Church Services, king james version

KJB Celebration!

200 Comments

I feature these conference posters from time to time because it’s always interesting to see the lines of the various fundy camps blur together. Here we have the Sword of the Lord contingent led by Shelton Smith (who is heavily supported by and supports “moderate” fundies like Pensacola Christian College) sharing the platform with “über fundies” like Bob Gray at a church pastored by a Hyles man, Jeff Fugate.

As much as places like PCC would like to pretend that they’re far away from the screaming fundy crowd, the lunatic fringe of fundyland is just never quite as far away from them as they would like to pretend.

thanks to mounty for passing this one along

200 thoughts on “KJB Celebration!”

  2. Oh boy, that sounds like tons of fun! Too bad it’s already almost over. 😆

  4. I’m a touch surprised to see these guys smiling. Except for Hamblin, who looks like he’s trying to give the camera the “You are getting sleeeepy” look.

    2. Looks more like something out of a game of nice cop/nasty cop to me.

      I’m not sure if he thinks he’s being nice or nasty.

    3. I do not know Hamblin but his picture creeps me out. I can’t put my finger on why, but it just does…eww. 😯

      2. I’ve said it before, he looks like he is doing the one cheek sneak. (aka leaning to one side to let a fart sneak out.)

    5. I don’t think Hambone made it to this KJB lovefest. He is in FL preaching a revival at Bankrupt Baptist for Tom Neal. 🙄

      2. He is so “important” he probably went to both…A church can keep a pastor who was caught secretly videotaping women while they were changing their clothing, abuse anyone who disagrees, and run the church into financial ruin while buying expensive stuff for himself and his family – but John Hamlin will still be happy to come preach for them cause he obviously has very low moral standards.

        But his wife doesn’t wear pants and he only uses the KJV – and we know that is all that really matters anyway. 🙄

        These guys are a joke. A sad one.

    1. P.S. My son is a minister, right around the corner from here. he (and his church) are not attending either!! You know, because he is one of those liberal Baptists….

        1. Yes! He is, right now, at his checkup with his leukemia doctor! He is doing GREAT, but I always get a little antsy on checkup days. So, yep, would love some prayer support for him today! You ROCK, Sims!

        2. I actually feel pretty certain that at least some of these guys would say that his leukemia is explained by his being a liberal Baptist… 🙄

        3. Yes, we can pray that evil leukemia away all day long, but as long as he persists in his liberal Baptist ways he will never be fully delivered. Maybe he could go visit the conference and see one of THOSE doctors… You know, those non-real ones. 😉

        4. If getting sick or dying is caused by doctrinal errors, then how do they explain it when people they agree with and like get sick or die?
          We all get sick, and eventually die, you know.

        5. OFF-TOPIC BUT I DON’T CARE: Just got phone call from son; all blood work NORMAL and everything is GREAT! My world just took on an even rosier hue. Thank You, Lord. 😀

  6. You know it’s authentic because of the faux calligraphy typeface they used. For only the capital letters, that is.

    SFL: basing their Christian fellowship not in the Gospel, which is truly universal, but in one translation (out of dozens) of the Scriptures into one language (out of thousands). This is definitely something my Christian brothers in China can get behind, right? …right?

  8. With all those “Doctors” I’m not sure I could keep up with their material. Probably over my head.

  10. What exactly does one say about the KJV for 4 whole days? And what are the breakout sessions titled?

    1. Breakout session 1: “Trousers on women: I can prove it from the KJV.”
      Breakout session 2: “The perversion of godly lyrics with Satan’s beat.”

    2. Breakout session 3: How the KJV corrects the Greek
      Breakout session 4: Proof that Jesus spoke in 17th century English

    4. Breakout session 7: Even a third-grader can understand the KJV, but you still need your man-o-gid to tell you what it REALLY means.

    5. Breakout session 8: The bitterness of internet blogs
      Breakout session 9: A Biblical guide to trolling

    6. Breakout session 10: The Horns of the Altar 1, The Altar call in the Old Testament

      Breakout session 11: The Horns of the Altar 2, How to make your Altar Calls more successful

      1. I am strangely interested in the breakout session about the horns of the altar being related to an altar call.. wasn’t Joab clinging to the horns of the altar when they came to execute him? Makes for a GREAT altar call, I guess…. 😉

        1. You know Fundies… Given the “hard sayings” that are found in the King Jimmy version they can make any verse say what they want it to say. The first rule of fundie hermeneutics is to establish your points and then find scripture to fit.

