But as strange as this is to read, it really get sad when you see a bunch of young men from the Hyles-Anderson College of West Africa reciting it at the 3rd Annual Pastor’s School at First Baptist Church of Kumasi, Ghana.
218 thoughts on “Really Bad Poetry”
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That was just painful, someone please pass the brain bleach ASAP!
I thought that “poem” would never end. 😥
Indeed. idle rants of a wandering mind.
Oh dear. It goes on for a page. I wonder if…holy crap! There’s a second page? Who in their right mind thought…HOLY CRAP! 😯
First – Ha
or not 😳
“There’re conferences and seminars and meetings by the bulk” Gee, I wonder whose fault that is?
“Our girls have knee length skirts, our guys have short cut hair”….what the??
Once again, even a parody couldn’t be this perfectly inane.
I see how mechanical the poem is. But at the same time, don’t you think this church is appealing to their culture in the way they do songs/poems? Because my sister in law came back from there and said they tend to like those quick chorus chants.
But what culture? It’s highly entertaining as a hip-hop piece, but that’s not a culture they would be trying to aim at. It also “works” as a bunch of cheerleading slogans, but I doubt you’ll see pom-poms in church. But maybe they’re appealing to the fact that the church members will gobble up any old crap that Schaap throws at them, no matter how lame or bad it is.
I’m specifically talking about their aspect in culture of quick abrupt chants/songs.
sensitive to the culture ??
sorry Charlie…but I think they are
oblivious to any culture but their own…
and by “own” I mean cult, not culture.
I think Charlie’s referring to African culture.
“They will gobble up any old crap Schaap throws at them.” That is exactly right. Sadly I know too well. I used to be one of those who frantically gobbled it all up. Two years free, but still needing help in purging this crap from my system.
The fact that people like rhymes and chants is no excuse for making them recite horrible rhymes and chants.
AMEN! Preach it, brother. For all our sakes, preach it HARD.
That has a certain hypnotic action going on there.
I’m surprised they acknowledge iPods and Twitter and that KJVO Bibles come in colors other than black. Clearly a case of truth being stranger than fiction.
SFL Poet Emeritus Don, what’s your take?
Don,
I hopei am not overstepping here, but i thought i would give my take as well:
There once was a poem by Jack,
The one whose last name was Schapp,
He tried very hard
To be like the Bard,
But the poem just ended up whack.
When Shoes read the poem he tried
To read the whole thing but he cried,
“This poem really sux,
Give be back my 2 bucks
My brain feels like it’s been fried.
I just had an idea. Let’s start calling him Jock Schaap so his name rhymes.
*Ahem* People watch the clock while being shell-shocked by the ad hoc crock of Jock Schaap, which is a stumbling block on our path to the Rock who does knock at the door-lock of the heart. Take Jock Schaap to the dock of a loch in Bangkok and let his boat rock while listening to Bach. To Jock Schaap, who should have writer’s block or stuff in a sock while we continue to mock for the good of the flock.
Respect (but not for him).
Very good, ISBW.
But “Jock Schaap” doesn’t quite rhyme. How about “Chop Shop”?
I call him Jack S. (Say it out loud) 😀
I just rhyme “Schaap” with “nap”.
Like this:
Jack Schaap preaches crap,
likes to slap,
“Grandma, shut your trap!”
His words attack.
The people clap.
But they’ve been trapped
In Jack Schaap crap.
ooooo, that’s good PW. Really good. 😉
these are good! 😀
Well, Jock Schaap sent my mind on the poem:
Jock Schaap could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
Then, betwixt the two of them,
They licked the platter clean!
Now for some word tweaking:
Jock Schaap could bear no fat
‘Pon ladies he preached at Sunday.
What this has to do with Scripture
Is more than I can say.
Or something…
PW–Winning!
To I Should be Working – exellent. Now we should put some beats behind it and turn it into an awesome rap video on youtube.
