Doctrine

Commandments Concerning God’s Will

164 Comments

And concerning God’s Will thou shalt strive with all diligence to figure out where it is hiding and stand in the perfect center of it. And thou shalt accomplish this task with all fear and trembling for one false step shall surely mean utter destruction of thee and all thine house and thy little dog too.

And when thou abidest in God’s will thou shall in any wise take care that thou not scooch up over on the side nearby the edge or lollygag over on the left side of it nor take field trips over to the right. For if thou takest but one small step to the right or the left thou shalt land right smack dab in the permissive will of God and this is confusion of heart and will land thee in a heap of trouble.

And even if thou shalt be in the perfect center and not in the permissive nor yet standing outside it where the Presbyterians freely roam, thou shalt still spend many weary hours second guessing and agonizing over the one thou shalt marry, and the school thou shalt attend, and on which street thou shalt soulwin. For the Lord doth dearly love to play head games with thee and then chuckle at thy missteps.

And if it shall come to pass that thou know not at all the will of God, thou shalt seek it out from the Holy Spirit. And for thy convenience the Holy Spirit hath taken residence inside the leadership of thy local New Testament Independent Fundamental Bible Believing Baptist Church and thou mayest ask the leadership what the Spirit sayeth on any matter they shall be more than happy to tell thee.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p 15

164 thoughts on “Commandments Concerning God’s Will”

  1. grew up with Frank Garlock
    so for any of you who have not heard of him
    …well, any song with a beat (especially drums) is from the devil and can immediately be assumed it is NOT in God’s will (just for future reference)

  2. I propose a new term for people who’ve gotten out of this particular doctrine: “Free-Range Christians”.

  3. I’ll never forget the day I realized that no father would ever intentionally hide from his kids what he wants them to do, and especially not punish them for not divining his hidden will.

    I’ll admit I didn’t read all 150 comments, so I imagine it’s been said already, but here goes anyway: behind every “difficult-to-decipher” case of God’s will is a power-hungry preacher who wants to live vicariously through his sheep.

    1. I loved your word picture regarding a father and his children…this is one of the few ways I have been able to let go of MMCA,MBBC,BJU,GARBC,IFB
      “God in a box” crapola.
      (it goes w/out saying I’m messed up).
      Thinking of God in a father role helps put things in perspective for me. You’ll be glad to know
      I was brought back to God by the Mennonites and chicken n’noodles…

  4. Good news we don’t have ourselfs to blame anymore for not being in the perfect will of god. Like other people have said if you pick don’t pick the right school you won’t marry the right girl you won’t have the right kids! So it’s our parents fault

  5. This is simply one of the funniest things I’ve read in a very long time (must not get out much) and those “Fundy Rules”…well,don’t get me started.
    Seriously, I’m thinking about cancelling therapy and wonder if Darrell charges by the hour or by blog…
    I believe it was God’s will that I just happened upon this site 😉

    1. I know what you mean! I’ve found it very healing to be able to talk about the things that bothered me but I never dared say.

  6. This is hilarious! Send it to Gary Friesen — he should get a kick out of it too.

  7. @attorneymyers – minor point, but Dr. Friesen spells his name Garry. I read his book on God’s will about 30 years ago, and that was a real turning point in God delivering me from the chains of fundamentalism, guilt trips, and man-centered religion.

  8. “New Testament Independent Fundamental Bible Believing Baptist Church”

    Sometimes I wonder if fundamentalists ever read the old testament.

  10. I think both sides go to the extreme. The real issue is this: Do I love Jesus Christ with all my heart or not? If I love Him, I’ll do what He says; if I don’t, I won’t. It’s not a matter of legalism, but relationship. It’s so simple, but both sides forget. I’m finished. Have a great day.

  11. I thought that papal infallibility was one of the reasons that Protestants became… well… Protestants. Now you’ve got this diagram showing how the pastor is perfect, along with the words to back it up. How is this different than the Catholic dogma of yesteryear?

    1. Papal infallibility couldn’t have been one of the reasons for the Reformation, because the doctrine of Papal Infallibility was not promulgated until the 19th century. Popes before that either weren’t infallible, or didn’t tell people that they were.
      The Reformation (the birth of the Protestant churches) happened in the 16th century– more than 300 years earlier.

      The Papal infallibility rule is, however, one of the major reasons I personally never joined the Roman Catholic Church.

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