        2. In light of your observation then the fundie answer is, “come to the altar and die to self.”
          Oh, if I had the time I would give that class right here and do a proper altar call. 😯 😉

        4. @Don – that whole ‘die to self’ teaching isn’t even in the Bible. What it specifically says is ‘die to sin’ and ‘denying ourselves’. How many times I’ve heard fundy preachers try to use Paul’s exclamation that ‘I die daily’ to mean ‘die to self’. Paul was talking about his life being in danger every day. Note: This is not a criticism of your comment.

        5. @fundynomore- none taken 😉
          But in the, “little country, independent, fundamental AV 1611-blessed/inspired/infallible/inerrant/perfectly preserved King James Bible only, sin hatin, devil fightin’, missions minded, tract givin’, Jesus lovin’, standards keepin’, Baptist churches” found around here… that is called good preachin’! Hey-men? Sore toes will stir the soul hey-men? Hey-Men! From God’s mouth to your ears by God’s hand-picked conduit, Dr. Preachum N. Guilty.

          Doctrine? We don’ need no stinkin’ doctrine! We have a pastor to set us straight on doctrine. he-y-yy-men!

        1. I think there is a math professor who has signed up to teach that session. All he has required is a chair and a desk to sit behind… I hear that his handi-work comes at a stiff price however.

    7. Now, boymom! You know that approximately 80%-110% of what is said at this conference would probably have nothing to do with either the conference title or the individual breakout sessions.

      Unless the conference title is “Stuff That I Don’t Like, And A Few Things That I Do”, I have this feeling that much of this might not end up being on topic.

    8. Substitute Breakout–Proof that “breeches to cover their nakedness” in Exodus 28 is really britches [pants], not undergarments. And the way we know women aren’t supposed to wear them is because only men were priests, and God commanded them to wear linen breeches. (Actually heard in a sermon)

        2. Scorpio-

          When I was in labor for the first time, my anesthesiologist used that as a joke.

          I was soo not laughing at the time, but find it funny now.

        1. No, no, keep it open! I would love to see a fic by a Dr. Who fan with more direct experience of these conferences. Imagine any of the Doctors, or Romana for that matter–or Sarah Jane!–wandering around a We’re Cool, Rah Rah Rah, Everybody Else Sucks, Pig Ignorant and Proud Of It IFBx conference. 500 straight men all in one place. 😀

    1. Well, what I find sad/funny about that hovertext is, there WAS a time when I thought that would be a really great thing to do: get screamed at by the “big names.” Yeah, so big that none of the Lexington news stations had a thing about it on their coverage this week… 🙄

  13. Apparently celebrating King James is much better than actually celebrating a risen Savior. Emphasizing the wallpaper of the house not the foundation.

    1. This!

      It’s been shocking for me to realize that when I evaluate the preaching I heard growing up, I heard more about standards and the KJV than about Jesus Himself.

      So now, while people like the preachers in this conference might malign me or call me backslidden or liberal, I will persist in focusing on Christ and His Gospel.

      1. I took my daughter (20) to a Bible Church last Sunday. NIV and all. I encouraged her to get out of fundy land. She wasn’t sure about it and neither was I. After a few minutes I saw Christ exhalted in music & word and it was soooo refreshing. This was a huge step for myself, a recovering pharasee.

        1. Good for you and your daughter, Fred. It is like a breath of fresh air to visit other churches! Keep doing it! 😀

        2. For so long, I believed that all those outside the IFB compromised Scripture and essentially denied Christ. I also really thought that CCM was shallow and worldly. I’ve learned differently and it’s been a joy to find that I can have fellowship in Christ with more people than I ever thought! Jesus is the answer. When people are right about Him, I can overlook minor differences and focus on the essential Gospel, not on standards and preferences.

    2. Ah the King James Bible… the fourth member of the trinity according to fundie apologists.

      yeah math was never the fundie’s strong suit. ie.
      “You say 11 came to the altar?
      How many raised their hands?
      22?
      Well then you can report that forty got saved.”