To Preacher’s Wife – I really like your poem but his name is not pronounced with a short A otherwise it would work. His name is pronounced more like Skop (rhymes with hop. Not that its all that important, just wanted you to be able to diss him accurately. 😉
I was just riffing off “I should be working”‘s idea of calling him Jock Schaap so his name would rhyme. I thought of changing his name in the other direction.
Oops, my bad. I get it now. Guess that’s the fundy still left in me, thinking I needed to correct you when you were just havin’ a little fun. Sorry. Keep up the good work.
No problem! 🙂 Actually, until only recently, I DID think his name was pronounced that way because I’d only seen it written not heard it said.
No biggie. Besides, no matter how you say his name, he is still the same ol’ Jack A** 😆
Based on Guilt Ridden’s idea above:
Jack Schaap could bear no fat:
Said wives had to be lean.
And so betwixt his scorn and hate,
His message is obscene.
And why they sit and take it
Is more than I can tell.
But words that lack in love and grace
Are from the pit of hell.
Jack Schaap, cut the crap
And learn humility.
And, ladies still at FBC,
Come out! Find liberty.
There once was a preacher from Hammond
And a pulpit he was constantly slammin
That open toed shoes
Were a don’t, not a do
Of the rules that he was demandin
open toed shoes? i hadn’t heard this one…do tell! toe cleavage causes men to lust maybe?
amy – There was a post last year that was a clip of Schaap talking about the immodest dress of a wedding party. When he got to the shoes and mentioned open-toed, he yelled NO about 12 times in a row. Unfortunately the video has been taken down by FBC.
Tell me about it. I used to be one of the “enforcers.” I always felt so ridiculous telling grown women they couldn’t wear this or that, or they should really wear a different undergarment with that outfit. I still wish I could go back and apologize to each and every one of them! 😥
Even Vogon poetry is better than this!
O freddled gruntbuggly?
Jack Schaap’s micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
😆
I survived reading it by gnawing one of my own arms off.
My brain really hurts after reading that. Some of my takeaways:
“Make them your commandments as a spritual slave”
Isn’t that so appropriate after the post yesterday on branding?
“Preach it in the ghetto where they’re scared and poor”
Who uses the term ghetto anymore? That is so 1960’s. And talk about stereotyping.
“I can point out all your heresies…”
Because you have everything 100% correct? Oh I forgot, fundies are right about EVERYTHING.
“We even ask the Holy Ghost each day what we should wear”
Really? Has anyone ever prayed about what clothes to wear?
And finally my favorite:
“Perhaps the problem is with you, my friend…”
Yep. That sums up the mindset of fundyland in 8 simple words.
OK, I need to go back to bed now.
Re: Praying about what clothes to wear. Hyles taught that about 20 years ago or so. I still remember that one (I was a kid, 10-12 yr old). Getting ready for church on Sunday was never the same a gain. It was hard enough as a girl to follow all the dress standards, add to that my family was dirt poor and I did not have a lot to choose from, then I must stand in front of my closet obsessing over what God might have me wear that day – will he tell me exactly which outfit to wear, will I get it right, what will happen if I get His message wrong. I think that is where my OCD tendencies probably started. Good times.
Here’s what’s so funny – I began to read the first page … and then it kept going and going and going.
Me too!!! I thought when I started reading it, “Well this will be a short post.” Stupid me I was wrong.
Yes, I thought the same thing! I thought the first page was it…then it kept going, and going, and going. It’s just so…bad! Also, I had no idea there was a South African branch of HAC. Those poor South African people.
Apparently there’s also a branch in Ghana. Those poor Ghanians.
I do believe they are one in the same – just the one location in Ghana. However there is another one of sorts in China as well,
Darrell, there are posts when I wish I could ask for you to give back the time I just spent reading them. This is one of them, but then again what better way to wake up then with a full face palm.
