I had to look up rapturehatch.com to make sure it wasn’t real. Epic LOLs.
Nice, very nice. But what if we are in church 🙂
Please be a joke. Please be a joke. Please be a joke.
Phew–it’s a joke.
Yeah, I had to click through to rapture hatch when I saw this on JNNPR the other day. You just never know if it’s a joke or not. Eventually someone will take one of the parodies like this and start doing it for real.
What if you sleep in the basement?
I think it’s a sad comment on the state of fundamentalism when we who are recovering from it consider that something like this is real. I know I thought it was something real you’d dug up, Darrell… until I read the comments. Whew!!
Now watch as some fundy reads this and decides, “That’s a great idea!” then promptly goes out to try and make it happen….
ROFLOL! Awesome.
Pre-trib rapturism is so inconsistent with the overall pull-yourself-by-your-bootstraps spirit of Fundyland. I wonder why they jumped on this bandwagon.
@Tony I personally think it’s consistent. You define god as an abentee wrathful creator that can’t wait to destroy all the wickedness & rescue the few good poeple left off to a remote paradise/reward for their goodness.
@Tony n RobM,
It also gives hope that the fundy madness could end at any time.
What is interesting to me about the rapture, and eschatology in general, is that God will treat all Christians the same way reguardless of their positions.
I watched a ‘rapture’ movie last night, I don’t remember the name of it. The raptured all looked up, there was a bright light, the people disappeared but the clothes stayed. I think there may be a market for rapture proof underwear.
I am glad to know that this is a joke. With all of the craziness in fundyland it seems like something they would believe.
Inquiring minds want to know, instead of getting a non-hatch equipped motel room on my next trip should I instead just sleep outside?
Will the roof of my car impede my being raptured? If so, can I use this as an excuse to buy a convertible?
It’s funny, cuz it’s believable. I, too, had to check out “RaptureHatch.com” to make sure it was a joke.
Especially considering there are similar-themed websites (e.g. RaptureLetters.com) which appear to be dead serious!
I remember trying to teach people about premillenial dispensationalism and the confused looks that I would get. People would ask, “How many times is Christ returning to the earth?” I began to wonder if God was an idiot who wanted to make things impossibly complicated.
I began to wonder if God was an idiot who wanted to make things impossibly complicated.
ROFLMAO! Lots & lots of hoops to jump through to get that pre-mil, pre-trib, rapt.
This is one I don’t get…I’ve always been taught that nothing would keep us from the rapture. I don’t think this would make sense, even in fundyland.
That’s a cup of Kool-Aid that I could never fully drink, even as a student/preacher in Fundyland…
Unfortunately, just because something’s funny doesn’t mean it’s inherently valuable…
I’ve felt (for a while now) that the main difference between this site compared to other Christian humor blogs, say, Jon Acuff’s “Stuff Christians Like,” is that other sites point to a solution. They don’t mock simply for mockery’s sock, but they have a little fun in order to help people grow.
This post confirmed that feeling. If it can’t help anyone, what’s the point?
In other words, here’s my main question: does posting heresy (without explanation, in this case) glorify Christ, edify the saints, or evangelize the unsaved? If so, please educate me. If not, please squelch garbage like this, instead of flaunting it.
@dave I can see you’re coming in from BJU campus so I’ll keep that in mind. I’m sure I could take the time and show you all the places where I do in fact make suggestions and try to be helpful but I seriously don’t think you’re interested.
They don’t mock simply for mockery’s sock
You lost me with this bit.
heresy
There’s the magic word!
There’s no solution in this post because the RaptureHatch is a solution. I’m a doofus and I could figure that out.
To the point of this picture, it’s goofy. It’s meant to be goofy. That means it is not serious — not even a little. It’s a funny and silly thing that is funny because it’s absurd.
Do I seriously think that people who believe in a literal rapture believe that a roof will get in the way? Of course not. I never believed that or was taught that.
It’s just a silly picture.
May I suggest that if it makes anyone really, really angry to see this goofy picture that the issue doesn’t lie in the picture but elsewhere.
@Dave – the fact that you would point out Fundyland needs solutions is very telling. Your eyes are already half open. Open them all the way.
