According to this week’s FWOTW, the goal of homemakerscorner.com is to “avoid the slobbery puppy “Christianity” to which many women fall prey.”
This web page is a ministry of Mary Van Nattan Stephens as the wife of Peter Stephens who also helpfully screens all of her e-mail for her.
Be sure to check out the modesty page, essays on women preachers, and an examination of Lester Rollof’s Diet Heresy.
And finally be warned “Please do not use any of our graphics until further notice. ” That’s a rule I intend to follow.
thanks to Greves for the link
I’m still laughing over the diet article. They have it all wrong. The reason that Adam and Eve lived so long was not because they were eating herbs, it was because they were able to absorb the maximum amount of Vitamin D being offered by the sun.
What exactly is this “slobbery puppy ‘Christianity'” to which she refers?
She got “special permission” from Jesus to quote the KJV/B? Impressive. Should the rest of us be waiting around for that before we quote the Bible?
The last line of the “Modesty Page” is funny, if confusing:
“I am told that Catholic farmers in the Republic of Ireland go to their fields in a suit and tie which is utterly filthy. This is a result of the Romish doctrines from hell.”
???
Well, if you want to insist that cleanliness is next to Godliness, that might make sense.
I recall about ten years ago reading in the Employment Wanted section, a Christian Nudist Gardener 😳 seeking clothes-optional work tending people’s yards.
Yes, I have a copy of the ad.
My personal favorite was her page claiming that anti-perspirant deodorant is the number one cause of breast cancer.
Anti-perspirant deodorant isn’t the #1 cause of breast cancer but there are studies looking at underarm shaving in conjunction with anti-perspirant use as possibly contributing to breast cancer. The jury is still out on that, while earlier studies found no link with just anti-perspirant deodorant. FWIW, I never used anti-perspirants and still got breast cancer, twice.
It was interesting to read in the health section of the web site that medical use of marijuana is A-OK.
Her husband may screen her emails, but if he proofreads her pages, she needs to ask someone else (or get a new husband, or something). The spelling errors made my teeth itch.
On the other hand, these items (from the same page) are not so funny:
“We knew of one instance in which the daughter of the home would shower with the bathroom door open and wander around the house in just a bath towel. Her stepfather raped her. He went to jail, but she and her mother, who did not instruct her, were partly to blame for tempting him and allowing him to be tempted that way.”
Seriously?? The next one is worse:
“What does God thinks when He sees one of us in a swimsuit? How about in an off-the-shoulder evening gown, or a pair of shorts? Do you know where those things came from? Sure they did, they came from the prostitutes! . . . .What’s more, look at the fruit these attitudes have led to through their “liberation” of dress and actions. Fornication is rampant among even the “Fundamental” kids. Children are molested by their own pastors and Sunday School teachers. . . . Another Christian man admitted to a pastor that he had been led to molesting his own daughter when he started handling her in the family swimming pool. ”
Is it just me, or does the above quotation actually imply that the child is at fault for being molested by her father? (You can see it in context about three-quarters of the way down the “modesty page.”)
No, it’s no just you, they are definitely implying that the victims are to blame, and it is always women/girls. “What does God think when he sees you in a swimsuit…” Hey, lady, God made/designed our bodies, I doubt He is disgusted by them. What does he think when He sees into our hearts is another story.
After you’ve checked out ‘Uncle Steve’s Diet Plan’, make sure to head over to the family photo section. Hmmmm…
CL, that “shower” quote was what got me, too. Talk about blaming the victim–and the victim’s mother, too, for there shall be no female left unblamed!
Another good find Darrell!
So many things that made us bust up laughing at. Some were horriffic (CL’s comment).
Here’s a hilarious one on women defending themselves when they have to “go out” without their man along.
“3. LOOK BORING
Strive to look neat and clean, but not particularly attractive. Being attractive to your husband in private situations is fine, but attracting attention in worldly environments is not desirable. If you wish, you could even go so far as to wear a color that does not suit your complexion. Long hair, especially loose, can be very alluring to some men. If you have particularly long attractive hair may it might be wise not wear it loose nor in an attention drawing style. Pin it all up securely or braid it plainly. If you still are attracting “fresh” remarks you may need to seriously consider wearing a head covering when you go shopping. This is not law nor to make you spiritual, but simply to put off the hustlers. We’ve heard of women having trouble with lude and “fresh” remarks and my brother is very suspicious that it may well have to do with the women’s long flowing hair, which some men find very provocative.”
hahahahahahahahahah oh my sides are hurting. I just can hardly believe the’s being real. Its something I’d write as a parody.
