Music, People

Pirates!

213 Comments

Ron Hamilton is one of the strange examples of someone who has managed to flit between fundy camps without having most folks take shots at him. He’s married to the daughter of the BJU Godfather of music…but still manages to be revered at PCC, show up to the Hyles Pastor’s School, and here is being lauded at West Coast Baptist. That’s a minor miracle.

The best part about this video is some of the comments on Youtube, including the following:

This is not a Christ centered ministry. It is making a mockery of the faith. Pirates have nothing to do with the Christian faith. What is wrong with you people?! Four Americans who were delivering Bibles to Africa were murdered by pirates not to long ago.

There’s just no pleasing some people!

213 thoughts on “Pirates!”

    1. Congrats! Yesterday I wished there was a twitter equivalent of this when I was the first to follow @FundySermons

      1. And I was actually one who was getting tired of the ‘first’ thing. Couldn’t help myself this morning though when I saw the comment section empty.

        1. I’m of the opinion of people like doing something, and it’s not hurting anyone….

    3. I had the opportunity to be first this morning, but when I contemplated it, it brought me no special excitement so I decided to let another have that honor.

  2. I love that “flitting about various camps”. I think it’s kind of a sign of desperation that they all have to cling to the last fundy music supestar there probably is ever gonna be.

    1. People will go on writing hymns, but Hamilton for all his ridiculousness does put some amusing phrases into semi-catch tunes. Most people that can do that leave fundydom if they were ever it in (turns out anger doesn’t foster all that much creativity — go figure).

    2. I also found it strange that he was at Pastor’s School a year or two ago, because I always thought he was solidly in the BJU camp. But I also heard at one time that BJU didn’t like one of his songs or something and that it was banned from campus?

      1. “The Ballad of Big Toe” didn’t pass BJU’s music check because it was too similiar to “Big John.”

        At least, that’s what I heard when a student at PCC.

        1. I’m just slightly more concerned that the Ballad of Big Toe is even listened to at college than the fact that it was banned.

  4. I do think it’s odd parents would set up a raper and pillager as a role model for their children.

    1. It is ironic because fundies are so often overscrupulous about association. I guess it’s because he’s so anachronistic with his patch, puffy shirt, red sash, and parrot that they give him a pass. Or maybe it’s the alliteration: Patch the Pirate. As long as it’s alliterated, fundies approve. I think a lot of unBiblical stuff has slid by congregations because they pastor alliterated his points.

    2. I think its because Disney made it fun with how they portrayed Pirates in both the ride at Disneyland and the movies that they came out with in the ’60’s. So, he thought it would work for him. For the same reason that Veggie Tales did the “Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything” movie.

      He lost his eye and had to wear a patch, and so he thought he’d market that.

    4. The YouTube commenter has a point.
      Yes, pirates wear some cool clothes, and they like parrots, and they get to say “Arrrrh” a lot, but they also rob, murder and rape people as a career choice. Should pirates really be our heroes?

    5. Seriously? Are there parents or children who grew up listening to Patch the Pirate who now think that real pirating is ok because of this? I doubt it. It’s capitalizing on childhood imagination. Do you ban your kids from playing cops and robbers because they don’t truly understand the nature of criminals?

      1. Elizabeth – The comments are based on the double standard that fundies impose. Fundies say we should avoid any appearance of evil (ie can’t go to the movies – you might see an R-rated movie, don’t drink root beer out of a bottle – someone might think it is beer etc. etc.) but they seem to be alright with a children’s character who represents mostly bad things (yes Patch is a “nice” pirate).

      2. Scorpio explained this well.

        I really don’t have a problem with someone dressing as a pirate, but rather with churches who are sticklers on so many, many details, prohibiting lots of things in our culture, but letting Patch the Pirate slide. The judgment that they’ve turned on others we’re simply turning back on them!

        And, BTW, lots of people won’t let their kids play cops and robbers or allow guns in pretend play at all. My mother disliked my interest in acting because she thought actors who had to play villains were running the risk of sin, because you had to think about bad things in order to realistically portray a bad character.