Jack, Jack, Jack . . . the President is on the line and is offering you the position of National Poet Laureate, or not. And Jack, beside the awful meter, bad rhyming, and mish-mash of words to try and get your “message” out, you slipped and your theology is showing. Paul did not say that he counted all for loss for the sake of “go, win, baptize, teach”, but rather he counted all loss for the sake of knowing Jesus. There is a difference. Many will say did I not go and baptize and preach in Your name and He will say, “Depart from Me I never knew you.” See Jack, you’ve kinda turned it on its head a little bit. No, you’ve turned it upside down completely. You’ve made sharing “the Gospel” god and it’s a small “G”. Because all you’re concerned about is numbers and pressuring people and your own status in the fundy kingdom, but your aren’t actually showing anyone God. If you were you would realize that God looks on the heart so the hemlines of skirts and the length of one’s hair is the deciding factor. You would also realize that the “reason” for the virgin birth and that “the motive” of Christ’s death on the cross was to glorify God first. See how you’ve twisted it? Jesus died for the glory of His Father. You’ve made the story of Jesus and God (well let’s be honest, your interpretation of who God is)God. Your false gospel is not God so don’t give it the preeminence that only He deserves.
One last thing, what did this line even mean? “What concerning this message do you fail to reach?” I’ve read it several times and I’m not getting it.
Well, I don’t suspect you will reply because you probably think that I think you’re “mind is cracked”, which I do, but if you want to “rip my face” and “point out my heresies” I’d love to banter with you.
George, George – Should read, “God looks on the heart, so the hemlines of skirts and the length of one’s hair is NOT the deciding factor.”
my first thoughts also-
just keep chanting…
hey, your heart can be full of pride, lust, gluttony and greed, judgment and condemnation
…just chant louder !!
Everybody with me now
go, win, baptize, teach
go, tell, baptize, preach
O, hell, capsize, breach…mayday, mayday…
Exactly, Eric!
Bingo! Well put.
I kept getting stuck on the line:
G-W-B-P
This is the reason for the Virgin Birth.
eh?
Isn’t that what Athanasius wrote? No?
To which Schaap would reply, “Athanasius who???” “Hey, listen hear you little twit coming at me with your stupid squirt gun of theology. Squirt away! Anything written before 1611 is complete drivel and I know it. And because I know it, I’m going to scream at you until I berate you into knowing it. Understood?!?! Athanasius! Bah! What you need is some good old Jack Hyles or Jack Schaap. It will be a cold day in Hell before I ever get my theology from anyone other than myself and my idols.”
“Hey, listen….”
That must be a pet saying of pastors from the HAC camp. That is what I heard screamed from the pulpit on many occasions. Nothing like talking down to your audience. Arrogant a**hats.
Mr. Scorpio sir,
“a**hats”…really now ??
I like it !!!
I’ve been trying to deal with my fundy induced anger and frustration, but have become quite the sailor in the process, what with all that throwing
vowels and consonants around like nobody’s business-so thank you for the creative alternative.
(I’ll put it next to “smart-apple”, sadly not original, I stole it from Leave it to Beaver)
Maybe we should start a list of creative fundy induced anger and frustration words to help us cope.
I’m just glad I don’t own a parrot…bra*@#*wk !!
I lost attention after the first couple lines.
Ditto. I have no interest whatsoever in actually reading that drivel!
Do you mean I didn’t have to read it?
No, you did. The rest of us didn’t. 😀
Pilot always has to read, the rest of us can just pretend to pay attention…
Cheesy, high-pressure easy-believism is the reason for the virgin birth. Now I understand.
Thank you, Darrell, for our daily dose of theologically-challenged Fundy guilt.
There’s plenty of bad poetry in old Gospel hymns; I learned that while growing up. Hence the phenomenon is nothing new among fundies. It’s just that it has gotten dumber.
…and soon, he will write a song. Remember that horrible song J. Hyles wrote, “Come Boldly”? After hearing it (ouch) I felt Hyles was trying to prove there was NOTHING he couldn’t do. Opinion – Schaap will do the same.
That poem is awful in every way.
