Once a year, fundamentalists pack their kids a suitcase and wave goodbye as the youngsters are hauled away to Christian camp. This is considered vital to to the children’s spiritual upbringing and also gives mom and dad a break — defined as “only taking care of the four youngest kids.” It’s a win-win.
Christian camp is a wonderful time to enjoy the outdoors, participate in sports, make new friends, and listen to approximately 3,468 sermons over the course of the week. This presents plenty of opportunities to get saved as many time as you like. After all, going forward to get saved again is always preferable to being stuck in your seat through an hour of singing while the counselors save other kids. It’s far better to walk the aisle and join in the fun.
Getting saved isn’t the only highlight though, there is also Scripture to memorize, crafts to make, and a camp store full of enough soft drinks and candy to ensure that the counselors never get a moment’s peace from chasing down hyper eight-year-olds. Another bright spot in the camping week is regular visits to the swimming pool (no mixed bathing of course). While dunking kids in chlorinated water may not be a substitute for daily bathing, it certainly doesn’t hurt.
As the week draws to a close, it’s a time for tearful farewells and getting saved one last time just to be sure. Then it’s back on the buses and back home until next year when they’ll do it all over again. No fundamentalist childhood would be complete without it.
Don’t forget throwing your stick in the fire at the bonfire at the end of the week to symbolize giving up your rock music!
And for those who really are sure “beyond a shadow of a doubt” that they are saved, they can always join the fun by “rededicating their lives” (whatever that is).
don’t forget to do a post on sword drills!
Or Bible trivia! (Which I kick ass at, BTW 😈 )
“While dunking kids in chlorinated water may not be a substitute for daily bathing, it certainly doesn’t hurt. ”
Why that’s just preacherboys practicing their baptism techniques.
This needs a redux post
“This is considered vital to to the children’s spiritual upbringing and also gives mom and dad a break — defined as “only taking care of the four youngest kids.†It’s a win-win. ”
*spits out sprite*
That’s my parents!! Except it was “five youngest” there for a while.
Oh, camp. Camp Clearwaters in my case. Anyone else here have the (mis)fortune to attend that camp? So many -bad- memories… 👿
One of the memories, not necessarily bad, just weird and oh-so-fundy, that’s associated with camp for me is girls and boys traveling on separate buses. Oddly they didn’t do that every year. ❓ (‘Course, looking for consistency in fundyland is a fool’s errand I guess. 🙄 )
Did anyone ever go to Camp Chetek in Wisconsin? There was a big uproar one year because the pastor allowed the boys to play basketball without their shirt on the Monday before the camp officially began formal activities. Scandalous! Meanwhile, several churches all brought their Jack Hyles face masks to wear during the popcorn preaching times in the cabins.
I was the guest speaker for several retreats and camps at Camp Joy in Whitewater WI. Early one morning, after running a couple miles (the camp was still asleep), the camp director’s daughter saw me returning to my “prophet’s chamber” while I was still wearing my running shorts. I was never invited back again. (Hot Legs?)
So, was I wrong in sending my kids to fundy camp, USA? They seemed to enjoy the experience…for the most part.
Are non-fundy camps any different? And if so, how?
B.R.O.?