        1. Gosh, PW, there are lots of worse things to worry about in acting than playing the part of the bad girl (or guy).

        2. True, but my acting was in a small public high school, mostly Shakespeare plays, and at BJU so all the other stuff didn’t come into play. And in high school, when everyone else participated in a square dance on stage, I dutifully asked not to do it, because I knew my parents wouldn’t like it. (They still left the play partway through because they didn’t like it.)

        5. Only once did my mom let me try out for a school play. Oliver. I signed up to try out for an extra. When my mom found that out she made me drop out. Why? Because if I wasn’t going to try out for the lead, I couldn’t be in the play, otherwise, I’d have too much time to sit around and fraternize with the sinners. I’d never done any acting, I was supposed to try out for the lead??

    6. For crying out loud, his wife is the daughter of Frank Garlock. How could fundies not like him?

      I saw him in person once at a conference. For all of his booming voice, he’s a very short man. My kids got him to sign their Bibles.

      His Christmas cantatas have already been dissected, so I will leave them alone except to say that you nearly needed to be almost a professional singer to hit all of those notes. :mrgreen:

  5. Well, of course he has to flirt with all of the camps. How else is he going to sell his pseudo-Disney-pirate-themed crap?

  6. I thought Patch the Pirate was part of the AWANA thing. Guess I’m out of the loop (not that I mind . . .)

    1. Patch the Pirate came up with his alternate children’s program. Some churches who felt AWANA was not separated enough, chose to do the Hamilton program instead.

  7. A pirate is a criminal. Piracy is a form of organized crime.

    While some can find fictional characters charming and delightful, e.g. Patch the Pirate and Captain Jack Sparrow, reality is different.

    I enjoy the characters/movies with my family. At the appropriate time, I also make them aware of the reality of piracy.

  8. I’m producing a new line of children’s music featuring Harry the Hun, Vince the Vandal, and Gary the Goth.

      1. Sadly, Jack the Ripper fails the test of alliterated names. Now Ralph the Ripper might do.

    4. But somehow I don’t think Wanda the Witch would be so well-received… or Sammy the Satanist.

  9. Patch the pirate was semi- accepted at my IFBC (when I type that it looks like a type of root beer). Some cassettes were O.K. but some strayed a LITTLE too far into the worldly music category. Syncopated with drums *gasp* and what not. The traditional Ron H was very holy though.

    Of course the only way to know they were wrong was to bring in the “Bad” ones and play them in church. This was accompanied by a lot of yelling and shouts of “Wicked!” during the cool … errrr … bad parts.

    I know this has been discussed, but how is it OK to play the “bad” music in church to show everyone the wickedness of the music. I noticed that this was never done to show how pornography was wrong. Just an observation.

      1. it’s the AV 1611 of audio recordings.

        A CD is close …. like the NKJV.
        Now, if your church does things like pod-casts or mp3 formats, that’s straight off the map bible “per”versions.

        2. which makes the “original” spoken word of the MoG … canon or ex cathedra. I guess a transcript of the message is “the originals”

        3. Yes, vinyl would be the Vulgate. Shellac (a 78rpm Victrola record) would be the papyri copies of the first two or three centuries of Christian history and the cylinder (Edison-type) would be the original God-breathed manuscripts.

    2. It might really boost your attendance if you had weekly demonstrations of evils like pornography, fornication, drink, drugs, rock’n’roll, etc., especially if these demonstrations involved a lot of congregational participation. 😈

      1. Gary,
        those demonstrations did happen, just in secret. Sunday was the one day we didn’t do those things, because that’s when we put our masks on and pretended we didn’t do thoe things.

      2. You are on to something. I’ve always thought that the church should encourage crime, that way more people will go to prison and then they get saved! It’s a great evangelistic strategy!

  10. When I see this crap, I’m grateful that I went to a church that was soo fundy we thought this was liberal. The best part of this video? 4:53….”How many of you pastors and parents raised your kids with Patch the Pirate music, let me just see your hands…”

    1. It’s easier to be successful when entire churches label every other entertainment option as worldly.

    1. I like the scholarly, pedantic tone of that Wikipedia article:
      “Prayers are concluded with a final declaration of affirmation, “R’amen”; the term is a parodic portmanteau of the Semitic term “Amen” and the Sino-Japanese noodle dish, ramen.[11]”

      Oh, really? Thank you for that much-needed explanation.