In a church that big, there probably are some people who could write real poetry – or at least better than that. The church is a body; we all are supposed to need each other; a pastor is supposed to help others learn to exercise their gifts for the edification of the saints. But no. Not in First Baptist of Hammond. I guess only Schaap gets the glory; everyone else has the unobtrusive gift of helps (preferably in the background).
agreed.
“Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe” – Oh, my! You know, even if you think some things, it’s usually better not to say them. Yeah, when a wealthy person gets saved and joins your church, you do think about how the offerings may go up, but then you dismiss that thought as unworthy and ask God to help you be less worldly; you don’t write down your greedy thoughts in a poem.
I thought this line was (one of) the worst in the whole pathetic train wreck! How sad to say you’re thinking of someone’s soul and tnen “dream” of their tithe. That’s just awful!
Darrell,
First, you are posting way too early in the morning. At least let me get in my morning coffee before you bring back the horrific memories.
Second, I was there, in person for this. Schaap read it and that was the entire message then “we” all chanted go- win-baptize-teach several times. At that point he gave a standard anyone who loves God come to the altar and everyone but me ran to the altar feigning conviction and the smiting of Jack Schaap poetry.
**Twitch***
This is not poetry. This is doggerel.
The word “doggerel” made me think of poop, so I went to my Thesaurus to look up another appropriate name for what this was and got this…cow pies, cowplop, crap, dung, feces, fertilizer, guano, manure, meadow muffin, night soil, ordure.
I really like “meadow muffin” personally.
I would go with “steaming pile” myself
Cowplop=Schaap plop?
@A o w
isn’t that second “Plop” redundant?? 😯
Don,
I think you may be right! 😛
“Cowplop=Schaap plop?”
I think it should be:
Schaap flop = cowplop 😈
Just combine it into one word: Schaaplop
Mmm… muffin. Wait a minute!
Yeah, I was there for that one too. I remember thinking “this is a little like responsive readings at mass, only without the somber tone. Or, maybe its more like chanting at a cult meeting.” But mostly I remember staring down at my hands in my lap and thinking “am I the only one in here who thinks this is just plain nuts?” I was out the door for good shortly after that bizarre episode.
Except there was much though and prayer that goes into the selection of responsive readings.
Point taken.
I also remember thinking “is this ever going to end?” and then feeling really guilty for not just adoring his awful poetry. Good times.
Me too! And if you were nuts then we are both nuts because the whole thing was surreal. The chanting..the adoring “fans”, the massive altar call and me thinking…”freakish!”
I am so glad that I remained firmly standing at my seat. I was the only one still standing up in my entire section. I felt his laser-eyes trying to intimidate me to get down on my knees. But I just couldn’t do it! At least that is one less altar call/ promise that I do not have the shame to still work through.
Oh-the guilt driven alter calls.
So you were a rebel as well. Sitting in your seat while everyone stared at you wondering- why isn’t she blessed by this completely awesome sermon??? Must be in sin… 🙄
Oh-the guilt driven alter calls.
So you were a rebel as well. Sitting in your seat while everyone stared at you wondering- why isn’t she blessed by this completely awesome sermon??? 🙄
“Preach it in the ghetto where they’re scared and poor”
I live in the “ghetto” and the ones who are more scared are the white people who come into the city to do ministry, not the people who live there.
“Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe”
At least they’re honest about their bad motives………
“I can point out all your heresies and even rip your face,
But where are all our converts? It’s our movement’s disgrace.”
No, Schaap. I think your movement’s disgrace is that you can “rip someone’s face”. The fruit of the Spirit is love, peace, patience, and gentleness. I don’t see “ripping someone’s face” on the list anywhere, Schaap. Maybe you don’t know your big old black KJV as well as you think you do.
And the previous line says, “I can vilify my brother.” Guess what? God says to LOVE the brethren!
You know, Schaap, your version of the Gospel isn’t worth going and preaching.
I think you are making the mistake of taking him seriously. IFB Hammond is not a Christian church. Never has been. Why expect them to act Christian?