Here’s one more tidbit: After talking about karate (missing the opportunity to say it’s full of eastern mysticism) and gun weilding, she gives this personal defense gem…”One of the best strategies if you are approached by a sex maniac is to put your finger down your throat and throw up on him.”
Really?! wow…just, wow.
Well, most of the customers at Walmart are living up to that one, no risk of temptation there.
Actually that’s often the case at many stores and malls, women going around looking as drab and as plain as pigeons, kind of sad really. 🙁
I suspect she has outed her brother’s fetish.
On her home page is the following verse: “Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow
after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” Shortly thereafter she states, “We desire to avoid the slobbery puppy “Christianity” to which many women fall prey.” How do rude metaphors and put-downs make for peace? How does sneeringly referring to another expression of Christianity edify one another? I’ve never heard of any Christian women referred to as slobbering puppies, so I have no idea to what she is referring, but it sure seems to contradict the verse she uses to headline the entire website.
So what you’re saying is that the people who gave us the sign for the Punc’tuation post have to redo it and add vegans.
ZOMG footnote on the “storytime” of this page http://www.blessedquietness.com/journal/housechu/ladies.htm
My head is spinning.
and winner. thanks for coming.
From the modesty page: “A woman is to have her head covered (with her hair) according to God. 1Corinthians 11:10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. What exactly this means is not entirely clear…”
Honey, it isn’t clear to your husband, your editor, because the words “power” and “woman” were in the same sentence, and his head exploded. It could be just because Paul was terrified of women, or it could be the early church needed to stomp women down.
This woman certainly sees the devil everywhere, doesn’t she? What a nice way to dodge all accountability in your life and become a legalistic idiot. Sheeesh. Me and my “sexy legs” couldn’t make it all the way through that site.
Oops I think I’d clicked off that site to get to blessedqueitness or something. Didn’t realize it was off topic. I’m a moron (like usual)!
@Rob: I think the two sites are connected and are run by the same folks.
Somehow I wound up on the “Blessed Quietness” site, which I believe is run by this homemaker’s husband. Check it out if you’re not sick of tripe–it’s a piece of work. The guy claims in his bio to be African-American because he was raised “in the south suburbs of Los Angeles, California, which is African-American for sure.” He also approvingly quotes Hermann Goering as predicting the “war rhetoric” following September 11.
Fundies quoting Nazis–the stuff nightmares are made of.
My big question for the Homemaker–why is field work in a suit and tie filthy? (Note that it’s only the Catholic farmers who get damned for this one, and not the Protestants who probably dress the same way.) Farming is going to get a person dirty one way or the other. Besides, Ireland is generally colder and wetter than the US, so a full-body covering of wool or tweed is a pretty good idea for most of the year.
Blessed Quietness is her father’s web site. I read it. He really hates us Catholics. Oh well.
You good people are missing the joke – it is a parody web site.
homemakerscorner.com = homemaker scorner.com
And here you thought it was homemaker’s corner.com. Silly you.
The best (i.e. most frightening) part for me was the “What Shall We Read” section that condemns 99 percent of the books in the English language. Shakespeare? Full of fantasy and garbage. Dickens? Filthy adulterer. I thought that her complaints against “Anne of Green Gables” was particularly flimsy, seeing as how that particular book was written specifically for Sunday school purposes. But then again, Anne Shirley is a Presbyerterian and she has the gall to go to college and work outside the home in the later books, so I guess it doesn’t matter. This illustrates to me why modern “Christian Fiction” is so awful. The author is so busy trying to make crude wholesomeness, that they provide no insight whatsoever into human nature. In comparison, someone like Dosteyevsky wasn’t afraid to show the true range of human nature, from prostitutes, to revolutionaries, to drunks, to atheists, to whomever. So what shall we read? “The Brothers Karamazov,” that’s what.
this is classic (from the multiple pages on courtship and marriage):
“Lest anyone jump to conclusions about what is meant by “interracial marriage”, this is not just referring to blacks with whites. This also includes races of black people intermarrying as well as races of whites. A Masai should not marry an Ethiopian, they can avoid it and marry in Christ in the spirit of Amos 3:3. A Japanese should not marry a Chinese, or an American, or etc., if they can find someone in their own nationality that is godly, shares their convictions and is suitable. [And lest, you are becoming angry or provoked because you have a “cross cultural” family, or marriages in your assembly, please keep reading. Don’t quit here.]