      …unless we are talking about money.
      “I appreciate this love offering of $57.39. The Lord is good, but don’tcha just hate odd numbers? How about passing the plate again and this time gett off of those ones and your pocket change. Give sacrifically, what are you holding onto that twenty for anyways? you’ll just spend it on yourself. Spend it on the Man of gawd, give to the work of the Lord. It takes money to be out on the road as a traveling evangelist. Times are tough but if you were blessed by the preaching this week then you want to make sure that this man can get to his next booking and bless those people as well (with the same set of sermons) Hey-men? Now reach down and don’t give til it hurts give till it feels good. We want Brother Dr. Whopper-story-tellin evangelist to come back here next year fon’t we? Then let’s let him know how much we love him. As we sing “Victory In Jesus” ushers pass the plates once again.
      (singing)
      What did we get this time? $109… well I tell you what we’ll just take it out of the missions budget and make it an even $500 how about that? Any opposed? Ok, then that’s what we’ll do. We love you Brother Dr. Whopper and we want you back with us next year. You have been such a blessing. Those sermons on the undershepard and the High Calling of the Man of Gawd were just what was needed around here this week. I know I was fed. Hey-Men? Hey-men!
      Are all hearts clear? Then Brother, you and your wife go and stand back there at the door. I want everybody to go by and tell Brother Dr. Whopper how much you love him and appreciate him. Tell him what a blessing he has been this week.
      Brother Piousmoneybags you dismiss us in prayer.

      1. Take it out of the missions fund was my old Mog’s answer for any budget shortfall. He even was paying staff members out of the missions offering at one point. We had to cut our support to our missionaries for a long time due to the Mog’s inability to keep his grubby paws off the money.

        1. Our pastor would take up an offering for any evangelist or missionary visiting. He would encourage us to “give till it hurts” or “give out of the fullness that you have been given”. But his standard gift to the guest was always $200. The rest of the money always went into the “missions/ slush fund” hmmm.

        2. MK, that’s just plain unethical.

          One of the things I was most grateful for in the fundy church I grew up in was that budgets, business meetings, etc. were always very straightforward – everything was in the open and you had complete confidence that if you gave for something, that’s what it went to.

      2. Don, you know that there are only 3 in the trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the King James Bible.

  14. *shudder* I’ve already heard over half that group preach this year… I wonder if I had went to this how many second helpings I would have gotten? “Sa-a-a-y… Didn’t you preach that same sermon at SOTL earlier this year?”

    “…hope you found John Chapter 4. That is, IF you got a fully inspired Bible. If
    your’s is not fully inspired then sit on it so nobody’ll know you got a bad Bible. If you got one that’s fully inspired, forever pereserved, and flawlessly perfect I want to read some out of it.”

    1. Don, you have already gone waaaaay more than the second mile on in-person research on this. Please do not subject yourself to more abuse. We fear for your safety.

      1. I do wish I lived close enough to go. I would take along a couple friends and we would probably get ourselves kicked out or arrested.

        1. Okay, if YOU were here, I would attend with YOU. Otherwise, no. There are people there who wonder why I will not 🙄 darken their doors. Plus, get this: Jorgensen is the prez of their Basement bible College. Yes.

        4. bwahahaha… Elizabeth Brown must be an in-law or someone’s fiance. She is the only female that is not related to a male faculty member.

        5. Thing is, I *would* have fun, going with you. We would go in JEANS and really nice expensive sweaters, and we would act pious, give big money at offering time, smile and be friendly, and really totally confuse them.

        6. Now and then, a woman here in my little town, whom my late husband pastored, comes to me to rebuke me for not going to church there. She reminds me that Jorgensen knows I am here, and is hurt by my absence. Knowing him, I very much doubt any of that is true. He was my boss when I was on faculty at HAC, and he is not one to give a rat’s patootie about who does and does not like him. Also, he was vociferous in his support of Joe Combs during Combs’ trial, and made the trip to be in the courtroom for him. That makes me gag. 🙄

        7. P.S. The college is in an old motel building. Sims! Remember Balmoral??? Where the guys had to live, our freshman year???

        10. He gave me demerits for being in a car with a guy after I got left on a corner in Chicago all day in a blizzard and Ray drove up to rescue us. (Two girls, one guy) His demerit system was a JOKE!

        12. A college that gives you demerits for getting a ride home instead of freezing to death? Who wouldn’t want to go there?

          Seriously, if I lived nearby I’d go to this “Celebration” with y’all. But only if we all wore shorts and tank tops.