I wasn’t trying to be judgmental (there’s enough of that going around without me contributing to it). I just didn’t get it. Sorry.
@Markus No, you’re fine. I understood your comment. “I don’t get it” is quite a different thing from lip quivering cries of “heresy!”
I found Dave’s post as funny as the picture.
Yeah, I never get PCC/BJU/etc being as critical of everyone & everything as they are, think it’s not ok for anyone else to criticize, and we’re far from harsh her as far as I can tell. If you can’t laugh at the zaniness of fundamentalism, you may not have a sense of humor at all, or need to have it removed.
Hurry, we need to get to surgery and get this man a humor transplant, STAT!
An earlier poster mentioned Jon Acuff’s site “Stuff Christians Like.” While I enjoy it, it truly does not reflect the Christian experience I had growing up. For example, he jokes about pastors trying to make their sermons relevant by referring to pop culture (such as “How to Be a Real Braveheart Against Satan”). But in our circles, a pastor would NEVER reference anything from pop culture; we would actually be exhorted almost weekly to never go to the movies! Another time he wrote about the metrosexual worship leader. Again, most IFB churches don’t have anything approaching the worship leader described on that site. I think the particulars of the fundamentalist world deserve their own site.
I do find it edifying to the saints as I sift through what what taught to me, discarding the traditions of men (or at least recognizing them as so) while treasuring actual Biblical truth. This site helps point out many of the things we were TOLD were Biblical, but that aren’t really.
I think the particulars of the fundamentalist world deserve their own site.
I thought so too…and here we are! 🙂
Oh please let the Rapture happen! Let’s all pray it will happen soon. After the Rapture takes place we’ll have no pain-in-the-butt Christians to deal with! Lord, beam them up…..PLEASE!
Of course the flaw in your plan comes in when you realize that if the Rapture is true then the rest of the events in the “end times” sequence are likely to start happening as well.
It may not exactly be what you bargained for. 😉
ah, the rapture. the Lord’s coming, version 1.2. not quite the second coming since He doesn’t touch down.
@pastor’s wife
“I do find it edifying to the saints as I sift through what what taught to me, discarding the traditions of men (or at least recognizing them as so) while treasuring actual Biblical truth. This site helps point out many of the things we were TOLD were Biblical, but that aren’t really.”
Exactly! Plus, it helps to laugh a little bit.
@Dave: Heresy? Really? At best the closest you could call this would be sacrilegious. Heretical it most certainly is not. Please buy a dictionary. Alternatively, http://www.m-w.com can also be your friend.
I always liked being in a Christian School and when a guy got skunked on a date or was out of a relationship he was a “Bachelor to the Rapture”
This reminds me of a discussion in Ethics class with Dr. Custer at BJU. He’s talking about the ethics of organ donations, cremation, and the resurrection. He said that certain Christians would not consider cremation because they wanted their bodies intact for the rapture. He said that God could reassemble you in the resurrection, citing that the martyrs from the Roman empire and Middle Ages would certainly not be forgotten. Sooooo, there’s this “preacher boy” in the second row looking to make an impression on Dr. Custer by asking an intelligent, thoughtful question. He asked ” So if an organ is donated, whose is it in the resurrection?” Dr. Custer gets this far-off look, and begins a story: “One day a Christian fisherman is out to sea. A terrible storm blows up, and our friend is washed overboard. On his descent, he is eaten by a large tuna. Our tuna is later caught, processed, and sold as Charlie the Tuna. What will become of our fisherman in the resurrection?”
He then explained again that salvation was of the soul, and God would reassemble the body if necessary.
I just ask you to please do not get me mixed up with @dave. Notice the small “d”. Please stop saying Dave!!! Otherwise I love this place!!
@Reader Mo that was always my favorite! The “He doesn’t touch so that doesn’t count as a coming”. I wonder how close Jesus can get before it counts as a coming? I’m assuming at the very least has to stay more than whatever Mt Everest is above sea level (since it kind of moves year to year, probably best to stay at least 30,000 feet above sea level. Anything closer to that I’m thinking that might count as being too close to earth and an actual coming.
