a great nickname for some Episcopal priest. :mrgreen:

    I see where the estimable Dr. Hinson received his Master’s at Clarksville School of Theology, which the Tennessee state government closed down years ago and whose president, Roy Stewart, got PO’d when he could see that the handwriting was on the wall. “They use those stinking words, ‘Degree Mill!'” (That’s a direct quote from one of Clarksville’s old catalogues.)

  14. Wow, I love the part where they show you what your “Doctorate” will look like. I’m printing them off as we speak for myself (who wants an extra one? I’ve got lots!!!).

    I have a friend who has a real doctorate in geology and she said under no circumstances are we to call her doctor. Its only for presenting, papers, etc. versus my old fundy church where one guy had a honorary doctorate and he required EVERYONE to call him Dr. Ward. I asked him what he did his dissertation on as I was interested. He hummed and hawed and got real uncomfortable, then he stated it was honorary. Then, in my 16 year wisdom, I said: “so, its not a real one then, eh”? Apparently, that is not the thing to say. I got called on the carpet for that one, they said I was insubordinate and I should not be speaking to people that way. Honestly, if the guy was not such a d#ck, I would not have said anything, but the way he pranced around church, requiring everyone call him doctor”, was a touch of reality. 😀

      1. Our Rector is a graduate of Oxford. The only reason I know this is because my son asked him once where he studied. Otherwise he has never referred to it in the ten years we have known him.

        1. Then he is sufficiently educated to realize how much he doesn’t know! That shows great humility, but also great learning.

        2. I have no objection to someone who has worked for a doctorate using the title. For several reasons, one being that if your credit card has ‘doctor’ on it then a thief will have a harder time using it (I remember this happening to my father about 20 years ago, he has an Oxford PhD and uses the title). As long as it is from a proper college.

    2. “Hey little girl. Let’s sneak into the back room and close the door. It’s okay. I’m a doctor.”

      1. Maybe there’s a dissertation to be written on the relationship between the quality of the qualification and the self-promotion of the same.

    3. This degree is worth twice as much as other basement Bible college degrees because it prints on TWO pieces of paper! heh heh…

  15. Bwahahaha – the first course is “a refresher course on basic English,” then their “testimonials” section is full of grammatical errors and typos. They’re writing their own jokes!

    1. A course in English usage from a place that advertises itself as “America’s most unique school”?

      Oh, dear me. 😥

  16. I don’t know which is more sinful, the ego and pride of desiring an unearned “doctorate” just where you can feel important or being a money grubbing scam artist that sells this toilet paper of a diploma for $250.

  17. Yeah — how can a thing be “the most unique”? Either it is unique or it isn’t. Leave it to fundies to claim that “I’m more unique than you!”

  19. I’m still not sure if this is a Poe’s example or not. I mean, “Rusty Rector”?

    1. If Rusty Rector is anything like Rusty Warren 🙄 …look her up on you tube. Warning…not safe for work… 😳

  21. Read the first testimonial. Glad to see the Basic English course worked well for him….

    1. Yes, I saw it and laughed. Now, I have a stack of really artistic Bethel Evangelical Free Church certificates that would look really good on the wall. They’re printed on good card in two colours (green and blue) and were used in the Sunday School in the 1960s. Sadly I am unable to issue these without the permission of the Sunday School Superintendent and an independent examiner.

  23. “As tempting as all this is, Old PU is still a better deal. We’re even going to get a mascot soon.”

    I bet The Center For Expository Preaching doesn’t even have its own official butt cushion either. 😛

      1. I’d like to see a tortoise as the mascot of Old Paths U. Based on this this parody of “Onward Christian Soldiers,” I think it would fit rather well:

        “Like a mighty tortoise
        Moves the Church of God;
        Brothers, we are treading
        Where we’ve always trod…”

    2. I think the mascot for Old PU should be a skunk. It’s either black or white, no in between in Fundystan.

  24. This is from Matthew 17 and you don’t even have to pay me! 😆 (I am doing our taxes today so this passage was on my mind)

    I. The Heathen to be Paid.
    And when they were come to Capernaum, they that received tribute money came to Peter, and said, Doth not your master pay tribute?

    II. The Hook of Patience.
    Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up;

    III. The Halibut of Provision
    and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money:

    IV. The Happening of Payment
    that take, and give unto them for me and thee.

    Now for a verse of “Just As I Am”.

    If you do feel moved you can donate to my favorite charity: ME!