  12. That youtube comment is pure bliss in my book, btw. Makes me wish I read comments on YouTube more often!

  13. I found it so bizarre that my fundy former inlaws had this idea that Patch the Pirate was so widely popular. I did NOT grow up fundy, and I had never heard of him (thank goodness!) Listening to this video, you would seriously think that all kinds of “wordly” children were listening to this and being saved. The inlaws were seriously astounded that I had no idea who he was, and were like, “Well, what did you listen to as a child?!” When I said, “Um… Sesame Street,” the air became thick with disapproval. Then it was MY turn to be astounded that they had a problem with Sesame Street! I feel like I’ve been dealing with space aliens.

    1. Nobody outside of Fundydom has heard of Patch the Pirate. I never knew about him until I started reading Stuff Fundies Like.

      1. Mmmm, I was raised evangelical (Southern Baptist) but not really fundy, and I had that stuff when I was a kid. Then again, both of my parents were raised by fundies so maybe it was just kind of left over. Hey, we kids played around with it, wasn’t as good as VeggieTales, better than Mom’s radio station, etc. ‘Twas part of my childhood, just not one that makes me teary-eyed with nostalgia.

    2. Fundies often only socialize or interact with people in their own churches or “churches of like faith and practice.” Stay-at-home moms are often especially isolated because they do not go to a job where they’d interact with a more diverse group of people (although even if they do, fundies oten dismiss them as “worldly” thus completely discounting them). Anyway, when you’ve completely surrounded yourself with one particular culture, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that others are experiencing life differently. Thus the surprise from your inlaws. The disapproval though? That’s typical fundy, but unloving and unChristlike.

      1. Your comment here is exactly right, pastor’s wife! I lived that life before. So glad to be free of it. And, now to see that there are others out there with many different backgrounds. When your entire social life is your church & family (almost all fundy family)you don’t even realize that there are others out there that love the Lord but aren’t fundy. Wow, imagine that! It is either the fundy way or the worldly (non-Christian way) way to fundies. So sad……they miss out on so much. I enjoy your comments, pastor’s wife.

      2. Well spoken, PW. When I left fundy land, I felt the culture shock. Worse than when we came back to the states from Portugal.

        1. Trust me, it’s just as much of a culture shock for non-fundies who find themselves in the midst of fundies! I never knew how I was going to offend them next. Since I didn’t know the “rules,” it was like walking through a minefield.

  14. Ah, Patch the Pirate – the soundtrack of my youth!
    I had every single Patch tape memorized (the perfect distraction on car trips) up untiil Jr. High – in fact, I can recite portions of them to this day.

    When I was 6 years old, I sang “Camp Food” (Camp Kookawacka Woods)as a sunday evening special at church. As a family camper at the Wilds, I had my photo taken whilst sitting in Patch’s lap!

    Additionally, I graduated from, and then helped facilitate our church’s Wednesday night Patch the Pirate club. (which, by the way, was an excellent introduction to music theory, and helped cultivate competent choir members and music readers)

    In short, I found Patch the Pirate to be the shiz!!! Imagine my HORROR when David Cloud came to our church and pronounced that my beloved Patch was hurtling headlong down the road of Compromise by using wordly, honky-tonk music styles in his newer story-tapes???

    It was a LONG time before I realized that trivializing and glorifying pirates was morally irresponsible.

    1. Oh, and I forgot – I performed the role of Sissy Seagull (complete with bird costume)alongside my dad as Patch the Pirate in our church’s production of Patch Goes to the Jungle.

    1. Isn’t his father-in-law Frank Garlock? And I think one of their daughters married Tom Farrell’s son.

      2. Fundy inbreeding…the circle of acceptable families is ever shrinking. They must intermarry to produce the ultimate superfundy…that is, if they don’t produce only female children, but that’s another comment for another blog post!

  16. Titus and I have spoken, via our letters, about having the song “Lord, Bless Our Home” at our wedding one day. We also heard this one at a wedding of one of my Homeschool Fellowship chums: http://abidingsong.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/heirstogether-duet.pdf

    I hope that maybe we can do both, but we don’t want it to be too long of a wedding ceremony. Pastor has said that it’s too much like a Catholic church when the weddings have lots of Scripture readings and songs.