        13. From the Institutional Distinctives on Commonwealth’s site,
          7. Commonwealth Baptist College is old-fashioned. We have a dress code, and we believe in discipline. Absolutely no drinking, smoking, dancing, card-playing, movie-going or other questionable activities are allowed. We take a strong stand against modernism and apostasy. 🙄
          Yep, a good time had by all 😈

        14. I get your thinking, BG, but my thinking was, this is horse country. There is so much wealth in the “one percent” of Lexington. If we went looking ungodly yet loaded with money, it would be interesting to see how they would react. 😉

        15. OMG!!!! The Bible College application asks if you have seen a movie in the last three years, and explain. Sorry but this is the funniest thing I’ve read since the PCC handbook.

          These people are CRAZY. 😯 😯

        16. On the website Under Administration is Dr. Russell Anderson. It says, “His giving to missions has directly led to the salvation of over twelve million souls, all of whose names and salvation date are recorded by Dr. Anderson’s staff.” Ok, could we see that list please? And really who puts that in writing unless there’s been questions raised in the past over you bragging about it!

        18. The health history asks if there is a history of venereal disease, then a bit further down want to know if treated for any STD. Don’t they know the medical community has used the term VD for a long time – goes with the whole old fashion thing.

        20. “3. The King James Version is the only English-language Bible that is used in our classes and allowed on campus. ”

          Oh really? What happens if I bring an NIV on campus? Do the ninjas jump out of the bushes and cut my head off?

        21. DrFundyP- not exactly.

          Actually, they shoot you in the head with an AC/DC CD (QED) and then stage an accident with your car, then claiming they came upon the accident and heard “Hightway to Hell” being played at full volume. The saw the NIV lying in the passenger seat and voila’ a fundy cause/effect sermon illustration is born. Obviously the NIV demons conspired with the demons on the CD to deliver you to satan for your sin of heresy against the King James Bible.

          Let that be a lesson to you all! Get right with gid! Burn your demonic perversions and join me here at this altar! Repent! Repent of your wicked stand against the inspired, inerrent, infallible, perfectly preserved, AV 1611 king James Bible. Do not greive the King James! Repent, run to this altar and get right with gid! The King James is the Living word of gid! All other perversions are lies and filled with demons that will cause you to err from the truth and become apostate! You will be counted as those who are part of the great falling away just prior to the Rapture! Get right or get left! Hey-men? Hey-men!

        22. If you show up with an NIV, you will likely be accosted by fundy ninjas carrying student-gummint issue M-1611s.

      1. Um, in my dark days at HAC? We thought BJU was moderate/liberal compared to us. I mean, they were were elitist weird, to us. PCC was not even on our radar.

      2. Sounds like an interesting advertisement for PCC:

        “Pensacola Christian College: We’re not as crazy as Hyles-Anderson College”

  17. These guys preach all year ’round, and some of them have for decades. Makes me shudder to think of the account that these “men of god” will have to give for every useless word they spoke.

  18. Ouellette is from the West Coast camp, so there’s that… he claimed to “separate” from the Hyles camp years ago. But then again, he claims to not be “KJV-only,” just “only KJV” … … 🙄

      1. Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People’s Front?
        Reg: F*** off! We’re the People’s Front of Judea

    2. Funny how an “only KJV” feels the need to separate from a “KJVO” – only in fundyland!

    3. The 2 things that each of these men have in common, as far as camps, is that they are all accepted (re-accepted in Gray’s case) by the SotL, and that they have each publicly come out against Schaap’s stand on the good ol’ kjv

    4. Oulette may claim to not be KJVO, but his “sermons” beg to differ. Then there is his poorly researched book, A More Sure Word: Which Bible Can You Trust? I haven’t actually read it, just heard him read some excerpts from it as he announced its availability on the back table after the service. I would like to read and critique it properly, but refuse to spend money on a copy.

  19. Don has inspired me to change my moniker to Brother Dr. Whopper, but I would like to modify it slightly to Brutha Doctah Whoppah…that is if Don would not be offended.

  20. Nothing wrong with “celebrating” a great translation, and there are indeed “bad bibles” out there, but….really?

    Surprised R.B. Oulette will be seen with some of those guys
    (but that’s the point of Darrells comments isn’t it?…..)

    1. I know that I would love to celebrate the KJV – it’s a powerful, beautiful, and historic translation – but most of those honoring it are coming from a KJV-only position which I do not share.