In fundyland, the ability to eloquently “rip someone’s face” is often mistaken for being filled with the spirit. Sad, but true.
OK, I tried to read this twice. First time I only got a couple lines in. Second time, I skipped over a few lines and got almost to the middle of page two before I felt really nauseous. Now my coffee tastes funny.
Hmmmm.
Schaap says, “Go – Win – Baptize – Teach! This is the message we’ve been called to preach.” NO, that’s what God told us to DO, but not what He told us to PREACH. We are to preach the GOSPEL.
I Cor. 1:23 – “But we preach Christ crucified.”
Gal. 6:14 – “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Rom. 14:9 – “For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”
Where is the beauty of Christ? Where is the love of Christ compelling us?
I was thinking about this too. I remember the commands “Go” and “Teach” and “Baptize.” But “Win” I don’t remember. It’s like they take God out of it all together. He wins, we’re commanded to teach; which takes a little more time and commitment than 30 seconds creeping someone out and shoving a tract and a guilt trip in their hand. 👿
Exactly what I was thinking. Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to do the winning. In fact, Paul clearly points out that that’s God’s job. If IFBers were to realize this, a lot of their preaching and practices would go out the window.
Right on Ladies!
Ugh. Who could regard that as Good News?
Coming right after PW’s entirely correct comment, that came out all wrong. Revised version: who could regard the assorted heresies and generally awful theology embodied in that drivel written by Jack Schaap as Good News, which is what Christians are called to preach?
I don’t know whether to laugh at this or cry at its lies and manipulation in the name of his god.
What a weak anemic pathetic little god this poem is about. This poem is an ode to man. In it we see the theology of man, how his god needs him and the doctrine of works sanctification, all for the glory of the religious worker.
“just get the message out: that’s the saviour’s urgent plea.”
“Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe”
There it is. That sums up the man centered religion, “and dream concerning his tithe.”
“Where are the million$ we’ve been called to reach?”
“Pretend you’re Billy Sunday, or a Moody or a Rice
But whatever you pretend…”
“But where are all our converts? Its our movement’s disgrace.”
Their converts? Their converts???
Yes, their movement is a disgrace.
Where is Jesus in all of this? Where is he lifted up? Where is he Glorified! Where is he praised for his goodness and mercy?? If the focus was actually on the finished work of the Savior (or the KJV Saviour) then all this manmade effort and focus would not be necessary. When Jesus Christ is the focus then all the rest is a natural outgrowth of our love for him!
and not a love for Bad Schaap poetry…
Don – Consider this training for upcoming mission.
Check out the send off I gave you in yesterday’s SOTL Conference post. 😆
I hope you are taking george with you. That is supposed to say:
Consider this training for YOUR upcoming mission
I saw that. When we are finished you’ll have to give the Winston Churchill speech, “Never have so many owed so much to so few…” 🙄 😆
I don’t know how national Ghana believers would worship, but I’m sure its not like this. This is FBC Hammond in black face.
Yeah, pretty much. This irritates me about these outreach churches in other countries. They make absolutely no attempt to adapt to the culture. Instead, they try to force a square peg into a round hole and make the locals adapt to the American HAC way of doing things. It’s so bizarre.
my personal favorite
“I can point out all your heresies,
and even rip your face”
…but the fruit of the spirit is hate, anger, strife, harshness, condemnation, judgment, violence
ah, yes…reflecting the image of God
WWJD- and Jesus saith, “I’m a gonna rip your face”
sorry PW
I just now saw your post
what can I say…great minds think alike?
No problem! 🙂 God’s Word is all that’s needed to counter the sort of drivel presented as Gospel in this poem.
“We even ask the Holy Ghost each day what we should wear”
So do nudists. He doesn’t answer.
Bwhaaa! Win!
I had to laugh. Over on the right under “Recent Comments it says, “I should be working on Really Bad Poetry” 😯 😉
That is hilarious. I did too… Bad poetry. Under LauraT99’s post above. Surprising (or is it) how easy it is.