    2. Be prepared CMG! If the pastor’s gives an invitation you won’t be the only one walking down the aisle.

    1. Same reason as the Oscars, Grammy’s etc.

      It’s a self congratulatory club annual aknowledgement

    2. The proliferation of awards these days drives me crazy. Everybody constantly gives out awards for everything. The result, of course, is that awards have been cheapened to where they now mean next to nothing.

  18. I can’t help it. I love Patch the Pirate. He’s one of the few good memories I have from growing up in fundy land. I remember singing some of his songs for some of my first singing competitions, and now I’m an opera singer.

    1. I agree! Those tapes were the soundtrack to every family road trip we took. The stories were fun and the songs were pretty catchy. I definitely have a soft place in my heart for Patch the Pirate.

    2. My four year old nephew is a big fan. His mother got him a patch a while back, and he wasn’t just any pirate…he was “Patch the pirate.”

      He doesn’t try to steal or pillage when he is a pirate at least not more than he does the rest of the time. 😉

    4. Agree 100%

      No need to bash the Patch

      It’s like hating on Mickey Mouse.

      Ron Hamilton is atalented man sharing with the world something innocent and joyful.

        1. grge – you’re thinking of Mighty Mouse, not Mickey. Mighty Mouse was one of my favorites when I was a child.

  19. I think that Ron Hamilton has a sense of humility that is very rare in fundy land. Perhaps this is what contributes to his being accepted across the various camps.

    I grew up on Patch the Pirate and honestly would not have any trouble letting my kids listen to his stories. (Caveat: I haven’t listened to most of his newer stuff; the last one I heard was the one with Big Toe). One of my favorite songs of his is “Rejoice in the Lord”

    1. My kids occasionally listen to him, too. I don’t have too many problems with it. The occasional song is steeped in fundy rules, but for the most part, it’s okay. They can’t ever listen to a whole cd in one sitting, and usually we use them for bedtime music. That lack of beat comes in real handy for sleepy time. 😆

    2. I think that Ron Hamilton has a sense of humility that is very rare in fundy land. Perhaps this is what contributes to his being accepted across the various camps.

      It’s why I still like him. He’s talented and has written much more than just kid’s songs. I think he does his work and writes his music with the best of intentions. Even if I don’t agree with all the theology, I can’t fault that.

  20. Forty comments in and no one has broken out: “murdered by pirates is good”????

    What’s wrong with you people? Your Princess Bride geek cards are being revoked. Please see the dean of men/women after chapel to turn yours in.

  21. Well, David Cloud has a problem with Ron Hamilton.

    Is there anyone, apart from himself, that Cloud doesn’t have a problem with?

  22. My favorite part of this video is the tiers of girls flipping their hair and chewing gum behind the podium. You can really see it in the first part.

  23. Did you notice that, by way of praising his wife, Ron Hamilton says, “What a provision of the Lord she has been.”?
    Is this a common expression in Fundyland?
    I might say about my wife that she is smart, kind, strong, beautiful, witty, and good, but it would not occur to me to call her “a provision of the Lord” (like a loaf of bread or something). To me, she is a person in her own right.

    1. Maybe it’s the same as saying “gift from God”? I would easily say my husband is a gift from God, but not a “provision.” That sounds like frontier food stuffs.

      1. That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking! To think of a spouse as a “gift from God” is common. To change the word “gift” into a more serious-sounding word like “provision” is also common in fundy circles (note the fancy phrasing often used during prayers).

    2. If HF used “provision” to describe me, it most definitely would mean something sexual.

      Come to think of it, he does call me his Krispy Kreme sometimes…

      …but that was a bit of too much information. 😉

      1. I have no trouble imagining you as a Krispy Kreme.
        … if that isn’t too much information. 😳

      3. TMI TMI! I’m moving over to the side where the butt cushion isn’t? Can someone direct me which side that is now?

        3. There’s just no stopping a true performance artist, even when it’s too much. And who would want to?

  24. You know what’s funny. My fundy aunt sends my kids Patch the Pirate cd’s as gifts (she secretly wishes I would realize the error of my ways and return to fundydom). My kids have listened to the occasional song, and they are aware the cd’s are called Patch the Pirate. My kids also watch Spongebob Squarepants, and if anyone is familiar with him, the Spongebob fan club is run by “Patchy the Pirate.” My kids think he’s the same guy… Awesome. I’m sure that would thrill Ron Hamilton.