@Dave time to get an avatar so people know the difference! 🙂 I switched from just Rob to RobM cause there were other Rob’s around that confused me! 🙂
@ beth, my mom is against organ donation. She says your body was given to you by God to take care of. I think giving your organs away is a way to show the love of Christ, but I can’t convince her.
@Darrell: I suppose you’re right. Without the fundies we’d be awfully bored. But the thought of all those empty churches is quite a delightful thought. Think of heaven after the beam-up…..a Baptist actually sitting peacefully with a Catholic……yeah, sure!
Where can I get some mockery socks to go with my smarty pants? Oh, and maybe a sarcasm shirt and a tongue-in-cheek tie.
Instead of surgery to give him a sense of humor, I was thinking @dave needed surgery to remove a cob from somewhere!
Sounds like lower-case dave is just a kid and as such deserves some leeway. I took the rapture, and all Fundamentalisr constructs, very seriously when I was 20. His sincerity is commendable, and the rest will come with time, I bet.
dave, nobody is trying to mock that which is sacred. But the rapture as theology has enormous problems and can be supported from Scripture only by doing incredible gymnastics and chopping up certain passages right in the middle. The million dollar industry that has sprung up around the rapture, and the culture of sitting around setting dates (even though Fundamentalism always says it doesn’t (but it does)) are worthy of scorn.
Jesus is coming again. One time. And it’s not going to be a secret rapture or any of that silly stuff. The Rapture is big business these days – too bad it is deceiving a lot of well meaning Christians.
I think the Rapture is popular simply because it has become a “get out of tribulation and suffering free” card. No one wants to think of suffering tribulaton – and being beamed up before any such tribulation is a very attractive prospect.
Beam me up, Gabriel!
for the record, i am totally edified by this site in general, and by this post in particular.
as for heresy: the word of the day is “chiliasm”.
So we should all just chill out, which would be really “chiliasmic” or “chiliasmagorical”. Right?
I vote for “chillgasm.”
Excuse me, “chiligasm.”
Just wanted to add my voice to the other non-bju Dave – I am also not the guy who just tried to spank Darryl. So…non-bju Dave’s of the world UNITE!
Sorry, that ended up sounding a little megalomaniac-ish.
I’m taking my medication now…good night…
Comments are closed.
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.
I had to look up rapturehatch.com to make sure it wasn’t real. Epic LOLs.
Nice, very nice. But what if we are in church 🙂
Please be a joke. Please be a joke. Please be a joke.
Phew–it’s a joke.
Yeah, I had to click through to rapture hatch when I saw this on JNNPR the other day. You just never know if it’s a joke or not. Eventually someone will take one of the parodies like this and start doing it for real.
What if you sleep in the basement?
I think it’s a sad comment on the state of fundamentalism when we who are recovering from it consider that something like this is real. I know I thought it was something real you’d dug up, Darrell… until I read the comments. Whew!!
Now watch as some fundy reads this and decides, “That’s a great idea!” then promptly goes out to try and make it happen….
ROFLOL! Awesome.
Pre-trib rapturism is so inconsistent with the overall pull-yourself-by-your-bootstraps spirit of Fundyland. I wonder why they jumped on this bandwagon.
@Tony I personally think it’s consistent. You define god as an abentee wrathful creator that can’t wait to destroy all the wickedness & rescue the few good poeple left off to a remote paradise/reward for their goodness.
@Tony n RobM,
It also gives hope that the fundy madness could end at any time.
What is interesting to me about the rapture, and eschatology in general, is that God will treat all Christians the same way reguardless of their positions.
I watched a ‘rapture’ movie last night, I don’t remember the name of it. The raptured all looked up, there was a bright light, the people disappeared but the clothes stayed. I think there may be a market for rapture proof underwear.
I am glad to know that this is a joke. With all of the craziness in fundyland it seems like something they would believe.
Inquiring minds want to know, instead of getting a non-hatch equipped motel room on my next trip should I instead just sleep outside?
Will the roof of my car impede my being raptured? If so, can I use this as an excuse to buy a convertible?
It’s funny, cuz it’s believable. I, too, had to check out “RaptureHatch.com” to make sure it was a joke.
Especially considering there are similar-themed websites (e.g. RaptureLetters.com) which appear to be dead serious!