    2. Sure, nothing wrong with celebrating, but for 4 whole days? The whole 400 yr. history of the KJV could be summed up in 4 hours, maybe.

    1. Well, they had to go pick it up from their friend’s Bible kawledge, does that count?

  22. I was in a service recently where some students from the Commonwealth College were attending. Their reward for paying such close attention (from the 1st 2 rows) to the guest speaker was a trip to Dairy Queen for an ice cream cone. They all jumped up and clapped! I kid you not! My heart was honestly very saddened for them. 😥

    1. o.0

      The purposeful infantalization of young adults does not help prepare mature Christians, although it may train them to be unquestioning supporters of the local MOG.

    2. Gross as that name for her is, i nevertheless see that the Rib has managed to get her breakfast made and served to her. I always hope that some of these “powerful” mogs have a real b&@$* in the background, cracking the whip. I know, I AM mean and ornery. But it is lovely to think about the mouse, roaring, and the worm, turning…

  24. I showed this to my never-fundy better half, she said, “Are women allowed to go?”
    When you look at the ad – it’s not exactly inclusive, is it?

    1. Of course there will be women there. Who do you think is going to serve the meals, sell copies of these blowhards’ books, and do all the cleaning up afterward? 🙄

  25. Don’t see how any of them can possibly have real “earned” degrees of any value. A KJB only position is extremely ignorant. . .but then so are a lot of other fundy positions. 🙄

    1. I love it when it says “Your comment is awaiting moderation.” Sounds like my gradual slide into the occasional adult beverage after exhausting the study on wine…I was subconsciously awaiting moderation and didn’t know it.

      1. BDW, I like! It looks good on you, you wear it well. We need to print you out a Dr. Diploma from the SFL sheepshin factory. “We do hereby confer on Brutha Whoppah the Title of Doctah entitled to all rights and honors pertaining thereunto.”

  27. My son (16 at the time) was at a pretty fundy camp last summer. (The sponsoring pastor has been discussed on SFL. I was helping out at the camp, but missed this particular conversation. Probably good, since I have friends there). A discussion about the 1611 and it’s “re-inspiration” came up. When he pointed out that we don’t use the 1611 but the 1769 translation, the leader stopped the conversation and wouldn’t let the kids discuss it anymore. I guess if you can’t win the debate, stop it.

  30. From Dr. Gray’s blog

    I was up at 2 am, showered, dressed, had my quiet time, and finished packing for my trip to Dodge City, KS.   I drove to Shreveport, LA, and caught a 6 am flight for DFW, on to Denver, and then a Great Lakes Airlines flight to Dodge City.  I will  be preaching tonight at 7, Saturday at 7, and both Sunday morning and night at the BIBLE BAPTIST CHURCH of Dodge City. 

    NOPE, I’ve not met Matt Dillon yet. I think I saw the LONGBRANCH, but I didn’t go in. I am however staying at THE DODGE HOUSE. Pastor Albert Schrock has been pastoring here for seven years. He is a former Amish member who trusted Christ and ended up being called into the ministry and was trained at Hyles-Anderson College under Dr. Jack Hyles.

    Please make plans to attend!

    A shot was heard around the fundamental world when at a national conference it was declared that the King James Bible supporters who believe it has preserved inspiration are ignorant and if not ignorant should lie to the layman while knowing the truth. Then we were told by the same people that there are 22,000 mistakes in the King James Bible. Apparently God is unable to preserve the words as well as the inspiration of his word for the English speaking people. 

    When the California head of the MASTER’S COLLEGE  said and penned the thought that the blood of Jesus Christ dissipated at the foot of Calvary and only the death of Jesus saves the fundamental world was outraged. 

    However, when it is one of ours that says the King James Bible was “hammered out by the sweat and labor of those at Hampton Court like a mother giving birth” and only the originals contain “inspiration” we are to roll over and pull the covers over our heads while going back to sleep. I THINK NOT!

    This KING JAMES BIBLE CONFERENCE is crucial and essential to the future of the cause of Christ. Satan has risen his ugly head again and the attack is not new, but it is being disguised and covered with the cloak of  loyalty to an institution of which Dr. Jack Hyles warned us. Dr. Hyles thundered and even called the name of Professor Stewart Custer of Bob Jones University for such heretical statements. If Dr. Hyles were alive and this were being taught at Hyles-Anderson College the whole lot would be fired. I am not putting words in the mouth of Dr. Hyles for this is exactly what he said and wrote. Dr. Hyles would not even sign an NIV Bible! 

