Women

Women Who Help The Pastor

136 Comments

Are you a lady? Do you long to be a help to your pastor but just don’t know how? Well, have I got some great news for you! A great little fundy lady named Stacy MacArthur (who happens to be the church secretary for Jeff Owens) has put together a helpful list of things you can do to help your pastor even though you’re only a woman. Isn’t that swell?

These tips include:

  • Pray for him and his wife to keep your heart “tender” towards them.
  • Don’t put your pastor under a microscope
  • Examine your heart and make sure it is not holding any bitterness.

And then it really gets good with this…

We, as ladies, are not to say, “Amen” and stand up waving our Bibles in the air, but we can and should respond to the preaching by smiling, slightly shaking our heads in agreement with the preaching, and of course we should always laugh at the jokes that the pastor tells.

What great advice! I sure love it when women are forced to laugh at my jokes and I’m sure your pastor will love it too!

But there’s more!

Be a soul winner! Our pastors want the church house to be full. If we can fill our churches, we have a much better chance of fulfilling God’s plan, which is a part of our pastor’s purpose.

Seek to do things the way your pastor would want things done…Stop any and all criticism about your pastor…Give your pastor the benefit of the doubt…Look for opportunities to praise him…Find ways to thank your him…dress modestly…have a servant’s heart…

Do whatever your pastor says and then go out and fill up that church house, ladies! Bringing glory to your pastor’s plan and purpose is why you were put here on earth! (Well, you were put here to make babies and casseroles too but that’s just a given.)

136 thoughts on “Women Who Help The Pastor”

    1. Yeah my first thought was “what the nine hells?” The only way this makes sense as a propaganda piece to help the “faith” of women who have been hurt, or worse by their pastor in which case, get outta there! 😡

  5. I love how after “Don’t put your pastor under a microscope” You say, “And then it really gets good ” I’m pretty sure that the microscope comment is as good as it gets.

    “Do you see issues with your pastor? Well don’t put him under a microscope. Just take those feelings and wish them away.”

    Nothing to see here just keep moving.

  6. “Stop any and all criticism about your pastor…Give your pastor the benefit of the doubt…Look for opportunities to praise (your pastor)…”

    Substitute “Pastor” for “Chairman Mao” and you’ve got material directly from “The Little Red Book.”

    2. I really wish there was a “like” button for this comment! Absolutely scary to see the similarities…

  7. Well, I have heard alot of this preached about husbands, so…

    hover text is perfect, as usual

  8. My first thought when I read the title when the tweet came through was that there would be a picture of Brenda Stevens. My bad.

    1. Okay, nearly lost it when I read this. She was my bus calling partner on occasion, BTW. Yep, me and the future Slut of Fundamentalism. To say the least.

  9. So, lets kill off all the real women and make robot replacements, seems I saw a movie…The Stepford Wives. Seems that’s what is wanted in some churches, huh?

  10. •Don’t put your pastor under a microscope

    “I cannot accept your canon that we are to judge Pope and King unlike other men with a favourable presumption that they did no wrong. If there is any presumption, it is the other way, against the holders of power, increasing as the power increases. Historic responsibility has to make up for the want of legal responsibility. Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority: still more when you superadd the tendency or certainty of corruption by full authority. There is no worse heresy than the fact that the office sanctifies the holder of it.”

    If you do not hold those in authority to a higher standard and greater accountability you enable your own captor and aid in constructing your own prison cell.

  11. “We, as ladies, are not to say, “Amen” and stand up waving our Bibles in the air, but we can and should respond to the preaching by smiling, slightly shaking our heads in agreement with the preaching, and of course we should always laugh at the jokes that the pastor tells.”

    Really, Darrell, this right on the back of a video of your pastor being the representative of Jesus? Couldn’t you be a little more gentle on us? It’s too much! I CAN’T TAKE IT! *covers ears & runs screaming from the room*

    1. Yes to that, Heather. Twice in one day, Darrell has posted things that make the bile rise in my delicate flowerlike neck….

  13. Ok, that does it. I have to get away from this computer. Jack-ass Schaap at breakfast time and now THIS for lunch? New diet plan for me.

  14. Thank you, Jesus, for making me more than the shallow person that fundamentalists would have me be!

    I am SO THANKFUL to be out of fundamentalism! Getting kicked out of PCC was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I doubt I would be the strong, self-sufficient, capable woman I am today had I been stuck in the fundy world. They only value women who sit down, be quiet and toe the line. What a shame that they don’t see women as more than this.