And don’t forget this one:
http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/
I remember trying to teach people about premillenial dispensationalism and the confused looks that I would get. People would ask, “How many times is Christ returning to the earth?” I began to wonder if God was an idiot who wanted to make things impossibly complicated.
ROFLMAO! Lots & lots of hoops to jump through to get that pre-mil, pre-trib, rapt.
This is one I don’t get…I’ve always been taught that nothing would keep us from the rapture. I don’t think this would make sense, even in fundyland.
That’s a cup of Kool-Aid that I could never fully drink, even as a student/preacher in Fundyland…
Unfortunately, just because something’s funny doesn’t mean it’s inherently valuable…
I’ve felt (for a while now) that the main difference between this site compared to other Christian humor blogs, say, Jon Acuff’s “Stuff Christians Like,” is that other sites point to a solution. They don’t mock simply for mockery’s sock, but they have a little fun in order to help people grow.
This post confirmed that feeling. If it can’t help anyone, what’s the point?
In other words, here’s my main question: does posting heresy (without explanation, in this case) glorify Christ, edify the saints, or evangelize the unsaved? If so, please educate me. If not, please squelch garbage like this, instead of flaunting it.
@dave I can see you’re coming in from BJU campus so I’ll keep that in mind. I’m sure I could take the time and show you all the places where I do in fact make suggestions and try to be helpful but I seriously don’t think you’re interested.
You lost me with this bit.
There’s the magic word!
There’s no solution in this post because the RaptureHatch is a solution. I’m a doofus and I could figure that out.
To the point of this picture, it’s goofy. It’s meant to be goofy. That means it is not serious — not even a little. It’s a funny and silly thing that is funny because it’s absurd.
Do I seriously think that people who believe in a literal rapture believe that a roof will get in the way? Of course not. I never believed that or was taught that.
It’s just a silly picture.
May I suggest that if it makes anyone really, really angry to see this goofy picture that the issue doesn’t lie in the picture but elsewhere.
@Dave – the fact that you would point out Fundyland needs solutions is very telling. Your eyes are already half open. Open them all the way.
I wasn’t trying to be judgmental (there’s enough of that going around without me contributing to it). I just didn’t get it. Sorry.
@Markus No, you’re fine. I understood your comment. “I don’t get it” is quite a different thing from lip quivering cries of “heresy!”
I found Dave’s post as funny as the picture.
Yeah, I never get PCC/BJU/etc being as critical of everyone & everything as they are, think it’s not ok for anyone else to criticize, and we’re far from harsh her as far as I can tell. If you can’t laugh at the zaniness of fundamentalism, you may not have a sense of humor at all, or need to have it removed.
Hurry, we need to get to surgery and get this man a humor transplant, STAT!
An earlier poster mentioned Jon Acuff’s site “Stuff Christians Like.” While I enjoy it, it truly does not reflect the Christian experience I had growing up. For example, he jokes about pastors trying to make their sermons relevant by referring to pop culture (such as “How to Be a Real Braveheart Against Satan”). But in our circles, a pastor would NEVER reference anything from pop culture; we would actually be exhorted almost weekly to never go to the movies! Another time he wrote about the metrosexual worship leader. Again, most IFB churches don’t have anything approaching the worship leader described on that site. I think the particulars of the fundamentalist world deserve their own site.
I do find it edifying to the saints as I sift through what what taught to me, discarding the traditions of men (or at least recognizing them as so) while treasuring actual Biblical truth. This site helps point out many of the things we were TOLD were Biblical, but that aren’t really.
I thought so too…and here we are! 🙂
Oh please let the Rapture happen! Let’s all pray it will happen soon. After the Rapture takes place we’ll have no pain-in-the-butt Christians to deal with! Lord, beam them up…..PLEASE!
Of course the flaw in your plan comes in when you realize that if the Rapture is true then the rest of the events in the “end times” sequence are likely to start happening as well.
It may not exactly be what you bargained for. 😉
ah, the rapture. the Lord’s coming, version 1.2. not quite the second coming since He doesn’t touch down.
@pastor’s wife
“I do find it edifying to the saints as I sift through what what taught to me, discarding the traditions of men (or at least recognizing them as so) while treasuring actual Biblical truth. This site helps point out many of the things we were TOLD were Biblical, but that aren’t really.”