    1. That’s pretty funny, and something I can see kids’ being easily confused by. I would also hazard a guess that more kids know who “Patchy the Pirate” is than “Patch the Pirate”. Now I have this image of the one from Spongebob replacing Ron Hamilton in all of the “Patch” roles, and it would be pretty funny.

    2. Sponge Bob’s Patchy The Pirate (also the voice of Mr Crabs) is awesome. That is all.

      1. Actually “Patchy the Pirate” is the voice of Spongebob himself. Tom Kenny is the actor behind the patch…and sponge.

  25. Imagine my shock when listening to the Bloodhound Gang CD and heard a Patch the Pirate voice over on the intro to the song Butt Pirate. Seriously.

    2. you are being much too reserved, you really should post the lyrics they chose to use – it would add a whole other dimension to this dicussion

  26. I also grew up on “Patch the Pirate”, as well as a few others, like “Psalty”. Ron Hamilton was treated like a superstar when he came to our church, I remember how much excitement there was about it. Our little “Patch” club was beside ourselves because we got to perform in front of him. And, our church school put on several of the musicals.

    What’s funny now is that there are these levels of celebrity. One person’s idol is another person’s “huh? Who is that?”. Only Fundies would know about Ron Hamilton and treat him like Johnny Depp…

  27. Generally, it becomes more acceptable to re-enact or play something wicked as more time passes. For example, lots of people enjoy going out an re-enacting as Waffen SS soldiers, complete with authentic uniforms, weapons and vehicles. My own family, celebrating Hannukah in a hotel room with the shades drawn, once pretended to re-enact the Inquisition. But all of us would be shocked if someone suggested putting together a model 767 and playing Mohammed Atta and company.

    Real pirates didn’t make the news again until the last decade; in the 80s, when this guy came up with his character, they were thought of as anachronistic character. So who can blame him for doing the best he had with his handicap?

      1. Excellent point about the distance that time brings.

        No hassle from me about being redundant! I’ve often hit “submit” a trifle too quickly!

      2. And BTW, we re-enacted the celebration of Hannukah during the Inquisition, not the Inquisition itself!

        2. Yep, read it three times and was trying to decipher the sarcasm? But it wasn’t…hmmmm…thanks for clearing that up. Makes all the sense in the world now

    2. “… lots of people enjoy going out an re-enacting as Waffen SS soldiers, complete with authentic uniforms, weapons and vehicles.”

      Huh? Outside of people making movies about World War II, who does that? If you did that in my neighborhood, almost everybody would think you were somewhere way beyond insane. My ex-landlord is a World War II combat veteran, and he would not be amused at all.

      1. This became a big issue when a journalist discovered that a GOP House candidate in Ohio was doing this.

        http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2010/10/why-is-this-gop-house-candidate-dressed-as-a-nazi/64319/

        Even I, a descendant of Holocaust survivors, am very interested in Nazi Germany from a historical perspective, so I can see where the fascination comes from. There may well be some undercover neo-nazis among these re-enactors, but the particular candidate seemed pretty pro-Israel. So I don’t think it’s fair that he was tarred with that brush.

  28. I used to love Patch’s tapes. When I left Fundy land we went to an SBC church and I taught Children’s Choir and did the songs and I hadn’t out the tapes to the kids.

    Now I have kids, I have young kids. When I brought out the Patch tapes for them to listen to I’d just crings while listening to them in the car with them. The tapes steriotype every nationality and personality type out there in the name of comedy.

    I have 2 daughters from China. Do you know how insulting Who FLung Chow is?? So not funny. It’s only funny to white people who attend churches that are full of white people and never get out of their churches to see that the world is a melting pot and it’s uncool to make fun of nationalities or even regions of America.