^+1
The video sounded like it could be a revolutionary meeting.
Let us turn now to Canto 372 of Pastor Schaap’s “Go! Win! Baptize! Teach!”
An alternative name for the poem:
Stay, Sin, Proselytize and Screeeech! By Jack
Things I learned from my father in law.
Schaap – “This is life eternal called the Gospel plan – Go, win, baptize, teach.” Really?
Bible – “Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand…For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve…this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.” (from I Cor. 15)
This is completely off topic.
Where is the mention Mary Magdalene and the other women who SAW JESUS FIRST?
I suppose you are here to try and convince us of erros, or what not, to what end, i do not know, but your atheistic objections have been said before and answered by smarter folks than me.
Go do your own research.
“Answer not a fool according to his folly…”
Well, first of all, not an atheist.
Second, I have done the research.
Third, St. Paul would have been aware that the women were there. Failing to give a detail of the resurrection account does not mean he or the Bible was in error. So I am not making a strawman argument.
My point was that the good St. Paul was a good patriarch. Jesus treated women a lot better than St. Paul did. That was my point.
Of course Jesus treated women better than Paul. Jesus treats all people better than Paul did.
Reason?
Jesus, God the Son
Paul, Chiefest of sinners.
However, God inspired Paul’s writing, therefore we can be confident that Paul wasn’t mistreating women.
You should research legitimate sources next time.
Mary & the women were listed in the Gospels. When Paul is making an argument for proof of the resurrection here, he is using “admissible” evidence (testimony of men) in the society they were in.
Indeed. But St. Paul would have been wrong to challenge the patriarchy of his day. /s
*would have been wrong to challenge the patriarchy*?
I think it would be wrong to not challenge it at least some. I think you’d have a hard case to make that he didn’t, but when you are trying to prove historicity, using evidence that isn’t accepted as reliable is kind of counter productive.
I must say, as a student of poetry and a graduate of creative writing, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
‘Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy
‘Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy and all through his church,
The numbers were down; he was in a lurch,
The flyers were hung on the cork board with care,
To herald the conference soon to be there.
When down in his bowels there arose such a clatter
Jack sprang o’re the altar in a cloud of fecal matter
He ran for the men’s room and threw open the door
Jerked down his pants and covered the floor
Just one little whiff of what he left in the passage
He became inspired and composed a message
With pen in hand and his brain on a roll
He began to write on the white Charmin scroll.
He wrote with such fury, he wrote with such wit,
Eureka! He cried, “I have here a hit!” (what did you think I was gonna say?)
My Magnum Opus, they’ll receive it with glee,
Come to the altar and bow before me.
So on the night of gastronomic tribble
His brain did produce this poetic dribble
It’s a prize winner, he knows it’ll preach,
This crap that’s known as “Go, Win, Baptize, Teach”
and ode to Really Bad Poetry -george
That goes in my top 5 of grossest things I’ve ever read.
Congratulatins Don, first lol of my day. 😆
I see it George, not even gonna change it!
THAT’S what I’m talking about! Thanks for not disappointing.
Now THAT, Don, was poetry!
Don, after reading that, I began a slow clap. Which is really awkward because I am sitting here in my office. By my self. That was epic. I can only hope that somehow, Jackie boy gets to read it.
Hey Don- did you know that Schaap has colitis? Makes this poem even more believable…you are genius.
Somebody needs to insert a King James Version scripture using the word “bowels” here.
(I’m a bit sleep-deprived today, or I’d find one myself.)
How about Genesis 15:4?
“And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own BOWELS shall be thine heir.”
Or Job 20: 14-15?
“Yet his meat in his BOWELS is turned, it is the gall of asps within him.
He hath swallowed down riches, and he shall vomit them up again: God shall cast them out of his belly.”
This made me guffaw.
Awesome! I think he does this to prepare for every sermon. Explains the insanity, I think.
Excellent work, sir! The phrase “fecal matter” has been one of my all time faves for like 2 decades. It’s highly underused, and your usages was just pitch perfect!