    I hope to see you at the KING JAMES BIBLE CONFERENCE in Lexington, KY. Please take time and come hear clear and concise teaching and preaching on our precious SCRIPTURES. GOTTA LOVE THE KING JAMES BIBLE!

    1. That was quite incoherent. I would have had to read it several times to figure out what he was trying to say. I do not have the inner fortitude to do that this morning, so I will just miss out on whatever wisdom he was trying to pass along. My loss I guess.

      1. I didn’t find it incoherent; just wrong in more ways than I want to take the trouble to count.

        1. I’m trying to imagine the guy who went from being Amish to HAC and the culture shock he experienced there. I am sure that at one point he wrote home and told his family, “We thought we were behind the times back on the farm… you will never believe what it is like HERE.”

        2. You know, Sims, my first bus division leader went from HAC to being a Mennonite. He had gotten caught uo in that holiness movement, our junior year–do you remember that, when JH came out especially to deal with what Romans 6 and 7 really said? (talk about the blind leading…). ANYWAY, he never got free of that, and the next ime i saw him, i was teaching on the East Coast, and he and hi showed up for a conference, in the black-garbed brimmed-hat regalia.
          HAC: so much can be laid at its door.

        3. What was his name? Roger Castile? Married Belinda? I think I remember most of the bus division leaders from back then… But not sure who was yours.

        4. Was that when someone (maybe Denny Kenneston) got up in chapel and said, “I haven’t sinned in 3 days…”

        6. Right after that chapel, one of Ray’s roommates was in the men’s room and was talking to someone else about that chapel service, and there was someone in one of the stalls who turned them in for talking about it and they got kicked out of school. You know, the longer I am here and the more stuff I remember, the more I just shake my head at the absolute absurdity of it all. It makes me wonder if I might be damaged beyond repair.

        7. Sims, we are both crazy, but we were when we got there. You are certainly not damaged beyond repair!

        8. Well, I haven’t sinned in the last three minutes. Whoops, that was pride, wasn’t it? Dang, I just blew my streak. 😥

        9. Big Gary, Sims and I are trying to keep things going all by ourselves here, but it is tough. We find the forums complicated to negotiate, and vastly prefer it right here, but it feels like a vast, empty, echoing cavern. 😉 Signing off for a few hours, to go Do Other Stuff. You keep from sinning till i get back now, hear?

        1. I have been at church all day (Yes, I *am* holier than thou) so I haven’t had a chance to look. Let me guess… Is it Denny? Ohhh I can’t wait till hubby leaves so I can click on it. (my guilty little secret… he hates when I listen to the sermons but I do it anyway)

    3. “When the California head of the MASTER’S COLLEGE said and penned the thought that the blood of Jesus Christ dissipated at the foot of Calvary and only the death of Jesus saves the fundamental world was outraged.”

      That is NOT what MacArthur believed then or now. Fundies continue to misrepresent his position, no matter how many times MacArthur and others clarify it.

      MacArthur believes the blood alone did not save, for if it did Christ could have merely pricked his finger to atone for the sins of mankind. Christ’s bloody death was the requirement. It is not the intrinsic qualities of his blood, but his perfect Person who had lived a perfectly sinless life.

      Gray is willfully ignorant.

      1. I have actually heard one of these intellectual giants preach that Jesus never lost bled a drop of blood until he went to the Cross… then he backtracked said the Garden of Gethsemane. But never in his life did Jesus scrape himself, fall down and skin his knee or anything because his blood was so precious and it was only going to be used for our atonement.

        I think too slowly but I later I thought, “What about his umbilical chord?”

        When these performers get up on stage and turn it on the performance means more to them than the substance. God help them when they give an accounting for the crap they have told and stuff they have just plain made up in order to prove their point.

      2. Magic blood…..how very………pagan……..Metaphore, please!
        We needed to see blood, not God, us. He loved us enough to let us have it.

  31. It’s where he puts notches on his belt about how many souls he saves. Was even proud he got 4 people to answer the call to be am usher! Praise God!

  33. Even more insanity from Bob Gray’s Solve Church Problems blog:

    The KING JAMES BIBLE CONFERENCE went great at the CLAYS MILL ROAD BAPTIST CHURCH of Lexington, KY. I would urge you to order the set of CD’s from the conference. I believe they will be informative and helpful. Satan’s devices are not new and certainly those who live in the Scriptures are not ignorant of those devices. In that conference I made some comparisons of human events to the attacks made on the Scriptures that are interesting.