    I feel so sorry for the poor girls who have this lady as a mother, Sunday school teacher,etc. I hope they see past the propaganda and learn that their value is much higher.

    1. I don’t know how to do the quote thing here in the comments, so this will have to do…

      >>>They only value women who sit down, be quiet and toe the line. What a shame that they don’t see women as more than this<<<

      LOL It's no wonder my friend's wife doesn't like me… I don't sit down, I'm not always quiet, and I don't always toe the line. 🙂

    3. “Thank you, Jesus, for making me more than the shallow person that fundamentalists would have me be! ”

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      AMEN!!!!

      (Although I have been told I am not allowed to say that… 🙄 🙄 🙄 )

  15. (Well, you were put here to make babies and casseroles too but that’s just a given.)

    “I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. I’ll just die if I don’t get this recipe. . . .”

    1. Oh Joanna! My new dress! How could you do a thing like that? Just when I was going to give you coffee! How could you do a thing like that? I thought we were friends! Just when I was going to… how could you do a thing like that… just when I was going to give you coffee! Oh Joanna… I thought we were friends… I thought we were friends… friends… coffee… how could you do a thing like that? Like that? Like that? Like that? Friends… friends…
      😕

  16. Does Stacy MacArthur actually exist?
    She sure sounds like a male pastor writing under a pen name.

  18. Two plus two is five
    War is peace
    Freedom is slavery
    Ignorance is strength
    I love Big Pastor!

    1. That’s an insult to big brother. These people would make O’Brian cringe. But yeah 1984, last time I checked was a warning not a how to guide. 😡

    3. We weren’t allowed to read Animal Farm in my fundy school. When my kids were in Junior High I finally read it and figured out why. (I was out by then)

        1. Yep. I went to a couple different “schools” and then college, then taught in three different “schools” (even taught English Literature) and had never read Animal Farm, Lord of the Flies, Ummm what is the one that Mel Gibson collected in Conspiracy Theories? And probably many many more. I just recently finally read The Scarlet Letter. There were many gaps in my education. {sigh}

        2. @Sims–I had to teach The Scarlet Letter in the Christian high school I taught at. I was supposed to teach the kids that the Puritans were the good people and Hester Prynne was an evil Jezebel who got what she deserved. Chillingworth represented Satan and that if Dimmesdale had had a true conversion, he would have been redeemed.

          I also had to teach Silas Marner and was supposed to teach them that George Eliot’s theme for it was “Sin will find you out”.

          (Some days I still can’t figure out why they didn’t fire me considering that I didn’t teach any of this stuff their way)

  19. “God didn’t stop with giving me His Son for my Salvation, He also made sure that until I am in Heaven I would have the gift of a pastor”

    Wow

    1. So whatever happened to the priesthood of the believer?? I have the Holy Spirit! I don’t need a pastor to fill that role for me. Whew!! Talk about arrogance!

  21. The pressure – if you go soulwinning, God’s plan has a better chance of being fulfilled… as if it is going to fail???

  22. Ok, lets see if Darrell goes for the Trifecta:
    1. “A Relationship with Your Pastor” 😳
    2. “Women Who Help the Pastor” 😉
    3. “Women Who have Relations with the Pastor” 😯

  23. Real story: Several years ago, 4 or 5, a woman came to me and told me that her pastor told her that because she wasn’t married he (the pastor) was to have authority over her in her life. She asked him to show her where the Bible said that, he had to admit it didn’t and changed his tune.

    3. A male principal I worked for at a Christian high school tried to tell the single female teachers the same thing.

      1. My theory of why I was treated so badly by the admin my last year teaching is that I didn’t join the fawning, disgusting, “harem of helpmeets” (thank you for that perfect phrase, Writing All Wrong). Not that anything was going on, just the way the other women in the organization fell over themselves to glorify the men in authority positions . . . I didn’t realize it was a job requirement. I was my own person (not nearly as much as am now, but to the extent I was infuriated them) and I think that when I met my now-husband, they knew their opportunity to drag me under their control had ended.

  24. I think I am going to puke. This WEEK alone I’ve heard of 3 different “respected” IFB men of God and their sexual escapades. Do the women who are being used and abused by them speak out- of course not- you never criticize the man of God, you sweep all his shenanigans under the carpet so he can “help” even more women… This little ditty is why the cover ups continue at such an overwhelming rate- no accountability, 100 percent loyalty and control to the MOG.

