Preachers

Inanity

106 Comments

Today we have exercise in saying a whole lot of words that sounds like they might mean something vaguely spiritual but at the end of it you’re still not quite sure what it was.

What does technology have to do with loving Jesus? What does “growing” mean? What does “grounding” mean? And exactly how does this use the Scripture to show us Christ?

But the people all say amen anyway.

106 thoughts on “Inanity”

    1. Don’t feel too bad Beloved. I was first once and I never got my prize 🙁

  4. “You say, ‘Preacher, what you talkin about’?”

    Yes, exactly. What are you talking about?

    1. I absolutely hate that, when preachers ask themselves a fake question. (“But Preacher, what are you talking about?”) They must think it makes them seem smarter because they know the answer. I think it’s just because they like to hear themselves called “Preacher,” even if it’s their own voice.

  5. One of my favorites: “We’re taking our relationship with God to the next level.”

    So, what does that mean, anyway? That before we were just “kind of seeing” God, but now we’ll be going steady? Or if we’re already going steady, is there a first, second base, etc. metaphor that’s applicable? Does he get my class ring now?

    It sure does sound important though, so I’m sure it actually means something.

    1. Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to look like this phrase came from the video, it’s just one of the typical inanities that I’ve heard from several pastors in the past. I refuse to watch the video because I prefer to not be yelled at, and I as someone who suffers from hypertension, I have to keep my blood pressure in check.

      1. I can’t tell you how many times I have left church saying to myself, “But what does that MEAN? What does that LOOK like in real life? It is so good to FINALLY realize that it made no sense to other people too.

        1. I’m sure a number of people here have experienced the same thing. I have heard sermon after sermon where I leave wondering, “What was the point of that? Where was the actual message?” Again and again, all I hear is a mix of statements like “We need to go to the next level with God,” or “We need to take action for God,” along with some random internet folklore/urban legends, and a personal story to prove how great/holy/humble the pastor is.

        2. TP – Right on. The only thing worse than hearing the stories of how great/holy/humble the pastor is, is hearing the SAME stories over and over and over and over and over again.
          After the same tired stories of how wonderful the pastor is we always got “…And you’re not. You’re selfish, don’t pray enough, don’t read your bible enough lazy etc etc.”

        3. Scorpio, the only thing worse than THAT is to hear the SAME story from two DIFFERENT pastors, each telling it from a first person perspective (as if it happened to HIM) and knowing that they are BOTH lying and either went to the same conference, or read the same illustration book and got it from the same place. Pack o liars with no consciences!

        4. Sims, I usually hear the urban legends told from a third-person perspective, so I don’t think the pastors (in this case) are deliberately lying. I think they just hear this stuff and want so much for it to be true that they use no discernment when they read or hear about these things. If the story comes from an accepted source (a book or a sermon by someone highly regarded in whatever movement the pastor himself happens to identify with), then it is accepted as true without question. The thought that these people may be wrong never even crosses their minds.

          This is partly why I have dropped out of Christianity in my head. If God doesn’t correct these people for corrupting his message, then he must not consider his message to be important enough to correct.

  6. “You say, ‘Preacher, whutchu talkin’ ’bout?”

    Uh, well, a string of disconnected thoughts that constitute five and a half minutes of non sequiturs.

    I can’t for the life of me understand how people can sit through this sort of thing week after wretched week and still punctuate it with “Hay-mens.”

  7. Thirty seconds is all I could take. Needless to say, there’s no way in hell I could get excited about his god. The one true God, however, is a different matter entirely…

  9. “We need some old-fashioned churches that know how to stir ’em up [without] gimmicks and tricks.”

    Really? Technology in the church is a gimmick, but carrying on like an insane asylum escapee isn’t? Really?!?

      1. You and me both. Almost creepy at times like he was possessed or had electricity was running through him. Maybe that was what his being grounded means!

        1. Scorpio!!! I was drinking water as I read your “grounded” comment. I almost choked. egads.

  10. 1:33 That’s as far as I got. I didn’t see God running up and down the aisles. All I saw was that guy yelling about Blackberries. I can’t take the yelling.