Don, you owe me a new keyboard 😆 😀
You know I must be a glutton for punishment because I re-read GWBT this evening and nearly lost a keyboard myself when I got to the first two words on line 8. In light of ‘Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy, those two little words take on a WHOLE new meaning…. 😯 😉
Don, I laughed so hard…
Of course, having pre-colonoscopy bowel trouble is never an excuse for missin’ a church service. 3 to thrive makes gid happy after all!
“Sing it to yourself when you feel forlorn.” That’s so unbiblical!!! When I feel down, I remind myself of God’s love for me, not keep chanting about the job I’m supposed to be doing.
“Tell it when you’re grown and feel a little odd.”
That doesn’t even make sense. These are meaningless stupid syllables thrown in so he could complete the line and be able to rhyme the next line with “bod.” This is meaningless drivel. Who grows up and feels odd? Shouldn’t you feel odd as a gangly teen? Or as an old person with a fat, bald bod? This is some of the most ridiculous drivel I’ve ever read.
Agreed, PW. I’ve read a lot of literature and poetry (heck, I used to be an English major before I switched to Communication Studies)… Schaap’s “poem” is some of the worst drivel I’ve ever read.
“Just get the message out; that’s the Savior’s earnest plea.”
JUST get the message out? No, that’s NOT Christ’s earnest plea.
He also wants us to love one another. He wants us to be humble and compassionate. He wants us to know Him.
But as we all know, relationship is way too difficult for fundies to deal with. Let’s make a rule to follow instead of an example of love to follow.
Like Jesus is just sitting up there saying, “Oh, I WISH they would get my message out… my hands are tied.”
Bad Poetry, Oh Noetry!
I think he learned to rhyme from reading Dr Seuss books. I do not like this guy named Jack, I do not like how he attack.
I do not think that he is good,
to print this wasted lots of wood.
He made this poem way too long,
I hope he does not write a song.
I did not like the men from Ghana,
Their scary chanting made me wanna,
Take my money from the plate,
grab my bike and leave the state.
He tries too hard
He is no bard
This poem he wrote we must discard.
To please Cindy
He strives to be
A sad copy of her dad-dy.
“tell it to neighbors in the streets and the lanes,
tell it to a stranger on the bus or in a plane”
or would you, could you in a house?
…would you, could you with a mouse?
I would not, could not, here or there,
I will not, shalt not anywhere.
Send him, send him send him soon. Send that Jack Schapp to the MOON!
^ Like!
Only in the fundy world does “make disciples” mean “win”.
“fundy logic” deserves its own wikipedia page.
I would like to nominate you and Scorpio to submit one.
Haha. You could help out too, Polished.
It would be honor. But I just checked out Wikipedia and it seems like a lot of work to do to get a page started.
So relieved I’m outta there!
Hubby HATES the screaming mentality they have in sermons! I tend to be a little softer toward IFB’s giving them a “completely ignorant” card- but I have to agree with the screaming.
Relax, slow down, and really teach these students the truth- not screaming rhymes.
Even when I was in college, I knew I didn’t want to be in a church where the pastor screamed at me. No way! I never imagined that 20 years later, I’d not self-identify as a fundamentalist, but I could identify even then abusive, soul-crushing behavior.
My experience exactly.
Hey PSW…all of us rebels that left around the same time need to have a reunion sometime this summer. SFL meeting of the minds… 😎
Oh please, please, let’s do this. It would be so awesome!
You all could meet with skirts and panty hose for old times sake 😀
Keep your fetishes to yourself, P.S. 😉
Better yet, I think the ladies in this get-together should take a moment to walk around the lake at HAC all wearing sleeveless tops, open toed shoes and the nicest, tightest jeans we own. I would count it a great privilege to be escorted off campus by whichever Barney Fife is on duty. 😉
That’s hilarious! “keep your fetishes to yourself”
That’s one thing I’m not allowed to wear- panty hose and skirts 🙂
A reunion sounds awesome- but I’m not 100% sure who ekj is??