    2. That was impressive, dual alliteration matched to in context verses. Point 3 was my favorite.

  26. 1. Why have a link to the bookstore when there are no books to buy?

    2. What is wrong with this picture. On their testimony page, Shaun Evans has a Master of Theology and he is prepping for his sermon by using a search engine?

    3. Dr. Knapp needs to retake the basic English course.

    4. Brad…You don’t forward an education, you further it. Again, retake your basic English course. Oh never mind, you’re the teacher of the course.

  27. Do you think I could audit this class for about ten bucks?

    5) Alliteration 405 – Doctorate Study
    A unique and thorough concept for adapting to alliteration

  28. I found it interesting that you have to subscribe to KJV onlyism in the application, when on the main page they pretty much paraphrase a KJV verse. I thought that was illegal?

    1. KJV-only pastors are ALWAYS paraphrasing verses. They’ll read it, then explain what it REALLY means.

      Or they could just read it in another version. 🙄

  29. Was looking at their beliefs, and the whole thing on marriage – why didn’t Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon have to follow the Genesis rule about having 1 wife? Since this is what is quoted when the discussion of same gender marriage comes up?

  31. From the “testimonials” page:

    “Administrator’s note: Brother AJ came to our school already holding a PhD in child psychology, and was a children’s Psychologist at the hospital in Pennsacola Florida, but was amazed at quality of CFEBP’s courses.”

    Oh dear. Amazed can take on many meanings. I’m amazed that anyone would actually spend money on this drivel.

    1. “Brother” AJ must not have graduated, or he’d be “Dr” AJ. Oh, wait, you say he already should be “Dr” because he has a “real” PhD? Nah, them titles from Devil U don’t mean nothing and are just used to feed men’s pride, dontcha know? Ours have REAL meaning – in Heaven, even God will call you “Dr”.

      OK, got a little carried away there… 😳

  32. That website makes alliteration sound like a spiritual gift is it related to speaking in tongues? Must have missed that passage where Paul exhorts Timothy to make the main points memorably mundane.

    Appalling how SFL Shamelessly self-aggrandizes promotional material for its University. This mascot better be benchmark quality if you want that 6 mill…. oh, wait. Had you confused with someone else for a moment. Carry on.

  33. I’m afraid that george got to this site before us.

    Obviously this site is not about “Expository” preaching it is about “Suppository” preaching.

    Their list of courses are Preparations A-G….
    That way every sermon that is preached after graduation will be full of Preparation H.

  34. Darrell! Doooood! Thank you! You’ve solved a mystery for me: Every time I turn around, another one of these red-tied youngsters whose vocabularies consist soley of alliterated interjections and verbs that end in “eth” have a pretty new “Dr.” stuck to the front of their name. You’ve discovered the rabbit hole…

    Per-shee-ate it. Sorta… 😐

  35. From the entrance application– “I agree to submit all my homework to CFEBP in KJV format only.” Shouldn’t that read “Yea, verily, I pledgeth that the fruits of my labor shall be submitted unto thee only in the tongue of King James”?

  36. $250 doctorate degrees… Wow, what a gold mine this organization is. I wonder if the bible verse graduation cake is included in that price.

  37. That first testimonial should send all potential applicants fleeing to the hills. This is a graduate they want to put forward to promote the school? They graduated him with honours? Back in the day we would not have let him graduate from the junior class to the senior in Sunday School!

  39. *snicker*
    from their statement of faith:

    We believe that any form of , ism, , , incest, fornication, adultery, and ography are sinful perversions of God’s gift of sex.

    (sic)
    Soooo…
    -racism is the sinful perversion of God’s gift of sex?
    -photography is the sinful perversion of God’s gift of sex too?
    topography? Metabolism? Creationism? Oceanography?

    I mean, Who knew? I’m going to go read some bioraphy while listening to some discography and practice some capitalism. Ooooo, I’m so bad.

  40. Since I preach verse by verse exposition, and use alliterated points (only where they conform to the Bible), if I send them my tapes, I wonder if I would get a discount. LOL. But they must be Calvinistic 🙄 When I have preached in churches that were of the easy-believeism, and topical message variety, I always was asked if I was a Calvinist. Must be the emphasis on the sovereignty of God and repentance in salvation 😀

  41. “Dr.” Hinson is the author of “Word of Alliteration.” Even I, a mere layman and uneducated Bible teacher, realize that the title should be “Aims of Alliteration,” or “The Altar of Alliteration,” or “Amassing Alliterated Answers.”

Comments are closed.