  11. Can someone help me? I was trying to look up the passage he was expositing from his good old King James Bible? Perhaps the video cut off the part where he actually had a Bible and gave the reference?

    2. In typical IFB fasion, he prob’ly had some verse read out of context that he used as a “springboard” to get to his title – Playing the Game, Staying the Same – and then 45 minutes of the ranting. That’s how it usually goes with this type of “preaching.”

  12. Just cause he says it doesn’t convince me that he really “understands” the blackberry age. Blackberry age mostly ended about 5 years ago, and they are desperately trying to find a way to be relevant in the droid/iPhone age. Video says it was uploaded in Feb. I guess when you come up with a good blackberry joke about growing on the vines, there’s no way you are gonna give it up.

    1. that’s what i was thinking …. that blackberry joke was too good to throw away, even if they are are so 00’s

    1. Jeff,

      I agree 100%. It is like fingernails on a chalkboard or rubbing two marbles together when I hear or see it.

      1. Wow! I thought I was the only one who found the two marbles thing infuriating. Glad to know it isn’t just me.

        2. I hate it too, and I know what you are talking about. My brother loved to make that sound just to drive me nuts 😡

    2. A Baptist church near me has this on their sign: “No contemporary worship here. Only old time religion.”

      Ironically the man who was their pastor until he was arrested last year was recently sentenced to jail for inappropriate behavior with teen boys in his church.

      Yet does this church show repentance to their community? Do they humbly decide to reaccess and think maybe they should turn some of their antagonism toward contemporary worship toward sexual impurity instead? Naw. They’re just going to keep stubbornly doing what they’ve always been doing, never acknowledging that someone the “same-old/same-old” isn’t producing godliness.

      1. Please replace “someone” with “somehow” and my last sentence makes more sense.

      2. Unashamed of the old time child-molesting religion, and will make no apologies for it. Those limp wristed child protecting modern churches are the problem. 🙂

        1. You’ve got it!

          I get so mad everytime I drive by that sign that I want to chew on my steering wheel.

        2. PW, apologizes for derailing a serious topic, but the mental image of you (or anyone) gnawing away on a steering wheel in fury completely sidetracked me. Now I’m wondering, is the steering wheel leather? Should one chew the 10 and 2 positions or the 9 and 6 ones? Can one actually chew a steering wheel and drive at the same time? 😀

        4. Not leather so I’ve managed to hold off actually chewing so far. I’d probably go for 12 o’clock so I could still drive.

    4. I hate the term “old paths.” It’s just an excuse to wallow in legalism. Instead of focusing on “old paths,” why not talk about “new life”? Eeesh.

  14. OK, I understand the confusion. I applied my Official SFL Fundy Filter (patent pending) to the video and here is what I came up with…

    He is essentially preaching a great message to his congregation about how emotionalism and antics are not the way to God. And, he is using his delivery as an object lesson. Obviously, through what can only be described as a fold in the IFB continuum, the two points merged and were conflagrated into what you see here.

    Either that, or he is simply preaching against any and all emotionalism and antics that are not his own. (Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot.) 🙄

  15. Love watching some dude talk to himself and others cheering him on…pure comedy!

  16. I kept waiting for his head to explode, and he needs to get better fitting clothes – maybe that is why he was yelling – his blood supply to his brain was getting cut off by the collar that was to tight and he needs to buy man ties – not a kiddie tie. It was way to short.

  17. So, I wonder how he would characterize the preaching of the Old Testament prophets? I mean, many of them had absolutely no converts.

    It’s hard to believe that people still “preach” like this. Members of the congregation tell me it’s so but since I’m preaching every week, I never get a chance to go out and hear other pastors.

  18. I didn’t know that IFB type churches observed Lent. Why do they have the cross draped in purple?

  19. Growing: looking different from a year ago (haircut, no more jeans)

    Grounded: no more emotion and being in church every time the doors are open

  20. Speaking of “hype”, why is it so allfired important to fundies that the congregation “get excited” about (insert fundy idea here)?

    I know it has already been said, but the irony here is so juicy, I couldn’t help but suspect this was a parody at first…

  22. I like to think of this preachin’ style as “monotone hyperventin’ soup”.

    My favorite line: “Preacher, what are you talkin’ about” LOL.