    1860-The first perversion was published
    1861-The civil war began

    1914-The World Bible Society adopted the NASB as Scripture
    1915-WWI began

    1927-William Heronias said the RSV were the correct & exact words of Christ
    1929-The Stock Market crashed

    1940-The TEV is accepted by the Social Ministerial Association
    1941-Pearl Harbor was attacked & WWII started

    1960-American Council of Churches accepted and promoted the NRSV as the word of God
    1962-Prayer was banned from the public schools

    1971-The NIV was widely used and accepted by every major denomination
    1972-The death penalty was voted as unconstitutional

    1988-The KING JAMES BIBLE defenders came to the forefront
    1989-Communism in Europe fell

    2008-The largest church in fundamentalism said our English Bible was not inspired
    2008-The USA began a spending spree to put America 15 trillion dollars in debt and almost bankrupt

    GOTTA LOVE THE KING JAMES BIBLE!

    1. I guess from 1611 to 1860, the world was a peaceful place? Since the KJV was translated in England, was there another translation we don’t know about in the 1770’s that caused the rebellion against them?

      1. Just when I think I have seen it all… this jack ass is implying that world disasters are correlated to other translations than the KJV being published????? How does this make our Lord feel, that this one TRANSLATION, for pete’s sakes, is such an IDOL???? This turned my stomach. 👿 😯 😥

        1. Wait, I’m sorry, the DEATH PENALTY vote??? THE DEATH PENALTY VOTE??? Screaming and pulling out my hair….

        2. Yep the IFB idol. The A.V. 1611 King James, perfectly inspired, perfectly, infallible, perfectly inerrant, perfectly preserved, living word of god, blessed, blood bought, blood washed, blood stained, banner of truth, Holy Bible.

          I love the King James. It is how I memorized verses growing up and to this day when I want to look something up I use the KJV to find it, but I use more current versions to get to the depth of the meaning on a passage.

          These guys worship the King James translation above the one who inspired the original texts. their logic says that the KJB is the living word of God. No, the living Word of God is Jesus Christ. The Bible is the word of God revealed to mankind so that we may know the living Word of God but the Bible is not Jesus Christ. Yet to hear these KJB apologists tell it The KJB is to be worshipped above the God it reveals. That is idolatry, blasphemy and heresy of the first order.

        3. I, too, love the King James. I also memorized from it, and still recall from it, when a verse springs to mind. I also love the language in Shakespeare’s plays, but I do not think that is the only way to speak… Also, if there is a death bed scene for me, I want the Twenty-Third Psalm in the KJV read to me, please, as I do love the beauty of it in that version! But to idolize a translation in this way is so repugnant to me that I could just spit, and I am not a spitter. Even in my HAC days, JH at that time was NOT a KJV-only freak, the way he later became. So, reading this crap still astonished me, and that is an understatement… 😥 👿 😯 😯

        4. This is quite silly. I feel like maybe someone ought to take away his computer access. Is this what he calls “research?” I think I could do this within my life.
          April 2 – left laundry on the floor
          April 3 – bumped my head on the cupboard door

          May 4 – Didn’t make the bed
          May 5 – Got a little blister on the inside of my foot from a new shoe

          June 9 – forgot to run the dishwasher
          June 10 – Got a pimple on my nose.

          Conclusion: God REALLY wants me to keep up with the housework!!!

        5. SIMS! You have just made this FUN! I want to play:

          November 15: Grumbled about unpleasant chore
          November 16: Stuffy nose at bed time

          November 17: Grumbled again about same unpleasant chore
          November 18: Dog peedled on the way to going OUTSIDE TO PEEDLE

          November 19: Grumbled again about SAME UNPLEASANT CHORE!
          November 19: Bob Gray the Idiot’s blog post was put on SFL by Uncle Wilver

          LESSON LEARNED: My REPETITION of the sin of grumbling is magically tied to Uncle Wilver and his motivation to post fundy stuff.
          ( 😉 for Uncle Wilver)

        6. We actually have a book that ties every major calamaty (the ones they count anyway) in America to a decision or action that in some way harms Israel. It is very interesting reading, but a little voice in the back of my head says, “With ALL the calamities in America on a regular basis, and ALLL the decisions we have made lately that adversely affect Israel, it might not be too difficult to draw conclusions that very possibly may not be there.” However, that being said, I DO believe we should be nice to Israel.
          This guy looks like he is trying to do the same thing here with his idol, but he fails miserably.