    1. So sorry. 😥

      It would be nice to be able to take a break, maybe for life, and live fundy-free. But when people you love are still living in the toxicity, and being hurt, moving on with life and forgetting it exists can be impossible.

  25. It’s too bad that she’s so willing to become a doormat, but they don’t even list her as a staff member on their website. 🙄

  27. It’s such a huge relief to know that, in spite of my inferior generative organs, I can still be somehow valuable to the ministry. I’m gonna start practicing my slight nod right now.

    1. My slight nod is usually accompanied by a bit of drool, some zzzz’s and a annoying droning in the background.

    2. Good girl, and don’t forget the laugh should be very quiet and feminine not loud and boistrous-a nice “shamefaced” giggle should do.

  28. so God’s plan is a PART of the pastor’s plan? as in, the pastor has a broader plan than God does? maybe that’s nitpicking.

    1. Not nitpicking at all. I’ve never read anything more outrageous, or maybe more unintentionally truthful, than “God’s plan, which is a part of our pastor’s purpose.”

      And the other parts would be …
      I think we can all fill in that blank.

  29. Yep. Can see how I was sucked in to an immoral pastor’s clutches when I was 23.
    And yes, Don, it is definitely a trifecta. And those of us who were victimized in such a way, well, it was all our fault. Can’t be the mannagawd’s fault. Everyone knows he can’t be questioned. 🙄

    1. You know that’s right! Why… to question the M-O-g is to question gid himself!

      The man-o-gawd is gawd, by gawd! Just ask him he’ll tell you it’s so.

      A narcissist (especially one who is on a power/ego trip) cannot stand to be questioned so never cross him unless you enjoy a good crucifixion and public humiliation. Again, the IFB attracts men of lesser and even out right despicable character just because there is NO accountability regarding the proxy god.

      1. @ Beth,
        What you endured at the hands of these imposters is truly repugnant. May God give you abundant grace and healing.

    2. God bless you, Beth. He already is, since you see him for what he was. You go, girl. Go on, keep your eyes on the prize, you are one strong woman!

  30. Oh my. They even had household cleaning tips on the devotional site…
    Boil cotton socks in water to which a lemon slice has been added (what about Clorox?)

    -Wear & Tear on Clothes in the Washer-
    Button all buttons on clothing and turn inside out before putting into the washer. Fewer buttons will fall off and garments will fade less if turned inside out. (I don’t loose buttons in the washer)

    -Never use a sponge longer than 3 weeks.(Now that’s just gross!)

    1. She is probably using a washer that is over 50 yrs old. It is a fundy thing to not want to “waste” money upgrading “perfectly good” appliances when you can just put in a little extra effort and it will be *just fine*

        1. I’ve never heard of boiling socks.
          Wouldn’t that kill the elastic, so your socks wouldn’t stay up?

          I’ve been washing my socks with regular laundry detergent for many years, and they look clean to me. Just shows how little I know.

        3. I have a friend who does that PW, and she’s not even a fundy. In fact, she’d never put up the the BS she’d have to in a fundy church.

  32. Well, that all sounds like wonderful advice to me. A lady MUST sit lovingly on her butt cushion and gaze lovingly at her pastor, because he is perfection of God’s handiwork. It is a good idea to keep casserole recipes in our Bible covers that look like purses as well as a floral pen and floral stationary for jotting down sermon notes in case he needs them again (or for whatever reason, doesn’t matter… he loves when you make notes). We must smell pretty, too. Pastor loves to the smell of flowers to fill his church to know that his cheerleading squad is full in force.

    And, always smile at him, ladies. He needs his ego built even more than it is now, because that makes him a bigger managawd.

    Cook for him, take care of him, provide for him…

    Oh, and about that guy at home that you married?… He’ll live.

    😉 :mrgreen:

    1. Natalie, you HAD to have gone to HAC. This sounds EXACTLY like BS that has its origins in the addled brain of Marlene Evans. Whatever your fundy dreadful experience was, your wit and humor are razor sharp, Kiddo. This was excellent. :mrgreen:

      1. Nope, no HAC for me, although I had seriously thought of going there. Some of the friends I had in the church I grew up in were preacher boys who went to HAC. I worshipped women like Beverly Hyles and loved to read her books. I wanted to be just like that.