    Notice how the amenin’ declined when he started talking about playin’ the game?

    1. It’s all about the game and how you play it,
      it’s all about control and who’s gonna make it….

  23. I could only listen to :53 and I had to stop. “Everybody needs to be excited that I’m talking right now! And if I can get you to say “amen!” you think I’m actually saying something about glorifying God, but really I’m just making myself look like an awesome preacher!” That’s all I hear anymore.

    1. Same with me, Kaje. I only hear that voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher in my head (or a variation of it) whenever I hear this style of “preaching” anymore.

    2. …wonders what exactly is strong meat…as he leaves the room to look for his therapist’s cell phone number.
      By the way, wouldn’t shutting off technology disable your ability to post”gems” like this on You Tube?
      Also, why don’t the preachers ever preach against You Tube??? Just wondering 🙄

  26. He said it himself about a minute in: He has NOTHING to offer me. Ugh. Why did I choose to watch this whole thing??? It’s before noon, and I feel a shot coming on. Tequila anyone??

      2. I once had too much tequila while I was in college. My clothes never came off, but I was told the next day that I kept saying, “Hey! I can’t feel my fingers!” and waving my hands around the whole night.

        Good times, good times…

  27. The reason they practice this “old time religion” is for the acceptance of their likeminded brethren. They aren’t concerned with practicing pure religion as defined in the book of James. Doing so might be considered making church relevant to the world & “we can’t have that ’cause that would be compromise.” Sounds like they’re dumping dead flies in the ointment instead of actually trying to be a sweet smelling fragrance. Its counterproductive.

    1. I agree with you, Joshua.

      The ironic thing is that the fundies too are “playing the game, but staying the same.” They’re in church every time the doors are open playing the game, yelling “Amen”, even going forward to the altar to pray or handing out tracts, but are they any more loving, gracious, gentle, and patient? Are they helping the poor?

      1. Yep. James’ description of “true religion” mentions taking care of the widows and the poor, right?

        Sounds an awful lot like a social gospel to me. (sarcasm emoticon needed here)

  28. @ Phil…I also noticed cross draped in purple. I was also thinking that it would be a little weird if they celebrated Lent as a church. At the Fundy church that I used to attend, Lent was never mentioned. Most people at my former Fundy church would probably think it to be a forreign food of some kind.

    1. I kept thinking it looked like the letters “t” and “M” — maybe “tM” or — get this — “Mt”, which would summarize the content of the ranting, eh?

    2. Here’s an oldie but a goodie:

      “Shouting: The only Lent I can find in My King James Bible, bless gawd, is the lint that fell of my shirt! – HAYMEN!”

      1. My fundy pastor literally said “Haymen” the other Sunday…no joke, “h” and all. I immediately thought of this blog!

  29. One of the most reliable methods for frustrating fundamentalists is to ask them to clearly define their favorite phrases. A few years ago I was accosted by a particularly zealous fundy who kept insisting that “we all need to get on fire for God”. I asked him what he meant exactly by “on fire for God”. He looked bewildered and began to stammer; finally he replied with, “Well, I’m not so good with words, but you know what I mean!” Conversation over. 🙂

  30. Its all about Hype. Here he demonstrates a perfect example of Hype, stirring up the people for an emotional experience.

    If we just build it up big enough and get people excited about it (just as he is doing)

    it excites me (uh, didn’t you just preach against being excited and artifically hyping things up?? Him speak with forked tongue)

    **uh, so you can only be loved on by God when you come to his house???

    Notice the unspoken yet universally accepted “us -v- them” subtext in his Old Fashioned Power of God/This generation remarks. **and everybody said…”hayman”**

    -Technology is an acceptable evil but God is still God.
    He’s God now that that you’ve got ‘im in your pocket **there’s the fundie god that I know so well, in the pocket sized single serving pack.**

    “God’s still God, Praise God, Amen” **that’s called begging for validation, trolling for an amen, panhandling for a “PIB”*
    *PIB= Preach it Brother

    -Technology = not loving Jesus
    -Technology = not real (1:52)

    We need some old fashioned churches that that they don’t have to stir them up with gimmicks and tricks; amen? *umm, you mean like are doing here?? Seems that is exactly what is being done here an emotional appeal that is stirring up the sheeple.