    It embarasses me that I used to give kids these tapes.

    1. pretty accurate assessment of the whole hot mess – the pirate thing should barely show up on radar

    2. Yes, I think you’ve summed it up pretty well, Escapee. Using ethnic stereotypes for humor is easy, but cheap and offensive. It demeans the person who does it. And Patch the Pirate is of recent vintage. I might look at it differently if it was a relic from, say, 1890 or so, when sensitivities about using stereotypes were different.

  29. I seriously can’t believe that so many people are taking offense on the basis that pirates do bad stuff. And I thought that fundies complain too much. I hope that all of you that are complaining about pirates being bad did not sit and watch Pirates of the Caribbean and enjoy it.

    I hope that you critiized in your mind that everything that pirates stand for and how no one should be glorifying sin and wickedness such as pirating.

    Give me a break! 👿

    1. Kevin, did you read the comments?

      Scorpio said, “The comments are based on the double standard that fundies impose. Fundies say we should avoid any appearance of evil (ie can’t go to the movies – you might see an R-rated movie, don’t drink root beer out of a bottle – someone might think it is beer etc. etc.) but they seem to be alright with a children’s character who represents mostly bad things (yes Patch is a “nice” pirate).” and I said, “I really don’t have a problem with someone dressing as a pirate, but rather with churches who are sticklers on so many, many details, prohibiting lots of things in our culture, but letting Patch the Pirate slide. The judgment that they’ve turned on others we’re simply turning back on them!”

      We’re not taking offense because “pirates do bad stuff.” We’re bothered that fundies think this is OK, but condemn others for doing things. Ever heard a fundy act like the world is coming to an end because they see kids dressed as Harry Potter for Halloween?

      Fundies have made separation a major doctrine, and we’re just calling them on their convenient ability to overlook separation when they WANT to.

      1. Ok. 😎 You go ahead and keep believing that. I really respect your opinions, but there are several people that are legitimately criticizing the whole idea of people playing pirates. I had enough people telling me what to believe in fundyland that it really bothers me when I see it on this site.

        There are plenty of things that have problems if you choose to find the bad parts of stuff. This is the same reasoning that leads fundies to rejecting Harry Potter, Halloween, Narnia, dressing up as any manner of things, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, etc.

        Maybe we are actually agreeing, but that wasn’t the idea that I got from several posts.

        1. I think most of the commenters were thinking the way I was (although I could be wrong!), but I did pick up on one or two comments that sounded like they someone was seriously upset about “glorifying” pirates. It didn’t seem that that was the general trend of the thread though.

          My parents were one of those that didn’t like Narnia, Halloween, Santa, the Easter Bunny, or the tooth fairy, and they would have despised Harry Potter. I’m not sure what they would have thought of Ron Hamilton. (My childhood was before his popularity. I had a record of a singing doll called Marcy though.) I know my dad would’ve picked up on any “worldly” beats in his later albums.

    2. Kevin sez:
      “I hope that all of you that are complaining about pirates being bad did not sit and watch Pirates of the Caribbean and enjoy it.”

      I didn’t. Not that I want to ban that movie or anything, but I didn’t watch it. I get that it’s fun to play “pirate” and all, but pirates are real and horrible. Would you like your children playing “Terrorist Suicide Bomber” or “Psychotic Serial Killer”?
      Working with refugees, I’ve known some former “boat people” from southeast Asia who have been attacked by real pirates. The pirates raped the women and girls, tortured the boys and men, killed some of both, and took all their possessions including their food and the clothes on their backs, then left them adrift on the sea in leaky boats. Meeting people who had been through that took all the fun out of pretending to be pirates for me.

      1. All that said though, yes, it’s the double standard that bothers me most. The same people who say you can’t go to a movie theater or listen to hymns with a backbeat are fine with teaching kids to be outlaw robbers of the seas. The grog-drinking alone should be enough to make piracy taboo for fundies. Not to mention pirates’ lax dress standards (I notice that even patch isn’t brave enough to wear an authentic pirate hairstyle).