“But, it does not stop here. There are major cultural differences often within a country, or race.
“Now here’s a fellow that marries a nice girl from California. He’s from Pennsylvania. All right, so they get up in the morning after they get home from their wedding trip and he thinks, “Boy, I am hungry for a nice bowl of hot oatmeal with molasses on it.” When he gets to the table, he finds broiled grapefruit and scrambled eggs with cactus leaves. Being a gentleman, though, he doesn’t complain, figuring that he will get something more to his liking at lunch time. At noon he’s hoping for some nice meaty salami or Lebanon bologna with cheese on homemade bread. Instead, he finds avocado in a marinade of some vegetable that he can’t even pronounce, and cold fruit soup. Well, by dinner time he knows better than to get his hopes up too high. His new wife serves him cold chicken that tastes like orange marmalade, artichoke heart salad, Italian biscotti (which he can’t even chew) and fruit with chili pepper sprinkled on it for dessert. After the meal he says, “Honey, we need to talk.” (You would better do that before the wedding.)”
My wife is from California, and I’m from SC. WE SHOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED!!!!!
She does then have the brass to admit, when noticing such “unequal” pairings, “Do Not mess with their marriage nor condemn them publicly nor privately!” precisely the thing no Real True Fundy can actually do.
Few things are more deadly than a determined group of gossipy Fundy matrons. 👿
The woman running homemakerscorner.com is the daughter of the man running blessedquietness.com. That’s why the emails to her go to Steve Van Nattan, who then forwards emails to Peter Stephens, who will decide if his wife needs to read the email for herself.
we need another flowchart.
I was unaware that Americans were a ‘race.’
I thought that Japanese and Chinese were ethnicities/nationalities not races. Aren’t they just sub-groups of asians. What happens if you move to another state do you have to go back to the state you were born in to get a spouse?
I don’t think I wanna meet the people who would get married w/o knowing what each other likes to eat? Wouldn’t he also need to ask her to wear some kind of “Hello, I’m your wife” name tag for a year or so if they are that unfamiliar w/ each other?
The accent in my county varies from valley to valley, i.e: there are cultural differences even among the predominantly white, predominantly Anglo-Scots population of my county. Should someone from Lakemont not marry someone from the Wolffork Valley? And I have little discernible accent, so should I remain celibate?
@Jordan I don’t see any other option for you. Clearly that’s just God’s Will.
@Jordan Sorry, dude. Shoot, the Anglo-Scots is a mixed race, so you’re doubly doomed. 🙂
This is too much.
“Hand shaking can even fall into the category of ungodly touching. I have seen people getting a whole lot more out of a hand shake than just a greeting gesture.”
@Brandon: well said! Our daughter was born in MN but lives in Greenville, does that make her foreign? Well, yes, according to the southerners. The comment about 30 cups of coffee a day making you a food addict was funny, I drink it to keep AWAY from food! Then there is that long article on coffee, how it is roasted etc……typical fundy. One is sinful, one is “angle-lic”
Sorta off topic: the census came and I filled it out, almost, when it came to race I put in “human”. We are all the same race, human. What makes the difference is culture. Black, white, purple with green spots–we all bleed the same color. We are all the human race. (But some run better than others, hehe)
The Steve Van Nattan (dad) runs the balaams ass website. The site is devoted to his piano tunning business now, but in the old days I belive it was a parody of certain strands of fundmentalism that we all love. =)
Speaking of diet, I don’t think I can stomach all that stupidity all at once….
Rowdy Dames!
The piece on female ministers was about the most misogynistic piece of crap I have ever had the displeasure to read.
New heights of stupidity. What damage these extremists do to women and girls!
I don’t know if I should be laughing or crying….
Verily, I am speechless.