Exactly! Plus, it helps to laugh a little bit.
@Dave: Heresy? Really? At best the closest you could call this would be sacrilegious. Heretical it most certainly is not. Please buy a dictionary. Alternatively, http://www.m-w.com can also be your friend.
I always liked being in a Christian School and when a guy got skunked on a date or was out of a relationship he was a “Bachelor to the Rapture”
This reminds me of a discussion in Ethics class with Dr. Custer at BJU. He’s talking about the ethics of organ donations, cremation, and the resurrection. He said that certain Christians would not consider cremation because they wanted their bodies intact for the rapture. He said that God could reassemble you in the resurrection, citing that the martyrs from the Roman empire and Middle Ages would certainly not be forgotten. Sooooo, there’s this “preacher boy” in the second row looking to make an impression on Dr. Custer by asking an intelligent, thoughtful question. He asked ” So if an organ is donated, whose is it in the resurrection?” Dr. Custer gets this far-off look, and begins a story: “One day a Christian fisherman is out to sea. A terrible storm blows up, and our friend is washed overboard. On his descent, he is eaten by a large tuna. Our tuna is later caught, processed, and sold as Charlie the Tuna. What will become of our fisherman in the resurrection?”
He then explained again that salvation was of the soul, and God would reassemble the body if necessary.
I just ask you to please do not get me mixed up with @dave. Notice the small “d”. Please stop saying Dave!!! Otherwise I love this place!!
@Reader Mo that was always my favorite! The “He doesn’t touch so that doesn’t count as a coming”. I wonder how close Jesus can get before it counts as a coming? I’m assuming at the very least has to stay more than whatever Mt Everest is above sea level (since it kind of moves year to year, probably best to stay at least 30,000 feet above sea level. Anything closer to that I’m thinking that might count as being too close to earth and an actual coming.
@Dave time to get an avatar so people know the difference! 🙂 I switched from just Rob to RobM cause there were other Rob’s around that confused me! 🙂
@ beth, my mom is against organ donation. She says your body was given to you by God to take care of. I think giving your organs away is a way to show the love of Christ, but I can’t convince her.
@Darrell: I suppose you’re right. Without the fundies we’d be awfully bored. But the thought of all those empty churches is quite a delightful thought. Think of heaven after the beam-up…..a Baptist actually sitting peacefully with a Catholic……yeah, sure!
Where can I get some mockery socks to go with my smarty pants? Oh, and maybe a sarcasm shirt and a tongue-in-cheek tie.
Instead of surgery to give him a sense of humor, I was thinking @dave needed surgery to remove a cob from somewhere!
Sounds like lower-case dave is just a kid and as such deserves some leeway. I took the rapture, and all Fundamentalisr constructs, very seriously when I was 20. His sincerity is commendable, and the rest will come with time, I bet.
dave, nobody is trying to mock that which is sacred. But the rapture as theology has enormous problems and can be supported from Scripture only by doing incredible gymnastics and chopping up certain passages right in the middle. The million dollar industry that has sprung up around the rapture, and the culture of sitting around setting dates (even though Fundamentalism always says it doesn’t (but it does)) are worthy of scorn.
Jesus is coming again. One time. And it’s not going to be a secret rapture or any of that silly stuff. The Rapture is big business these days – too bad it is deceiving a lot of well meaning Christians.
I think the Rapture is popular simply because it has become a “get out of tribulation and suffering free” card. No one wants to think of suffering tribulaton – and being beamed up before any such tribulation is a very attractive prospect.
Beam me up, Gabriel!
for the record, i am totally edified by this site in general, and by this post in particular.
as for heresy: the word of the day is “chiliasm”.
So we should all just chill out, which would be really “chiliasmic” or “chiliasmagorical”. Right?
I vote for “chillgasm.”
Excuse me, “chiligasm.”
Just wanted to add my voice to the other non-bju Dave – I am also not the guy who just tried to spank Darryl. So…non-bju Dave’s of the world UNITE!
Sorry, that ended up sounding a little megalomaniac-ish.
I’m taking my medication now…good night…