      2. My favorite trilogy of all time, hands down no question. I’ll be at the theatre on May 20, you can be sure.

  30. Ehhh…I’ve got a soft spot for the guy. He *was* my music pastor for four years. Knowing him and most of his kids (I was in grad school with one of them) I can honestly say he’s a stand-up guy with a cool family. Sometimes came off (to me) as a little embarrassed with the whole Pirate thing unless he’s around little kids. And (not that this is saying a lot) as music directors in the Greenville area go, he’s a little more progressive than most. Thumbs up from my corner. 🙂

  31. Don’t make me break out into some “Temper Tantrum Tilly”!!!

    I’ll do it!!!

    (I sang that in elementary chapel and still remember some of the words)

      1. Wait a minute… Don’t tell me you’re not the Rachel that I sang that song with in elementary chapel.

        (it would be REALLY cool if you were)

        I sang it with a Rachel and someone else and I can’t remember the name.

  32. S’ok, because the pirates we think of are white anglo saxon, so its all good, the raping and pillaging and such.
    White people + tradition = we can like this.

  33. I have songs that are permanently embedded into my brain. If only there was some sort of “fundy bleach.”

    1. yep! If you work hard enough, you can eliminate not just sin, but innocent childish behavior from your life young’ns! It would be best if you accomplished this before you have Jim Berg in a position of authority over you as he will require you to put your shoulder to the wheel and your nose to the grindstone of changing yourself into his image.

  35. With the West Coast Baptist Cruise coming up, I’m surprised that they’re happy to have ol’ patch around!

    1. The absolute creepiest song in the history of creepiness. Until you mentioned it, though, I had forgotten that Ron Hamilton wrote it.
      What the hell was he thinking?

  37. Thar’s only one thing that be missin’ from this here postin’, and that be a Piratey, “ARRRRRR!”
    So there it be.
    “ARRRRRR!” 😎

      1. Give us an “ARRRRRRR!” Natilie!

        I’ze expects top be seein’ an “ARRRRRRR!” from the rests of youse regular scallywaggs as well.

        Give us an “ARRRRRRR!” fer Capt’n Darrell!

        3. ARRRRHH!

          or maybe

          Ahoy there me hearties!

          Lets all sing a rousing chorus of “Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum!” Followed by “Captain Feathersword” (maybe that could be Darrell’s pirate name)

          *Apologies for the gratuitous Wiggles reference

        4. Capt’n Darrell, I could only find two crew members willin’ to give ye an “ARRRRRR!” And one of them was a wee bit less than, shall we say enthusiastic, about it. (“Arr”??) Will ye be with-holdin’ this week’s ration of grog until ye get some more enthusiastic “ARRRRRRs?”

          This be a scurvy lot! No appreciation fer the Capt’n… only two “ARRRRRRs!”

          What’s the Piratin’ world comin’ to? 🙄

        6. Arrrrrr!

          Don, first you had us picking up an oar; now we’ve got to join in your group cheers (or grunts); when does it end?

        8. Arrr, avast, ye lubbers! Get the slack out of yer mains’ls an’ swab the quarter deck, afore I keelhauls ye. Arrrrrrrrrr.

        10. ARRRRRRR! Where’s the grog? I’ll send ya all to Davey Jones’ locker. ARRRRRRRR!

      1. Wow, that was really clean.
        Let’s see a show of hands: How many think the lead pirate would have looked more authentic without that bright-red fanny pack?

  38. The church I was in was anti-patch the pirate because of the music and because the animals could talk (seriously).

    1. Wow! Fundy cred to you for that little nugget! Any place that would shun Patch must be totally legit in fundydom.

    2. I was a teen before I was introduced to Patch, I think the tapes where new on the market then. The Pastor and his wife had us and the assistant pastor and his wife over for lunch. They were all from BJ, So 6 adults and a few teens at their house. The pastor said, “you have to hear this!” He popped Misterslippi Race in the tape deck and we all sat there and listened to it. It was a little strange since we were not the target audience and the two BJ couples were just laughing at all the funny parts and sining along with all the songs. 😯

        2. Sining must have to do with calculating the arcs of different curves. You know, using sines and cosines.

  39. The funniest thing about this video is the soundtrack that’s under it. The piece toward the end of the montage about Patch is from “The American President” … a PG-13 movie about a liberal president who falls in love with an environmental lobbyist.