I am from Texas, hubby is from Georgia. He keeps trying to get me to eat this stuff called ‘grits.’ We are doomed! Or…he can have his grits and I can have my cinnamon toast crunch and we call it good.
“I see no problem with a young child being taught by a godly woman. Of course, there are none in the Public Schools of the United States, for if they were godly, they would stay at home. ”
“Where a boy is under a woman teacher in a public school, that boy must be warned not to allow that woman to teach him ANYTHING other than cold facts of Math and History etc. The father of the boy must go to the school and demand that the Principal not allow the woman teacher to teach ANY moral or spiritual principles to his son.”
Why, why, why did I let my curiosity make me read this? The spirit behind the writing (did you read how Golda Meier was a Zionist hussy?) has ruffled mine; I need to go bathe myself in the Word!
Well, YMMV: I use the Word for temptation and trial. For just plain stupid stuff like that web site, I just drink beer.
I just read (well, skimmed) the page about Lester Roloff’s “diet heresy.” Aside from feeling slightly queasy about agreeing with this nut on ANYTHING, I found it amusing that IFB wackos will turn on each other so easily. Who among them would have the nerve to call Roloff a “fool,” “dumb idiot,” etc.?
Could you imagine having this gal in your church? No thank you, been there and NOT going back!
Little Miss Homemaker Scorner may intend her title to read homemakers corner, but her words have revealed otherwise.
True to fundydom she threw out a few verses, took them completely out of context then went on a rampage against everything from diet heresy’s to the way women dress is why men rape, molest and commit adultry. Are we to think that every fundy man is a sexual predator waiting to happen? If that is the case, then my girls and I are staying far, far away from all fundies! If a man is that weak in controling his lust, he needs to look himself up and throw away the key!
If, as she claims, a man was lured into raping his step daughter because she left the bathroom door open, then why didn’t he close it then speak to his wife about it? Why didn’t he ask the girl to shut the door? In other words, why didn’t he, when seeing he was giving into the lust of HIS flesh, try to avoid the situation? Instead he feed his lust then tragically he acted on it. In turn fundydom puts the blame on the girl!
GRRRRRRRRRR! I get so upset when I read this mindless babble!
“I see no problem with a young child being taught by a godly woman. Of course, there are none in the Public Schools of the United States, for if they were godly, they would stay at home.”
I guess i’ll make the sacrifice of this “godliness” to teach public school…
“You need to let your people know that women wearing pants is now a symbol of going naked and rebellion against clothing in general.”
Just found this one too…wow…..
You do know that in Pat Berg’s counseling class at BJU, she would often (2 or 3 times a week) come into class with a letter from a staff man, look down the hall for possible eavesdroppers, shut the door, and then whisper to the girls about the violation of the female dress code described in the letter. The letter was often from a male student but more often than not from a male staff member. She then ended with a dire warning to be absolutely scrupulous in their dress because if any man sinned it was the woman’s fault. Never, ever, ever was any inkling of a thought given to the fact that there could be some responsibility or discipline required on the male’s part. God help us. No wonder we have such abuse of women. The teaching coming from “good” people and institutions such as this has devastating consequences.
Gives homemakers (especially Baptist ones) a bad rep. Glad I have a mind that can discern between truth and bullcrap.
I grew up in fundy land, and some of the stuff is more twisted than what I was fed growing up. Crazy!!
Is it just me, or is the picture at the top of the page on women preachers a teetotaller biddy bothering the menfolk at the bar? Somewhat ironic.
Last line of the introduction on the Health and Survival page:
Some have died for telling these stories
First article link that follows:
How to avoid constipation
Priceless!
On the Modesty page: “His holy angles”. Both the obtuse and the acute are sinful and only the right angle is the holy angle of rightness, I imagine.
If you take the s of of homemaker and put it corner it says homemaker scorner.
all devotionals and books for Christian women must be in pink. and Bible covers too.
Bible covers are ungodly. They obscure the “King James Version” label on the outside. A cover means you are hiding one of them heathern perverzions!! Or worse!! Maybe that woman who looks all prim and proper in her denim jumper, braid, and sneakers is actually hiding “Fifty Shades of Grey”. That’s why dem eliktronik Bibles are ungodly too! You don’t know what’s on that Kindle!!