        … which makes me laugh in comparison to who I am now. 😉

        1. I was in a couple of Beverly Hyles’ classes when I was in college, and I have to say, even back then when I was in full fundy fashion, I admired her. Of course I admired her because she had grace and a very calm, loving demeanor. But at the time I thought, “I wonder why she seems sad all the time.” I used to think if I were her I would be SO HAPPY. I mean, after all, she was married to you-know-who. But it wasn’t like I had a crush on him, bit was just like we were all made to believe he was the greatest M-O-g since Moses and here she was being sad. I had no idea the burdons that woman carried. Anyway, Natalie, I think we should be friends, you and I. And Seen Enough too. We can be an unholy trio. We will make Beverly and Marlene proud.

        2. “Proud” in that Let’s take them out to the woodshed way… They would hate us. Which I consider a star in my crown. 😉

        3. I love her already Sims, for being witty, for being a survivor, and because I like the way she talks about her marriage. But, she is but a wee bairn in her thirties, and I fear we may corrupt her. We are rather old-school, you know. Jack Hyles performed my marriage ceremony, a fact which fills me with dread whenever the kids get out the photo album… You and I remember Baptist City. Natalie was just being born when you were putting up my hair. We must be very careful.
          OTOH, she is one tough cookie! :mrgreen:

  34. Found this one interesting.

    “Wouldn’t it be a shame for them to learn from you the wrong way to dress around the pastor? We should be teaching the younger ladies how to dress modestly, yet still in an attractive manner. They will learn this from someone; let’s pray that they learn it from us.”

    I was just curious why the women were dressing around their pastor…shouldn’t they be doing that in a place a bit more private.

  36. Two things. First off, she says the pastor deserves our praise….ummm no. God deserves our praise not a man. And second, I counted the word pastor/preacher about 46 times. (I have a weird obsession with counting lol)

    1. Some of the points were valid in a way, but the whole focus was wrong. I don’t live a holy life FOR MY PASTOR. I don’t dress modestly FOR MY PASTOR. I don’t love others in my church FOR MY PASTOR. I do those things for Jesus.

      1. They’re so into casseroles because they save money using stretcher foods like noodles. And every good fundy housewife is frugal doncha know. 🙄

        1. Considering the salaries their husbands get in their jobs in the fundy ministry or teaching at fundy Christian schools, what choice do their wives have?

      2. Other than lasagna, I haven’t made a casserole since we got *out* of fundy-land. Not intentionally, I just found I like real food so much better.

    1. Indeed, since they are silently and verbally being judged for playing for the other team.

    2. And if you’re a smart tomboy, who has strong leadership qualities and likes to ask a lot of questions, you are in for a bucketful of trouble. :mrgreen:

  39. Ugh- Jeff Owens – one of the worst “preachers” I’ve ever had the misfortune to listen to.

  40. Hey it’s not only in IFB churches. At our church, we are told to stop negativity against the pastor.

    1. That is precisely why IFB churches don’t have small groups. The M-O-g cannot be in every small group to monotor the conversations and nip any negativity in the bud.
      Even in the small rural bunkers the pastor freaks at the slightest mention that he may not be all that. Pathalogical Narcissists cannot handle anyone questioning their actions and will over compensate and over react to any perceived slight.
      Of course on the other hand are the codependent pew dwellers who flock to an alpha leader like flies to manure.
      (check this out and see how many fundies it describes that you have known: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html )

      1. That was a really interesting read, Don. Thanks for the link. I personally think that extreme IFB pastors like the ones we see on posts here are more like sociopaths than narcissits (sp?) But it is fascinating to read about all the different ways our personalities can go wrong. Recognized a few people I know in that description. :mrgreen:

  44. This is what happens when the Bible isn’t enough. As much as they preach it, fundies just don’t believe the Bible. Not entirely, anyway, and they don’t believe it’s complete. So, they fill the void. Ironic, for a movement born of a desire to maintain a literal interpretation of the Bible.

  46. Darrell, this is seriously disturbing. Not in a “I disagree” way, but in a “documented markers of serious sociological (and possibly neurological) disease/syndrome” way. Thanks for ruining my day 👿

  47. For some reason I’m seeing the Old Spice commercial: “Ladies, look at your man. Now look at me, your pastor. Back to your man, now back to me.”

  48. IFB pastors must be very fragile creatures if they need so much unquestioning support from us feeble ladies..

  49. This is so nothing new. Sickening as it is, it is so typical fundy. I can just picture her sitting at her nice little computer, typing away, in her nicely ironed blouse and ankle length skirt – cold as ice – pretending her world is perfect because she ‘pleases her pastor.’ If these people ever got honest about their lives, the earth would shake. Glad I’m out for good.

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