      2. Besides the whole thrust of this being insane, a lot of the “facts” he cites here are inaccurate.

    2. and grieve not the Holy KJB of god whereby all good things come to America.
      Baptist Book of Majik 6:66

      1. You know, every now and then, some fundy does something that staggers me SO MUCH that I actually get the wind knocked out of me. This did it for me today. I am going to immerse myself in a good children’s book right now, and think happy thoughts… grrrumbling all the way to the book shelves…. 👿

        1. I wish I could read a good children’s book. Instead, I’m removing malware and a virus from the desktop. Probably because my daily Bible reading is from the NASB this time through. Last time was ESV. The time before that, KJV. Next will likely be NKJV. I must be a glutton for punishment and a slow learner.

        2. UNCLE WILVER! Are you INSANE? You may be bringing horrific disaster on all of us at ANY MOMENT! (looking fearfully at sky)…

          P.S. Love the NLT this year. I love using the One Year Bible in a different version each year, for comparison. No doubt this is why my allergies are acting up this fall… 😉

        3. I grew up with the KJV and love its beauty and familiarity; our churches uses the ESV, but I really enjoy reading the NLT on my own.

          And Uncle Wilver, I’m gonna be cleaning my house all morning annoyed that people believe that sort of stuff.

      2. And then there is the “since the Bible is the word of God, and John 1 says ‘in the beginning was the Word’, then the Bible is Jesus” camp. I actually had this conversation with one of my siblings.

        1. *groan*
          It’s been said that Religion in America is 2000 miles wide but only a half inch deep. The passive pew lecture series is producing spiritual atrophy. Christians have willingly given up their ability to think for the comfort of being told what to think rather than how to think.

        2. Hope you don’t mind Don, I just copied that comment onto my facebook page. Too late now if you do mind. It was very insightful. Just the sort of thing I like to steal for my friends’ enjoyment. So thank you. 🙂

        3. I would have done it, too, Don, but I needed someone to tell me what to think about it, first. 😉

          Seriously? I remember visiting pastors/principals who had come to HAC to interview graduating seniors about the possibility of hiring said graduates. These men became really annoyed that the seniors would not make a commitment until they had “asked Brother Hyles.” I especially remember one who is still my friend to this day, getting irate and asking me later, “Were ANY of them allowed to ask THE LORD what HE thought???”

        4. Confession time: Before I got married I made an appointment to ask “Brother Hyles” whether or not I ought to get married. I don’t know what I was expecting, really. He didn’t know me OR Ray and gave me exactly five minutes of “counselling” time before he gave his stamp of approval. But once I got the green light I was good to go. Ray skipped HIS appointment, he said that if it was ok for ME to marry HIM then it must be ok for HIM to marry me too. 🙄

        5. Oh, hahaha, good for Ray! I asked him whether or not to go teach where I eventually did go, I asked him whether or not to marry my husband, blah blah blah, but the creme de la creme was the time I asked him why I could no longer bring the African American bus kids to church on my bus. I got scooted out that door so fast I never got a chance to see the secret curtain… sigh.

        6. I saw the secret curtain. It was funny. When I went in HE sat in the chair next to the curtain and had ME sit in the seat across from his desk. I thought it was funny. Now I think he didn’t want me to accidentally pull it back or impulsively look behind it (if it had occured to me I might have) Or maybe it was just subconscious of him to sit next to the hidden door, protecting it. Or maybe it was a better chair… Either way, I did see the curtain. (it was ugly)

        7. I only saw it once. The scandal was about to break, but in his weird little world, all was still well. Shudder. I would love to say I had never been inside his office, wouldn’t you? Gross. Now that they no longer use that building for its original purpose, do you think his old office is a shrine, or a storage closet? I personally hope it is a lavatory.

        8. I sortof picture it like a dungeon where Jack the Lesser takes people who need to be disciplined. Those brick walls would be pretty sound proof and he could keep people chained up in there for a pretty long time before they finally broke down and admitted that he really IS the Big Mac Daddy of all time. 🙂

        9. Ugh. Shudder. I am going back to your post about the guy farting in church. That was FUNNY!

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