You probably wouldn’t know me or remember me, but I know who you and your hubby are. I was in college with IAHB and also your sister and her hubby. I escaped a couple of years ago and still live in NWI. I just may be giving you a call some time to do our family portraits. I visited your website, and I like your work – your little guy is so cute!
Thanks! There’s actually a giveaway on my blog right now for followers!
The screaming is a good way to “weed out” the bad ones- like me 🙂
Either that, or they just like to hear themselves scream.
Maybe both-
All I know is it doesn’t work. It just gives a very cultish vibe.
That’s some really bad poetry.
As someone who is passionate about orphans, I take issue with – well the whole thing, but in particular that if you scream the good news at an orphan God will be pleased. *Growl* God is pleased when we place orphans into our familes, not preach at them.
The whole stupid part about getting the desitute saved is so unlike God. Jesus didn’t tell the poor and needy, “Ye must be born again.” He fed them, and healed them.
Ok trying to calm down…
Jack Shaap sucks at poems
No, seriously he sucks
I wrote a haiku
I just choked on my sandwich.
That is awesomeness
On a plate served with a side
Of still more awesome
Jack inflates numbers
His own kingdom he’s building
Pat your own back Jack
HAiCu
Jack worships himself.
He praises his own glory
And almighty Hyles’.
I think you need some typos for it to be a true HAC version of a Haiku! 🙂
I like Haiku’s. I like them even better with Big Gary’s new spelling of HAiCu
Invite your neighbors
Spin the big prize wheel to win
Inflated ego
Statue of Jack Hyles
Come worship the “chosen” one
Bow before your Baal
Now close your Bible
Says Jack Schaap to the sheeple
I’m all that you need
Now that was painful to read—barely could get through it. Certainly am not up to watching that vid.
Jack Schaap hit a trap
That fell on his head.
He failed to mention the Christ
That rose from the dead.
He gives a rant and a blow
And a rip of the face,
A scream and a failure
To tell about grace.
A chant of the self:
Self-centered, self-pleased.
Trapped in the dark
Of his self-disease.
Pharisaical induction
Drowning the flock
In words without meaning:
Not a sermon, but a mock.
All praise to the Schaap,
Whose bondage of pain
Gives rhyme-strained lines
Where Christ is not named.
-Halcyon 2011
Bravo! Well done!
Bravo! I tip my hat. Most excellent
Dwaaaa. Thanks, guys!
The poem lists all the things that are wrong with their churches and then surmises that the reason is that they aren’t being bold enough? Lord have mercy
I was going to say something about this too…well, I guess I am now, in responding to you.
The gist of this “poem” is that whatever you’re doing, it’s not enough. The dwindling members, the lack of “converts”, it’s all “YOUR” fault. It couldn’t possibly be that the MOG is the problem, and he’s the one driving everyone away. Nope, it’s all you slackers not doing your jobs of “Go! Win! Baptize! Teach!” I would seriously love to know if Jack Schaap would ever admit to a fault of his.
Brown Shirted Nazi Rally Like Stuff
Heh heh. I just recently learned that for decades some of our relatives have referred to FBC/ HAC as being “Seig Hyles”
I think we should round all these up and submit them to next month’s “Christian Womanhood!” Have them sent in from all over the world. 😈
Then sit back and watch the Fundie Kabuki Theatre presentation of “I, Martyr.”
That would be awesome!
A potpourri of pre-WWII Germany vibe, with a strong North Korean influence.
I can’t stop picking away at this poem.
“Toot it on your horn” – (OK, that just sounds silly)
“Or play it on some strings” – (unless the strings are electric guitars)
“Hoist up your voice til the rafters ring!” (while “hoist” and “voice” have a nice repetitive sound and the alliteration of “rafters ring” is catchy, this line shows the danger of using a thesaurus without thinking about the nuances of words. You can LIFT up your voice, but you never HOIST UP your voice. That just sounds ridiculous.)