    **it took 2:25 to get to the sermon title…
    Whew I’m wore out. Think I’ll stop there.

  31. Wow…I just had revival here at my desk. First decision: never watch that crap again.

    😯

  32. Access Denied (content_filter_streaming)

    Your request was denied because it is not appropriate content

    Even my filter knows this video is just wrong.. :mrgreen:

  34. Why does it seem that fundy preachers are incapable of speaking grammatically. This fellow’s rant was full of “ain’t”s and “don’t”s in place of doesn’t. Would it harm his status if he spoke grammatically?

      1. Edumacation leads to good grammar. Good grammar leads to dancing. You know the rest.

  35. did you guys see that wicked guitar up in the right corner? No doubt they play that with real southern flair! That is the only way it could be acceptable in fundyland.

  36. The whole clip was a holier-than-thou jab at the other guy. How does he know what happens in the “average church”? Has he researched it? Is he talking about the average IFB? Or a non-denom, etc? What is his criteria for observing growth? It’s a bunch of emotionalism designed to make the hearers feel superior to the other guy. Makes me sick because it fails to deal with the heart of the matter…knowing Jesus

  38. I’d like to ask the pastor where he gets suit pants sized 40/50? @ 4.28 it looks like he’s trying to do the Robot.

  40. He said that if you have not grown in the Lord after a few years there is something wrong with you. But it could also be that if a person is not “growing in the Lord” maybe there is something wrong with their diet; like listening to sermons like this and assuming it is “real” preaching.

    It is true that we all should be resposible for our own spiritual growth but if I were a pastor and my people were not growing I would hope the first thing I would check is not the sins they may be hiding but whether or not my preaching was truly bibically based.

  41. Some of these fundies used to joke about some churches that have two pulpits,one from which you read the Bible and one from which you deliver the sermon. Of course, they mean when a liberal starts preaching he departs from the Bible. I couldn’t stand to listen to the whole video clip, but I don’t recall this preaching referring to the scriptures during his entire rant. Obviously, to this man, going to the next level spiritually has nothing to do with the Bible and everything to do with his experience with “Old Time Christianity.”

    Concerning the guitar, only in some aspects of fundyland is even a southern gospel guitar acceptable. I’m sure how Ron Comfort got away with it. When he came to our fundy college, he never used it.

  42. Sorry, that should be I’m not sure how Ron Comfort got away with it.

  43. <>

    That, and it’s (said in hushed tones) ” . . . Catholic.” It’s called a divided chancel. Suspect from the very start. I know ABC and even SBC churches that have divided chancels. That probably makes it even worse.

  44. I tried to quote iwasateenagefundy’s post, above, about the two reading desks (pulpit and lectern). Didn’t come up on my post, for some reason. Sorry for the confusion.

  45. I so love expository preaching it is so refreshing…can someone tell me the verse and chapter he was preaching from, oh wait he did not even open that big ole’ King James. What kind of preaching is that!

  46. I love the way he “AMEN”s himself! THink that’s a requirement for fundamental preachers…

    1. Yes! I believe that is covered in Chapter Three of the “How to be an Independent, Fundamental, 1611 King James Only, Sin hatin’, Soulwinnin’ Baptist Preacher, Amen” correspondence course.

  48. If this was covered, I apologize–
    Does it count as Bible if you read it on your ipod?

    I’ll bet this guys ancestors hated ol’ Johannes Gensfleisch zur Laden zum Gutenberg also, as we know all progress is for evil purposes.

  49. i would have so much fun at a service like this… i would yell amen as loud as possible incessantly because i can… eventually my voice would probably get tired though…

  50. I just dont get it? These morons are so blind! If that was the best sermon that “the Lord gave me” that week I would not take my paycheck from my church. Preach the Word…not about the Word or around the Word…to take a verse out of context and establish a “sermon” around it is robbing God’s people and failing in your calling. Fundamentalism is a BIG FAT JOKE! I pastor a church and I am desperately trying to lead our people out of this mentality…

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