    ‘Splain that…

    1. Beat me to it. I realized that part of the way through. Nobody there goes to the movies. probably thought “The American President” was about George Washington

  40. Did anyone notice that the background music for the video was the theme from the movie “The American President”?

    Also, why didn’t the pastor presenting the award ever look at Ron as he was praising him? looked straight out into the audience and never turned towards him.

    Ron’s wife was genuinely moved and yet Ron never puts his arm around her.

    1. Well, we wouldn’t want anybody getting the wrong idea about Patch’s relationship with Sissy Seagull!

      ***see discussion about “Butt Pirate” above

    2. Public displays of affection – especially in places of worship — are frowned on in many fundy circles. After all, marriage is really about being a picture of Christ and the church so all that ushy-gushy, lovey-dovey stuff isn’t that essential. (I’m using hyperbole, but not much!)

      I always heard there was no kissing if you got married in War Memorial Chapel at BJU. Supposedly, this was to honor the war dead, but I always thought that the guys who died to keep our country free wouldn’t mind a bride and groom kissing at the altar.

      1. I heard that too! Only I heard that it was a standard protocol in “all” war memorial chapels–no kissing at the altar, because it was such a solemn place. Or something like that.

        Fast forward about six years, and I’m leading my class of sixth graders on a tour of Annapolis Military Academy. Lo and behold, there’s a war memorial chapel there!!! And there are lots and lots of pictures of military weddings that took place there! But the pictures always showed them leaving the church, not when they were still standing at the altar. So I asked our tour guide about the no-kissing restriction at war memorial chapels. Needless to say, she had never heard of such a thing. In Annapolis, at least, they kiss at the altar all the time.

      2. Whenever I buy the farm, so to speak, you’re all invited to kiss each other at my grave.

  41. Trying to resist breaking out in a loud, off key rendition of “I Love Broccoli”.

  42. I wonder if fundies would like the character I’m trying to market: Tyreke the Former Gangsta’ Pasta’. He went from thuggin’ to huggin’. From pistol-waving to soul-saving. Baggy pants to KJV rants. Dealin’ to healin’.

  43. We love patch the Pirate, and had so much fun with our girls when they were little traveling in the car listening to the cassette tapes (dating myself there). The music was fun for parents too1

    We must have worn out the MisterSlippi River Race tape! http://amzn.to/e1yCLD

  44. I dated a guy once who could do the whole Misterslippi River Race by memory with all the voices.

    There was just one date. 😐

    1. by “date” of course I mean two siblings along as chaperones and we had a spiritual reason for our date, we went to check out some new puppets for the puppet ministry.

  46. Awww. Ron Hamilton. He was a good fundy. I can’t think of anyone else though lolz ; ) If there was a top 10 nice fundy list, he would be top 3 : )

  47. Props to Ron Hamilton. You can tell he is a genuine guy who turned the loss of an eye into a ministry. God Bless him.

  48. Also…I can do a mean Ollie Octopus. It’s all about the phlegm at the back of the throat. >_<

  49. I think the biggest offense to this video is not Ron hamilton. The guy overcame hardship by trusting the Lord and he’s taught that to kids all over the world. No problem there. The problem with this video is this obsession in the fundy world with awards and recognition. It wasn’t until I broke away from fundyland and God began to renew my mind, that I began to see how man-centered fundamentalism is. WE have to serve, WE have to witness, WE need to give, WE have to sacrifice, WE must do God’s work for him. If WE don’t do those things, they just won’t get done and God’s favor will not be with us. When WE do those things, then it is natural that WE recognize ourselves.

    My previous church handed out awards all year long to everyone from visiting evangelists to the lady that had taught Sunday School for 30 years.

    1. Sailors in general had sex with each other (and, I suppose, still do). An old U.S. Navy proverb says “It’s only queer if you’re tied to the pier.”

      But the book you refer to actually argues that pirate society in the 1600s and 1700s was an entirely homosexual culture– or at least, one where homesexuality was normative. Most other historians of pirates disagree with that claim (but not with the premise that “buggery” was common among pirates).

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